Should I give up?

[MissingMo]

Hi, I'm a new first time mum. My dd is five weeks and has been ebf since birth. More and more I find myself tempted to switch to combination feeding or ff. I find it very hard to feed in public so am avoiding going out, dd has an erratic sleep pattern so I have little support at night as my dp can't feed her, in the evening I find she will feed from 5.30pm until 8pm almost constantly and I'm finding it hard to get things done like housekeeping and cooking. I'm looking for honest opinions. Please advise me on what to do. I'm feeling very confused and defeated.

I ebf and I think it's par for the course for a while.
5 weeks is very young and I would suggest that a feeding routine will be established eventually.
Having said that, if it isn't working for you then either try expressing or some formula - just don't stress too much - that's the worst thing to do! X

Can your dp take over the cooking and housework in the evening times so that you can sit with your dd and let her feed as much as she needs to?

I felt the same at around 5 weeks op. Baby is still very young and it is of course normal for her not to have a pattern or the pattern she does have to be inconvenient so please don't panic. However after over a month with having no sleep bar one hour here or there I chose to combi feed with formula so my partner could help. I tried expressing but it just didn't happen, I could be sat for an hour and be lucky to get an ounce.
Your sanity is very important ATM so I would advise you to make life a little easier by trying to express and if that doesn't happen then combi feed with formula.

Well done on 5 weeks EBF. I found the first 6 weeks the hardest, then it gradually got better in terms of getting into a routine.
Regarding the housework and cooking - can you get help from DP or family? There is no shame in accepting what help you can when you're working hard on providing the best for your DD (and BFing IS hard work!). Clusterfeeding in the evening is totally normal at this age as are growth spurts. I would spend most nights on the sofa feeding baby and not getting much else done to be honest! No one expects your house to be neat when you have a newborn to look after. There's nothing wrong with using some good quality convenience food either.

Also about feeding in public, I can sympathise, I didn't muster the courage to feed my DS1 in public until he was 4 months old, I wish i had done it much sooner as no one batted an eyelid! With DS2 I was a lot more comfortable going out and feeding him anywhere from the start. Can you try a breastfeeding cafe, children's centre or somewhere else that's family friendly? It can be very isolating being at home all the time and lead to PND.

If you can keep going you may find things improve around the 6 weeks mark as they do for many. If not then my advice would be to try combi-feeding rather than switching fully to ff only as baby will continue to get benefits from breastfeeding then.

Thank you for your replies. I think I'm struggling so much because I'm not used to not being in control, I had quite a lot of maternity leave before dd was born so got into a routine of cooking and cleaning which i can't do now.
Dp is very understanding and helpful but has to be prompted to do anything like start dinner or mind dd whilst I get on with anything. He also isn't very confident with some of the aspects of looking after her like burping or changing her nappy. I guess I should ask for more help.
I have expressed in the past but found myself not really achieving more than an ounce each time so have stopped. I think it's something I'll resume from now on.
Thank you all for your kind replies. At posting I was feeling very stressed and upset however now I feel a bit more positive. Whatever happens will be okay, I can persevere knowing that I'm not alone feeling this way.

Get in some tasty ready meals, give up on housework for a week, dp does essentials- washing, whatever else you are desperate to see done.
Do you have some friends who can pop in- bit of company without worrying about feeding in public?
It does get easier, and settle into something more predictable- but so long as your baby is fed the method doesn't matter. But nor does house work- your sanity and baby is all that is important right now.
Also the only thing that will improve dps confidence in winding/ changing etc is practice- and the feeling that you have confidence in him.
It's a tough time, but. You will get through it, one way or another.

Your dh needs to realise that the only reason you are confident with burping and nappy-changing is because you got stuck in and did it before you were confident. Nobody is born knowing these things.

You're definitely not alone! I only got through those first few weeks of breastfeeding by telling myself 'I'll do it for just one more week and then see how I feel.' At the end of each week, I generally felt I could manage just one more, and then over time it actually became easier and better, and I've stuck with it for four months now. That may sound silly, but viewing it a week at a time made the whole thing seem less overwhelming. And it honestly does get easier. Have you tried feeding with a breastfeeding apron? If you're uncomfortable doing it in public, they're a great solution as you really can't see anything at all. You can find them on EBay for about £5.

Just switch to combination feeding, it's absolutely fine. And tell your partner to step up and show some initiative rather than wait to be told what to do all the time. Does he sit around waiting for instructions on everything at work? Plus I know we all doubt ourselves as parents, but lacking the "confidence" to change a nappy is a new one. It's not hard.

Thank you again for all your replies. I feel in s much better place and am persevering with bf, have managed to do some expressing today too.
I spoke to dp today, he says he didn't want to just take dd and I should ask him to take her if I need him to. He says he will make more effort to help around the house and even made dinner today!
I'm feeling much happier and its all down to you and this community

I could have written your post to some extent last week op!
My DD is 5 weeks old and until last week it was taking me anywhere between 2-6 hours to feed her.
We've been seeing s lactation consultant for 3 weeks and my confidence has soared just from so much feeding in front of her and the other mums.

One of the things that kept me going was seeing the mums at the clinic so desperate to feed their babies and being unable to, made me realise how lucky I was. My DD was dealing with a tongue tie so there was always a good chance of improvement.

My DP does all the cooking/cleaning but like you, I want to do it myself but can't!
They are men and don't do the house stuff as efficiently as we do abs as much as we just want them to do it, they really need to be told what to do mainly because they are scared to get it wrong and let us down. They can see what we are having to do ( I don't let him help at night as want him to be fresh for work as he drives for living and I'd be scared if he was driving sleep deprived) so he says he feels a bit useless sometimes. They WANT to help so let them and just gently guide them along.
Agree with other posters, get lots of ready meals in, don't worry too much about house work, just tell dp what you need him to do, drink loads of water, practise feeding st home in your nursing tops, maybe find somewhere local that really prides itself on being bf friendly and take a mate along for a coffee. I used my local pub in the mornings for coffee as I used to run it and know all the staff and simply didn't care if they saw a bit of nip or not!

I know you can do it an confidence will keep growing. BUT if at any point you feel like you don't want to do it any more then I think you should look at other options. It's more important baby has a happy mum