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Parenting

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My kids Father

10 replies

Thistlerose · 02/08/2017 11:12

Hi, I'm just looking for some advice on how to handle a reoccurring situation. I have two kids to a previous marriage (14&10) My ex husband and I are both remarried. We both remained good friends and had a very good relationship despite having other partners. Any way he met his current wife and was living with her within 3 weeks, she has two kids the same age as mine (roughly). My kids instantly started to resent the situation as their Dad gave up his house, which included all their things and their bedroom to move in with this girl (now wife) My daughters had to sleep on blow up beds on the floor and the new partners parenting techniques were completely opposite to what my kids were used to. In a short period of time my teenager and ten year old were aware of drug paraphernalia including all the wonderful names for cannabis and how it's weighed for sale etc. I confronted their Father and received a call from his partner telling me she was in fact going to kill me. I am not scared of her in the slightest but I am scared of the lifestyle they are showing my children. I went to court after a long list of things I just couldn't accept for my kids. The courts removed all rights except 6 hours a week to see my youngest daughter. They are not allowed to stay over etc any more! Any way this court order has been in place for roughly a year but they still can't just leave it be. His wife isn't meant to come to my area but she's here every single time, stands outside my gate with her dogs, they have now just moved from one end of the city to the next street to us. Despite all that I'm worried for my kids. They hate visiting because they desperately want to see their Dad but they are forced in to kissing their 'Mum' and have to tell her they love her. She posts on social media about her four kids but rarely even sees my teenager. She makes them refer to her kids as siblings and their Dad makes them address her as Mum on greeting cards etc which are then posted online. My kids have told me yesterday that their Dad gives them a kiss Goodbye outside me house and each time he reminds them to kiss their 'Mum' goodbye. My teenager hates her but my ten year old says she's so scared of me seeing these things in case my feelings get hurt and she feels forced into these situations. The courts and mediators have addressed this with their Dad as both children had to talk to an independent child worker so they could get a true picture of what was happening and still he keeps manipulating them. It's starting to make me lower myself with anger and I can't help but be angry that she somehow feels like she's due credit for the wonderful kids that I have raised so far. Someone please tell me it will be ok and that my kids won't turn to their kid of lifestyle of drink, drugs, unemployment and criminal records. TIA

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MoiraRosesMeltdown · 02/08/2017 12:22

That is so hard. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you. But, if the wife isn't meant to come to your area but has moved close by, then you might have some legal rights if this was decided in court. Flowers

Thistlerose · 02/08/2017 12:24

Basically it was a legal promise that she would only attend to pick up and drop offs if it was unavoidable, this was due to her threatening me. Xx

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MeganLowena · 05/08/2017 10:10

What an awful situation. I think you're doing the right thing, and hopefully the fact that they don't see them all that much will mean your parenting style will win out. I can totally understand why you get angry, and I think anyone would. It's sad, but as time goes by they'll probably distance themselves from their dad and his wife anyway - he'll then suffer, but that's his fault.

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Thistlerose · 05/08/2017 14:13

Yes you're probably right.. My teenager has no court order so she can pick and choose and she very rarely visits.. She has asked to see her Dad alone for an hour a week but we had to say it was a suggestion from school as his wife refuses to let them spend any time alone at all xx

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MadMags · 05/08/2017 14:17

Is there a record of her threatening you?

If so, I would report her every time she's outside your house.

FoodArtFreak · 05/08/2017 14:27

I wish I had better advice! Sorry you're going through this OP Flowers

FWIW It will probably be fine, they sound like fairly sensible kids. Would family counselling be an option for them with their dad? I feel like a counselling scenario may allow them to express themselves without being manipulated

Thistlerose · 05/08/2017 14:56

MadMags she threatened me over the phone with just my children present.. The second time was in the court foyer in front of numerous people as their solicitor notified them that she wasn't allowed at access with the kids for six weeks.. literally not a single thing happened re this except my ex husbands solicitor apologised and after that court appearance she didn't represent them further.. xx
FoodArtFreak we were offered mediation but he refused on two occasions because our spouses weren't to be anything to do with the negotiations.. He blatantly said that decisions regarding his children would be made via input from his partner.. The children both spoke with child panel workers and he was given minimum access as he refused any suggestions to have access alone.. I offered him his minimum access with addition access for just him and he turned it down xx

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MadMags · 05/08/2017 14:57

God, it sounds shit. I don't even know what to suggest! Sad

FoodArtFreak · 05/08/2017 15:10

Have you any ideas why he's so against seeing his own kids without his wife present?

I suspect they'll just give up with him eventually as he's putting them secondary to his "new" family

Thistlerose · 05/08/2017 15:50

I really don't know.. I feel like he's quite immature and instead of filling his kids with confidence and love he's filling his wife instead.. He is a very weak character and I didn't realise he did everything to please me, I'm a strong character, I was able to call him and ask why he did such and such in front of the kids etc but because she is a stronger character than me he will let her dictate.. I didn't realise that he actually Moulds to the person that he's with.. He took my morals and life skills and practiced them so there was no drugs, no swearing, screaming or hitting the kids.. His new wife has different ideals and it seems he's merged with them now.. He is absolutely completely different from how I know him and we were together for over ten years! Xx

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