Is there a perfect age gap?

[lilforest]

DS is 7 months and DH and I have been discussing if/when we would consider trying again.
He has a 4 year age gap with his sister and they are the best of friend- always have been. I have a 2 year age gap with my sister and we still hate each other to this day!!

Our relationship has been competitive and stressful from day one!
I'm terrified of having another for this reason... is there a better age gap to lessen sibling rivalry or is it just luck?!

It depends on a lot. 4 years between me and my brother, and it took me about 14 to forgive him for being a boy.

I'm having a second, five years later, because although I hated my brother officially, we still played together and got on well, and as he was so much younger there wasn't much direct competition, except for mum's attention. Hopefully as eldest will be in school he will feel less displaced by baby.

Also, it has taken me this long to get over the birth and even be able to consider having a second little person in the house.

Mine are two years and yes they argue and it can be very draining then but on the positive side they have the same interests so we can do the same things. Films places to go etc.
Some of my friend with large age gaps find it hard to do things to amuse both ages. Tho they suffer from less fighting.

I had a two year gap too and I don't hate my sibling We got on great as kids.

That's the thing, from a practical point of view I love the idea of waiting until DS is in school because it would be so nice to have some one on one time with the baby and not feel like I'm not paying DS enough attention. As he'll be busy enjoying school. But then lots of people say to me that they found the newborn phase harder with a big gap for the second as they were used to sleep again and not needing to change nappies etc! I guess it's not like it's unexpected though and you just get on with it as you did first time around!

I actually read that 18 months was the least stressful as after LO been around a week No 1 can't remember life before, also more likely to be still napping when baby is tiny. No idea if that's right though. I have 2.5 years (as did my dm and dsis). Dsis is and has always been my best friend- no idea if it's because of the gap though

Yes. Next question please.

Mine are 11 months apart. It's been a wonderful age gap for us

Dd is now 1 & ds 23 months and I am expecting no 3 at Christmas.

16 months between my first two. As pp said, they can't remember not being together. They were very close growing up and are still friends although the miles re between them now.

12 months was fine. 4.5 years is my best gap, 2 years was by far the hardest!

Surely alot if it depends on the personality of your children?!

Fwiw I have a 5 year gap between dd1 and dd2 then a 17 month gap between dd2 and dd3. Both have worked really well for us.

I have five years between my two, financial reasons stopped us trying for another until last year. I would have loved another while DD was still little but it would have been irresponsible of us and put us up shit creek probably permanently

Massive pro to the age gap is that DD is very independent and can get herself dressed, fetch her own snacks etc so I'm not running between the two of them on a daily basis. She also adores DS and vice versa and we haven't had much in the way of jealousy which I attribute to her being old enough to understand the baby needs me and DH more.

Massive con is that five years is a long time out of 'baby mode' so it felt very much like we were starting from scratch and having to relearn everything.

I don't feel like there is a perfect age gap, having another child is tough regardless and a big adjustment for the older sibling.

Just luck, personality- and a certain amount of easing the way on the part of the parent. 5 years age gap between me and eldest db- we are very good friend. 3.5 years between dd and ds- they are very good friends. 16 months between me and younger db- we are very good friends.

14 months between mine. They know no different

We have a 19 month age gap and it's great. After a few days ds couldn't remember dd not being there, we were still in 'baby zone', they will hopefully have similar interests. My sister had a 16 month gap, then a 14 month gap and the three of them have always got on very well (apart from the odd spat that is)and now they're older teenagers they go to the pub together. My sister is 10 years older than me and we're very close.

I would say as little as possible, my youngest five were all born within 4 years and one month. I have one set of twins. They all get along really well. My older two are six years apart and also six years from dd2 to dd3 ( the oldest of the little ones) They just bicker and the window of time where they play together is only around two years.

I have a 14 year gap between my two - it's perfect
My little one adores my teenager, my teen is excellent with his brother although he is not in any way a 'built in babysitter' as people keep suggesting!
I feel very very lucky to be able to do it all again, onky this time with many years of experience behind me.
14 year again he gap just looks so much easier than a 14 month one!

Depends on the personalities.
My nieces are 16months apart and have always been really close. My dc1 has always got on MUCH better with dc3 who is 5 yrs younger, as he always felt that dc2 was sort of 'competition' I think.

things that make life easier for you aren't necessarily what will make life easier for the dc.
If you really are able to plan that specifically, I'd avoid a 2 school year gap if you can, as it gets quite tense once they get into public exams, etc. However, it is easier when you are in that round of taking and fetching the to evening activities, if they are clos in age and go to the same things (although they may prefer not being there at same time as siblings).
Bigger gaps make it more difficult to find things to do together (in school holidays, etc), but even bigger gaps mean older ones can help out a lot more with younger ones.
Some people think close together is easier as you have a chaotic 3 years or so but then never have to return to whatever phase that is (be it carrying a pram bag everywhere or getting up in the night), others think it easier to spread it out over years.

Thanks for all the advice- I've just suggested to DH although it is obviously dependent personalities that it seems to be the closer gap the better. He's terrified thrilled with the idea!!

No simple answer to this one - as you'll always have people telling you their gap was brilliant, whether it was 15 months or 6 years!
My personal view is that a gap of 2.5-3 years works pretty well (3 school years difference). Close enough to play together, but far enough apart not to be competitive at school.
But ultimately it depends on the personalities of your DC and many other factors. Impossible to know before hand!