Nearly 4 year old and 18 month old - help!

[Blerg]

My kids are both lovely, but the last couple of weeks have been utterly awful. Is it a bad age combo? I really thought it would be easier by now. In comparison, newborn and toddler combo seemed easy.

They get on quite well, but my son (18 month old) disrupts her play quite a bit. We try to manage this by either doing certain things in his nap time or taking him off somewhere (tiny flat, not easy). But she will then gravitate to where we are.

18 month old climbs constantly. Not 5 minutes goes by without her yelling 'he's on the table!' and I have to dash in and haul him down.

The nearly 4 year old is extremely stroppy, but also clingy. She's surly, cross but also desperate to be near us. She wants full on parental attention from us both at all times. It doesn't seem to matter how much quality time we build in. She says she doesn't want to play alone.

It all adds up to feel irritated and stressed just getting through the day. DH practically skipped off to work today, and I'm sure I will when he's home with them on my work days.

I feel like we've got into bad habits with too much TV. Which then stops her being able to entertain herself. But we have no garden, and are packing to move house (she's not anxious about it and this difficult period has been going on for a while.)

Help! What can I do to feel I am meeting their needs and able to get stuff done.

I'm not sure I got the situation across here. But without the TV it's one long round of spilt drinks, fighting,baby having to be got down from somewhere, chivvying to get dressed, to come to the table, baby bashing himself, baby interrupting her and having to be stopped, they want a snack, not that one. Etc etc etc!

It's got to the point where I'm washing up and get maybe a spoon and a cup clean before I'm summoned.

We go out most days to the park or library.

Could you contain one or other in a play pen? I often used to put the older one in the play pen when he wanted to play with stuff that wasn't suitable for the younger one - lego etc.
How about stair gates across doorways to keep them separated?
Could you put the younger one in high chair/booster seat to do stuff at the table - drawing/stickers etc, so that they could do stuff together but not together!!
Make it clear that you will do something with them - game, story, activity, but then you have to do washing up/cooking etc before doing the next specified thing. If they interrupt, make it clear that they will have to wait longer before the next activity starts. Could the older one help with putting away etc?
It can be hard at times - I found (and still do at 13 and 15) that whether my DC get on goes in cycles. For 6 months or so everything works well and then suddenly one of them will grow up a bit and things aren't so good for a few months.

Wow, you've just described my life! I have a 4 year old DS and 20 month old DD and I'm really struggling with them at the moment. I feel like it's impossible to meet their needs! We've got a small living room and I either have DS interrupting DD's play by getting in her face, giving her little pushes which starts her screaming or I have DD interrupting DS's play by taking his toys. DS always wants me to play with him which is really difficult when I'm trying to prevent DD from disrupting things. Any attempt to encourage them to play together is rebuffed by DS, who only wants to play with me.

So we try and get out of the house but even that is stressful. We went to a play cafe and park today. We had to leave the play cafe because DD was pulling stuff for sale off the shelves rather than playing with toys, and then we had to leave the park because DS became grumpy because I couldn't follow him around the playground due to having to supervise DD. He wants my attention 100% of the time which is impossible when you've got an active young toddler. I cannot win!

The other thing is mine are quite different in personality and interests. My DD really likes drawing, painting etc. but DS hates it, so I can't even set up similar activities for them. DS likes rough play, DD understandably runs a mile. It's impossible and so hard. I am counting down the days until he starts school in September.

Sorry, no real advice but you're not the only one struggling!

Thank you both for your comments.

Seeline some good ideas to try there. I don't think we have space for a playpen, but a stair gate across the doorway might help! The highchair too. It is, as you say, v much a feeling that it's all ok until someone goes through a developmental phase. I thought it was lessen by 13 / 15 though!

User it's so hard isn't it! I'm quite lucky even that DS will do anything DD is doing really. Albeit in a destructive way. He's very much at the throwing it all on the floor stage. Jigsaws and pens. Stuff we wouldn't have had when she was that age! Good that your DS has school soon - DD is a September born, and I feel quite guilty wishing she was going this year!

I have 18 month twins and a 5 year old so I definitely can sympathise! I often feel very guilty that I can't engage in an activity with all 3 of them, but it would simply end in an argument. I second the idea of a gate across the door. We have that and 5 yo can do crafts/ lego etc in kitchen whilst the twins watch eagerly through the bars. It's not always that simple though when they all want me to play in different rooms!

Oh and it is much better when the eldest is at school, but the summer holidays are tough!