Daughter upset and crying after coming home from playdate - should I ask the other Mum what happened?

[Autumnowls]

My middle daughter (aged 7) has come home this afternoon very upset and crying/sobbing after a playdate. Playdate was 2.5 hours with a school friend who she has known for a year, though never been to their house before. Other Mum was hosting, who has a 7 year old girl (the friend), 5 year old girl and 2 year old boy.

I could tell something was up as when I called on the door she came straight to stand next to me, totally silent. Normally doesn't want to leave and have to prise her away from a friends house with promises of another playdate soon and a lot of moans! She walked from the house silent and then started sobbing in the car.

She keeps saying she didn't have a nice time, but I can't find out the why. She says the other Mum shouted a lot, that the younger children kept following her and wouldn't leave her alone and she didn't get to play with her friend 1:1. None of these are reasons for this amount of upset... a moan maybe but not this. That is as much as I know. I am worried and now she has stopped crying but wont talk. She says she is never going to this girls house again and has shut down. My hubbie is now home with her but she isn't talking to him either.

Should I contact the other Mum and say she is upset and did anything particular happen? Or is this rude. Other Mum said on pick up 'she's had a nice time'. Or do I just leave it and hope she opens up tomorrow when feeling calmer?

Thank you

Yes. I would.

And I think what you describe could well be the reason. She's only 7 and 2.5 hrs can seem a very long time on your own when you don't know what's going on and whether you might get shouted at.

2.5 hours in a strange new environment with a shouty grownup sounds pretty intense for a 7 year old - it could well be 'just' that as MyCat suggests. I'd definitely ask the other mum.

Yes I would ask her it's the only way you will find out. It doesn't mean anything terrible has happened I used to go to my friends houses for tea all the time at that age. But there was one friend who I really got on with at school but I had to go home early from her house as I was sobbing uncontrollably because the only choice of drink was milk or vimto and I didn't like either!

100% ask the mum.

Was anyone else at her friends house?

Was the mum shouting at the kids or a partner? It's a bit off to be shouting at kids when one of their friends are there.

Thanks, shouting at the kids I'm told to quieten down, put things down, get out of rooms etc. It was just the Mum (and her three kids) and my daughter. Though she has said there were some workmen doing a path in the garden so they couldn't go outside much to play.

Also don't forget that for a child an adult who is not their own safe parent telling anybody off within earshot (however justified) can come across as very intimidating and shouty, where they might not even have registered their own mum as shouting.