Cannot cope today

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

Have two DSs, 2y 7m and 8w. The toddler is whingey and whiney and wants me to play with him, and is aggressive towards the baby. I can't leave them alone together because he would likely kill the baby. The baby is refluxy and is constantly sick. He's been on infant gaviscon since Saturday which was helping at first, but today he's even throwing that up.
I'm so tired I can barely think. Have hypothyroidism and am in that fog, so have a GP appt next week to order blood tests.
I burnt myself on Saturday which is really painful and annoying.
Have pre-existing MH issues, but no obvious PND this time (yet). But it means I hit my wall a bit more easily than other people, I suppose.
I put the baby in the sling which usually sends him to sleep, so I could get the toddler's tea, and he did a stealth puke into my bra (I ran out of clean tops so stopped bothering at about 10am.
I've noticed sudden urinary incontinence this week, which has devastated me. I'm working extra hard on the pelvic floor exercises to try and remedy it, but it's not even stress incontinence. It just flows
DH doesn't get home until nearly 7, or afterwards sometimes, so I've still got hours alone. No family nearby and can't ask friends round at children's tea time and while my house is such a tip (seriously, it's bad). I have a lovely HV but the office is closed now so I can't call her.
Just sitting here covered in sick, pissing myself and having a cry.
Please tell me I will laugh about this one day.

Just think about the and you could reward yourself with when you can. Can you ring a friend, not to go round but just to talk?

If you tell your friends you just need some adult company, surely if they're worth anything they won't give a tinkers toss about the state of the house? Has your DH taken any paternity leave? If not, could he to give you some extra support? Could you go for a quick after tea walk with baby in the sling to get some fresh air?

I need lots of wine and cake. Settling for coffee now, which I will live to regret at 2am.

DH did take paternity leave, and has had days off here and there (two days only last week). He's very supportive and hands on and takes the baby from 8pm-12am and then gets up with both boys from 6am.

My friends wouldn't judge, but they've done so much for me already, I feel like there's got to be a limit and don't feel I can always be on at them for help. They're always coming round here and the house is too small for all the children, garden non-existent. They've got their own lives to deal with as well.

If DH gets in on time I'm hoping to go to the walk in centre about this burn as it's getting sore and the blisters keep popping and refilling so that'll be a change of scenery at least. Should probably find the least sicky top to put on, though,

I've got wine, but unfortunately my day starts again in 3.5 hours

DS1 has gone to his grandparents for two nights. Breathing space. It makes me feel very sad that life is so much easier and a bit nicer when he's being entertained elsewhere.

Don't feel guilty about that, OP. DD is 4 and DS 6w. I find I'm loving the time when she's at nursery, and biting people's hands off when they offer to take her, because time with just the baby is so much easier. But I have to keep telling myself that DD loves nursery/grandparents etc, and she's really enjoying all the 1-1 attention.
Are you bfing? I'm ff and today have left the baby with DH for the morning and taken DD out for a while. It's assuaged the guilt somewhat!

Oh that's a real perk of bottle feeding, isn't it? I mix fed DS1 for the first three months and it helped so much. DS2 does take bottles but if I'm around I breastfeed him as I can't be bothered to deal with the engorgement. But I've asked DH to do all of Friday night for me and I'll just wake up in a puddle deal with it.
He's not home until midnight tonight and I hope DS2 is good for me. Not having to get the toddler's dinner and bed done is such a relief.
I've increased the Gaviscon and might make another GP appointment to ask about ranitidine if this doesn't help.
Thanks all for responding.