7 year old visiting her friends houses

[iamapixiebutnotaniceone]

Before I start I have to say I am well aware that I am OTT!!
My 7 year olds friends have begun going to each other's houses for tea etc as children do. I can't allow myself to give my daughter that freedom. Put quite simply, at around her age I was regularly abused by someone I knew. I was small and immature for my age, they were a bit older and obviously not immature. We were always left together to play, parents were in the house but left us alone upstairs. I am all too aware of how easily this can happen and I am too scared to allow the possibility of this happening to my children. I know if I don't give her some freedom it will cause resentment as she gets older and cause her to be alienated in her friendship groups.
I do talk to her friends parents and suggest that we take them out together but they don't seem keen. I know that the done thing is to reciprocate the offer so I'm not sure about inviting others to us either, it could be awkward or insulting declining a return offer. I don't know what to do!
I should add that her dad is also all too aware of the prevalence of abuse and/or exploitation and is also very reluctant to let her go.

I do understand your reluctance but I think that you need to find a way to let her go. Going to play at a friend's house is a really important part of growing up and at 7 it's a really big deal for a lot of children. What happened to you was terrible and I'm reading into it that another child abused you but it's such an important part of growing up for your child and it will cause problems if you don't allow it. have you had any counselling? It might be well worth it

O think you need to speak to someone professional about your fears. Your child will suffer if you don't get some help to overcome them

Do you talk to hour daughter about privacy, and her body? Nspcc has some great stuff on their website.
Not that I think the emphasis for keeping children safe should rest with them, but for me ( also abuse sufferer), the open communication really helped me deal with my fears.
And therapy was great, because once the fear and horror has died down, you can feel your instincts, and they will tell you if your kids are in any dodgy situations.
Also a great book The Courage To Heal.
But look at your issues now op, before your kids get restricted by your trauma.
I feared therapy would be like going through it all again , but it was much more learning to deal with the feelings caused by trauma, rather than talking about the trauma itself.

You can't make your children wear the wounds of your own experiences OP.

Beware - if this continues it WILL have an emotional impact upon your children . And that will be the time when social care get involved .

The only person IRL that knows what was done to me is the person that did it. I don't think I could sit and speak openly about it.
Our daughters are very aware of their right to privacy and respect etc
I know I'm going to have to let her go, all of them in fact. I have four daughters and I know in my 'reasonable mind' that I can't let my fears limit them and I don't want to project my fears onto them either. I'd hate for them to feel like this, it's just such an intense fear to overcome.

Could you perhaps pick a parent of your dd's friends, someone you think trustworthy and kind, and ask them if it'd be possible for you to go with your dd to theirs on a playdate? Or two?

You could easily fudge and suggest that you're a bit of a nervous-nelly, helicopter mum who is trying to get some practice in at being braver with dd's independence. Trust me, there's lots of us around who had no traumatic experiences but still feel this way.

I think once you 'out' yourself a bit, the other parents will be happy to help you. They will likely agree to provide (a bit of) extra supervision, send you the odd pic, outline some detail about what the play date will involve (who, where, what).

At least, as the most anxious mum on the block, I've had loads of help with this. There's some gentle ribbing, but my house is very popular for play dates because the parents are sure their kids will be well-monitored. Over time, with practice I have built confidence in the play date 'thing'. The balance between risk and benefit does sort itself out a bit once you start. In a way, having lots of play dates teaches your kid what the range of 'normal' is, so they can better identify any 'abnormal' activities or feelings (and get help early).

I'm a work in progress, of course. I have a dear friend with 3 dc, who regularly gets up and, laughing, turns my chair so I'm facing away from her kids. She lets them free range far more than I ever could, and does so on purpose. She sees it stresses me out, wanting to pull them back from the stairs or sharp edges (or from throttling each other). So she turns my chair!