AIBU to think they are unreasonable

[Sausagehead]

My 6 year old so son does karate and has been going for about 7 or 8 months. He is the only one that hasn't received the weekly trophy. The other children have received it 2 or 3 times each and he has now started to questions why. When I asked the lady tonight she said oh he can be silly and sometimes doesn't concentrate. They are so young I feel this is unfair and unnecessarily strict. Surely he has done something worthy of merit in the last 7 months, there are only 9 kids in the class. He now doesn't really want to go because he has started saying he is no good at it. I had to force him this evening. I just think he has been singled out and they obviously don't like him for whatever reason. AIB overly sensitive? Should I look for a new class? I don't like the idea of sending him somewhere I feel he is being ostracized. What do you all think?

Is he silly? Are the other kids in the class his age? Martial arts are quite dangerous if you don't follow instructions carefully.

No he isn't. he did love it. Was really enthusiastic and practiced at home. They call it silly. Everyone else refers to it as bags of personality. He is just happy go lucky. He takes pride in it too. I really can't understand their response.

Martial arts are all about discipline. A weekly trophy seems unfair though. We do another form of martial arts and they compete... every competition every child gets a medal in under 10's from what I've seen... the groups are usually set up so that there's 3 in each and obviously that gives a gold, silver and bronze

Well they are only little so it's more like little Dragons. Every week there is a star of the week. Seems v harsh that he is only one in 7 months who has never received it, whilst everyone else has had it atleast twice.

My DD tried martial arts when she was 4.5-5. She loved it but then just got a bit jaded by the "discipline" aspect of it all. It was the "tiger cubs" version so I expected a gentle introduction into it where they worked on skills like following instructions etc. It got to the stage where I was forcing her to go as the people running it (imo) just had no idea how to translate it into a concept that worked for young children.

I wasn't paying the extortionate fees for something I was having to force her to go to and so I agreed she could quit. Shame as she was actually pretty good at it and it was clearly helping her with co-ordination.. it was just not a very nice experience. Kids that age are silly and sometimes they don't listen, I don't think it's the end of the world and it should be something thats more of a continious improvement than a zero tolerance policy. Perhaps find another club if you don't think its a good fit?

Yup, my daughter does a martial art and sound the same as your son. She never gets the trophy as she spends alot of the time pissing about and chatting.
Why should she be "rewarded" with a trophy if she's not putting the work in?

Same goes for your son. What lesson is it teaching of they just hand out the trophy for nothing?

Yep my DS is only 4 lol... I wouldn't give up on martial arts, I think they're awesome. I'd look for a new club though!

I love the discipline and respect they teach but destroying confidence isn't the aim at all

He does not mess about and talk. He is totally into it.

Yabu
Unless you're the qualified teacher you can't make a judgment.
Don't be THAT parent.

He can be silly and not concentrate.

But now he doesn't mess about? Which is it?

What does That mean?

I have a cousin who does competition and I understand about discipline. I just think at this young age it should be about fun and capturing their interest and harvesting enthusiasm NOT destroying their confidence.

They say he can be silly. He doesn't mess about. There is a difference to just being happy and enthusastic, and messing about. He IS only 6 years old for gods sake.

"Unless you're the qualified teacher you can't make a judgment."

I'm sorry but they're hardly qualified teachers are they? The one we went to, the "teachers" were terrible imo... they'd ramp the kids up to 100 having them running around mad and then start barking orders at them, sometimes contadicting orders that didn't even make sense to the parents spectating never mind a bunch of hyper 5 year olds.

And I agree 100% op... at 10 it should be about restraint and discipline etc, at 5/6 it should be about enthusiasm, learning how to move your body in various ways and most importantly FUN. They have a school week to be serious.

I am wondering if our kids went to the same club

I think if it was me I would find another type of club. It is not acceptable after 7 months to find nothing good or reward improvement.

I have girls but at 6 one was doing piano, French and swimming and the other one was doing lots of dance and swimming at 6. Many of the boys did football or tag rugby
as well as swimming, gym etc but lots of sports are more fun than this appears to be.

I had flute lessons for a year when I was 8 or 9 years old. We were only 5 in the class. The teacher was one of those who needs a scape goat in every class and that was me. I think she was unhappy that I used the flute my granddad gave me instead of buying one from her. She liked to put me down and indicate that I hadn't rehearsed even when I did better than the others. It took a bit of a fight with my mother before she would let me refrain from signing up for a second year. She was a teacher herself and didn't like to believe that teachers could be like that. When I told the flute teacher that I wasn't going to sign up for next year she was very suprised. Apparently, hadn't considered, that there might be consequences at all for her bad behaviour. I guess that with only 4 pupils she couldn't continue. My mum has since acknowledged, that she shouldn't have made me stay in the class for the entire year.

I think it sounds a bit mean. He can't be that bad or they'd have kicked him out the class or at least had words with you about it, prior to you raising the trophy issue.

Even if he is a bit silly, in those 7 months, you'd think he'd have had a "better week" compared to others at some point. And you'd hope they'd reward him to encourage that. He wouldn't have to be perfect, but if they couldn't see he was trying hard that week, the trophy might encourage him to concentrate even harder going forward. I think it's quite sad that they aren't making some effort to encourage the behaviour they want from him. I'm not surprised he's getting despondent. If you really don't think his behaviour is unacceptable, I'd probably be looking for another class. Yes martial arts is about discipline, but surely a young child's class should also be encouraging all sorts of other aspects too likely enthusiasm and confidence.

My daughter does a class and there is a boy that started off behaving terribly, each week they give a trophy and explain exactly why the person was chosen. They used the trophy to encourage better behaviour by picking one little thing that he did well. It must be really off putting for your son to not get it at all in that time x

A good sensei would see the need to encourage their students. Ours would never overlook a student like this.

Which club are you with (you mention little dragons.. Sounds familiar)

I hate the bloody unnecessary weekly award. That'd be enough to put me off joining tbh.

.. Sorry , when I say ours wouldn't do this, I mean with the under 7s. There's incentives for the older ones, but it's mostly based on attendance. There are extra badges for different achievements and participation in demos or competition. Bad behavior is largely ignored really. Works extremely well.