Signs you're ready for another child?

[ApplesTheHare]

Struggling to find threads about this using the mn search function though I'm sure there must be a few...!

How did you know you were ready for another child? What really matters when making the decision? And is having a second (or third, etc.) always more than double the work as do many people say?

Tia

For me the urge for a second came when DS (who is now 3.5 years) was about 15 months old. Me and DH had previously agreed we'd only have the one child so when I had these urges I was surprised at how strong they were and it made things quite hard between me and DH as he had no wish for a second baby at all.

I kept trying to put my thoughts aside but they became more consuming and the older DS became the more I wanted to have another baby because it felt very important to me that he had a sibling. I spoke to DH about it many times but he wouldn't waiver and I would find it all very upsetting.

However, when DS was almost two, and after another emotional discussion about me wanting another baby my DH did then agree we could TTC because he could see how much it meant to me. I fell pregnant straight away but then miscarried at six weeks. It took another 10 cycles before I fell pregnant again and the baby is due in 3 weeks.

I'm sure it's going to be hard work find I'm mentally prepared for that. It's going to be a tough few years I'm sure but I can't wait to have two children!!

Wow good luck Writer and thanks for sharing! How does your day feel about gaining a sibling?

I'm in a similar-ish situation, though without the pregnancy obviously. I spent the first year of dd's life wanting another child but dh has been totally against it since she was born. She's about to turn 3 now so I've spent the past 2 years accepting we'll be a 1-child family and now all of a sudden dh is up for another. I'm not sure how I feel any more!

I had my ds and my dd was born 11 months later. Dd will be 1 on Saturday and ds 2 in September, baby 3 is due in December!

Me and dh got the urge for another fairly early on as you can probably guess. We have a big enough house, enough money, family support etc so there was no need for us to wait.

For me no I wouldn't say it's been double the work. When dd arrived we had a rounite for ds and dd just sort of slotted in.

In hindsight I'm not sure we were ready to be honest haha! But the urge for me started about the time DS1 was around 1. My DP wasn't quite ready yet but he got there a few months later, we started trying when DS1 was 16 months old and fell pregnant a month later (age gap between our is 2 yrs 2 months).

What mainly matters I think is this:

• you both want it and feel ready to go through the whole pregnancy/newborn stage again
• you're prepared for the practicalities e.g. space in your house/car and are financially able to support another DC
• your body has sufficiently recovered from previous birth (in case you're planning a very small age gap)

But boy is it ever hard work. When I got pregnant we had a lovely little toddler, but by the time baby was born he was a bit of a nightmare definitely entering the terrible two's stage.
In our case having two under-3s really feels like more than double the work because both of them need you very much individually, but in addition you're also battling with the older sibling's emotions and behaviour towards the new arrival. Constantly having to watch that your toddler doesn't hurt the baby (on purpose or by accident), or wakes up baby when they're finally asleep, and once baby can crawl there'll be squabbles over toys, and you CANNOT split yourself in two so when both cry for you who do you see to when you're on your own with them? It adds a whole other dimension of stress!
Secondly looking after a newborn with an older child is so much harder on you in the early weeks because you're up every hour all night with the baby, then guess who wants you at 6am in the morning?? There is no "napping when baby naps"!

That said, I am still quietly confident that when DS2 is a bit bigger and they can properly play together it'll be all worth it lol. I never wanted an only child anyway.
But right now I often every day think back on how easy life was when it was just the one...!

Going from 2 to 3 is totally unthinkable as we are barely coping some days to be honest, but some people do it so I guess one day I may contemplate it, I just hope someone smacks the idea right out of my head when the time comes!

Wow, I can't even imagine coping with such close age gaps! Hoping that if we go for it it will be a bit easier because dd will be getting closer to 4... Or maybe I'm just kidding myself??

I've been broody on and off since dd was about 6 months, she's now 2. However every time she goes through a phase of poor sleep I think "nope, can't manage another!"

In reality we plan on trying when she 3 for practical reasons. We can't afford 2 lots of nursery and can't afford to go back to smp yet!

I never wanted another one as the first was so difficult, but then was told due to a medical condition it was either now or never. Never seemed scarier than now so we wen for it. Baby number 2 has been a breeze so far!

I always wanted 2 or 3. With a 2 year gap between number 1 and 2.

DS1 was so difficult (severe reflux) and my pregnancy was so horrible that I couldn't even contemplate being pregnant again until he was 20 months old.

Then the idea popped into my head that I could imagine being pregnant again soon. Talked it over with DH, decided that we'd wait a few months so that I'd be sure to get my promotion before announcing my pregnancy (otherwise I would not have got the promotion...).

Got pregnant first month TTC, just a month before DS1's 2nd birthday.

Again couldn't imagine being pregnant again before DS2 turned 2 and then all of a sudden it just seemed possible.

But this time the decision wasn't so easy. We talked it over loads for about 6 months but have pretty much decided to stick at 2.

Going for number 1 and number 2 was an easy decision. The decision for number 3 was a lot harder.

Thanks everyone. It seems like everyone struggles with the decision more than they did with their first. I guess you're so much more aware of the practicalities!

Ds didn't sleep for more than an hour until 18m. When he finally did I think we realised another one would be ok.

I don't think there is ever an ideal time. For us it's my advancing age - need to pop one more out before I'm too old.

@PinkHeart5911 does that mean your children will be in the same school year?!

