How to stop 3yo and 6yo from fighting?!

[YogiYoni]

Help! I'm at my wits end.

DS1 is nearly 6 and currently being assessed for SEN. He's very impulsive, very low pain threshold, quick to react to perceived injustices, very emotional, very LOUD.

DS2 is generally much more laid back, but is obsessed with his brother. He loves to 'play' fight but cries if his brother retaliates.

Any kind of game ultimately ends up getting physical, then they both end up crying and screaming. I've tried banning them from physical contact, I've tried explaining about being kind, I've tried time in their own rooms, I've tried snuggling on the sofa, I've tried distraction, but they Just Keep Fighting.
There's four weeks of the school holiday left and I've going to be a quivering wreck by the end. Tips? Please?

Can't help much I'm afraid apart from exercise. The only thing that helps with my DSs behaviour is exercise and lots of it. So plenty of walks, sport, playground and parks. I'd aim to get them outside at least twice a day. The added benefit is that it's been proved that sunlight aids sleep too.

Hopefully this will bump for you. In the meantime, have you considered posting on the SEN board?

Thank you. I really appreciate your comment and bump

They're definitely worse without exercise, but we get out loads (I generally find them easier to handle out of the house!) so I don't think I can do more of that at the moment.

When we got in earlier I had to sit them on separate sofas while I made tea and they still ended up scrapping in the middle of the room.

I realised earlier that what I really need is a plan. I respond to each incident individually so feel like I'm constantly coming up with rewards/sanctions. I need a plan so that no matter what happens I can follow it. I just need to work out what the plan is...

Have you read 123 magic? Haven't tried it myself but it seems to be one of the books some MNers swear by

Thank you. I found a free PDF and gave skim read it. Sounds good. I'll try a version of it tomorrow and order book to read properly asap.

Let us know how you get on

Just popping back to say THANK YOU! I can't claim my children are angels now but introducing 123Magic has made me feel so much more in control.

When I first explained it, DS1 was quite angry but 'got it' straight away and responded quite well to the structure / concrete rules. DS2 didn't really understand the explanation but understands "that's a one" now. DS1 is trying to negotiate/argue about it so I might get the book to feel a bit stronger with it, but as a first step it's been very helpful. Thank you!

Google Laura Markham and sibling fighting. Siblings without rivalry an excellent easy read. Empathise with both (though you might be seething with one!) And finally, I read an article the other day emphasising the importance of sibling fighting as it teaches boundaries, conflict resolution and resilience. I felt very proud that it's something we prioritise in our house!

So glad it's working for you Yogi