I need a better way to deal with public tantrums

[SquedgieBeckenheim]

Was out shopping with DD1 (age 3) and DD2 (age 5 months). DD1 wanted something I couldn't afford to buy, so offered her cheaper alternatives. She had a full on, on the floor thrashing around, tantrum. I tried reasoning with her. I tried ignoring her. Nothing worked, so ended up abandoning all shopping and carrying her out of the store under one arm and going home.
I was mortified, this has never happened before! We've had tantrums but not to the extent I couldn't distract her.
How do I deal with this if it happens in future? What tantrum busting techniques do you have?
I still need to go get my shopping...

Online shopping???? Just kidding...I feel for you!

If it helps your feelings of mortification, I imagine most folk aren't even aware of your tantrumming toddler, and if they are, then those people are evil shits if they are thinking anything other than 'oh gosh I remember when that was my child' and you can ignore them!

Sometimes the only solution will be what you did the other day i.e. to pick them up and remove them from the situation. Your job is to prevent them from hurting themselves or others while they work out their feelings. Shopping might just need to wait until another time.

Not sure if you've looked into the RIE parenting approach, which might help equip you with tools to deal with these situations. You can google s a lady called Janet Lansbury who runs a website and podcast with some useful examples.

Most tantrumming toddlers give up doing this, when they learn it doesn't gain them anything- not the desired object, not loads of attention - and also as they mature emotionally.

(Yes, I did say most, Yes I am aware of PDA and many other SN)
It can be embarrassing, but most parents have been there, and understand.
Just be careful not to reward the behaviour you don't want. By tangible reward, or lots of attention. As little reaction as possible, and this will soon pass.

Just stand beside her. Tell her you understand she feels disappointed because .... and you are here for cuddles when she is ready. Then chill out and look round the shop. Lots of people will smile if you catch their eye and make sympathetic faces or comments. The tantrums will get shorter and fewer if they don't work.

I've been reading 'How to talk so little kids will listen' (to navigate difficult toddler behaviour) and whilst it's not necessarily going to give you a magic bullet it does give you things to try e.g. In that situation you can acknowledge her feeling (disappointment she can't have the toy) and ask if she'd like to put it on her Christmas/birthday list (you can just write in the notes section of your phone or something). If that doesn't work you can try reflecting that it's hard to wait to get something you really want. I'm no expert but I think sometimes it helps very young kids to know they have been understood

How would you deal with it at home? I would try to keep it as close to that as possible for consistency

I don't have any advice but I'm leaving my mark because I'm really struggling to deal with tantrums too.. sorry

Thanks for all the replies.
Previously I've always managed to distract her, especially in public. If distraction doesn't work at home we leave her to it for as long as it takes. That's not appropriate in a shop.
She just would not respond to anything today till I got her home and put Tom and Jerry on tv! I tried to ignore, but after 20 minutes of tantrum I just had to get her out of there as nothing was working.

tepid I couldn't talk to her, she just wasn't listening at all. I tried along those lines and she just screamed louder!

We used naughty step (supernanny) in the house when DD was at that stage. When out and about I would put Dd in 'naughty spot' and just point to an area.

This is still emabarrasing but usually it didn't get to that stage as a warning of naughty spot. Though if u say it u have to follow through.

In a practical sense I would stay right beside her but no attention didn't even look at her. When time up (a minute for each yr) I would say ' you are in the naughty spot because ......... let's say sorry and move on. Hug and move on. That was the theory, usually worked. Think the time gave us both a chance to calm down.

Try not to feel mortified though most people sympathise.

There is no reasoning with a three year old, leave her to it and walk away (obviously where you can still keep an eye!!) or do what you did and remove her if it is that bad. As others have said most people really don't care or notice they just feel your pain!

Don't mean to sound like a tit but, is she ok? Any illness brewing, recent changes to.routine etc that would cause such an epic out of character loss of control?