Aw Anatidae that's a pressure for most people nowadays it seems. I'm 33 now and feeling similar...

I think if your DD is around 4 I do think the early years for no. 2 will be a bit easier for you, from what I've heard anyway!
However the difficulty will be more along the lines of finding activities both children enjoy later on as they are at quite different stages and they may not play with each other as much as children with a closer age gaps.
The other difficulty is getting used to a newborn again after years of sleeping through the night etc.
It all has pros and cons but long time I could not imagine having an only child (I realise not everyone has a choice in the matter).

I did it quite quickly after DC1 was born. They are 15 months apart. I knew if I didn't get cracking I'd never do it. At the time it was a nightmare, now they are older it's very good. I think for lots of people, there is never a good time but sometimes you just have to take the plunge.

Ds1 is 7.
Ds2 is 5.
Dd just turned 1
Ds3 due in October. (He was a surprise)
Im expecting to be broody again in a few years but have already agreed with DH we will try getting kittens instead.

Oh and the amount of extra work so far is nowhere near the same as the amount of awesome moments seeing 3 tiny people I've created loving each other has brought. I wasn't prepared for the way they make me feel when they are together.

We always planned to have 2 but wanted to have a 3 year gap for financial reasons (free nursery hours) so started trying when ds was 2. He's just turned 3 and we are still trying

I think for me, it wasn't an emotional decision as such, I never really had that with ds either. I knew I wanted children, but never got that "urge" that people talk of.

Eminy sorry to hear you're still trying but hopefully you'll get good news soon. Thanks for sharing about the emotional side of your decision-making. I never had that urge either so it's good to know I'm not the only non-earth mother out there, much as I love dd!

Mo do you have more than 1? Basically I'm hoping the early years are a bit easier if we're lucky enough to conceive again. It seems to be the bit I'm least suited to in lots of ways.

Oddsocks the kittens next time made me laugh!!

My dh had always wanted a 2 year gap between kids but after having dd we decided it would be best to try for baby no 2 when dd was going to be starting school. Dd starts in reception in September and baby no 2 was born in may so we ended up with a 4 year gap, which we are happy with. It has meant we've not had to worry about paying for childcare for 2 kids at the same time. It’s also been nice that we had dd first, as she's almost acting like a second mum as she just wants to help lots with baby no 2 and loves given him kisses & cuddles. Part of me is contemplating having a third baby but dh is not keen, especially as my second pregnancy was hard and I would be that much older if we had a similar age gap for a third baby.

Yes I've got 2 boys 2.2 years apart. I don't regret their age gap as it's what I chose but if I ever had a third (very unlikely I should stress!!!) I would wait until DS2 is at leat 3-4. But I don't see that ever happen, two is plenty!!

We had 4 very close together - we had twins when ds was almost a year and a half then dd3 was born just over a year later.
If you ended up having twins or a child with health issues would you still be able to manage?

I think the best/easiest thing about DC2+ is that you realise that the baby years really do fly by, and none of it lasts for ever. I couldn't have contemplated the idea of another when mine were younger than 2.

I found that life gets so much easier when they get to about 2.5, and that's when I think about having another.

I have 2 dc she 5 and 2 I knew I was ready for another when I became broody again couldn't shake the thought of wanting another and I knew my family didn't feel complete, can't explain how I just knew! Also my eldest is very independent, so I knew if I had another I could handle them both

Lizibet that's a good question about twins/health issues. Luckily twins don't run in the family so I feel like we're safe from that one. Health issues is a harder one to answer because of course the range of severity is huge. I know I'd love a child with health issues (dd's had a fair few) but like most people I'd be daunted by severe, life-long conditions and wonder what that would mean for the child's happiness and wellbeing.

:) the health questions and twins are a good point. We had that discussion in the beginning of this pregnancy because a friend had recently had a baby with downs syndrome who spends an awful lot of time in hospital and ds1 had spent a full weekend in hospital which gave us a glimpse into what life would be like having one in hospital with others at home.
Because we have 3 now, one being 15 months when this one is born, DH will probably not be able to be with me for my section. Depending on our car situation at the time he may not actually meet the baby until we are released from hospital.
It is probably helpful in making a rational decision to look at your life the way you like it and see how even a healthy baby would change things. Could you fit in your car? Would you all fit in a hotel room? Can you take them all on rides if you went to a theme park? Can you take them swimming? Some pools are 1:1. Dd was a screamer, constantly, it's amazing I have any sanity left and have basically become a shut in, could you cope with that?
But in reality it's not often a sit down and go through the pros and cons type of decision for people. I always wanted enough kids to have a good game of monopoly lol. Ds's are like best friends and I'm glad Dd will potentially have a buddy too.
Also the more kids you have the more complicated getting to hospital appointments becomes.
I faced a fair amount of family opposition when I had ds2, wasn't the right time etc and my ex is awful. But I had my eyes on the future, I didn't need a baby, I wanted a companion for ds1. I can honestly say it was probably the best decision I ever made. They've spent the past few nights sleeping in the same bed and are up and playing together they definitely have an amazing bond.
Sorry I know this is long, just one more thing.
I've seen also that how you feel about your childhood can change how you feel about having children. A friend only had 2 because she always felt left out as a third child. DH had one sister and they didn't get on so he didn't want any (until he met me and my boys), I cannot imagine having grown up without my brothers. Ups and downs etc but it definitely made me feel a few is better than 1 for me. That and I love board games.