Feels like we're constantly shouting at 3yo DS1 not to hurt 6mo DS2

[Anticyclone]

DS1 is just turning 3yo, DS2 is 6 months.

Since DS2 has started getting interested in the world and interacting with us all, DS1 has started being quite rough and sometimes outright violent with him. We are constantly telling him not to roll on his little brother or put his full weight on him, or hit him or try and roll him over, or pick him up. DS1 takes absolutely no notice and we just end up getting angrier and angrier with him.

We are getting to our wits end. Time with both of them together is now stressful and fraught, and they can't be left alone for a second as we don't trust DS1.

I understand that jealousy is most likely the root of all this, and that probably he is doing this for attention. But unfortunately we can't do things like ignoring him as we absolutely can't let him hurt DS2.

I feel sorry for DS2 as I feel like all we do is tell him not to be too rough with his baby brother, and it feels like the more we shout the worse he gets!

Anyone got any advice? We're really struggling.

Sorry I did put paragraphs in, bit they've disappeared.

Dammed android app.

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I've not had this but agree, keep an eye the whole time.

Can you get DS1 involved in DS2's care e.g. fetching nappies etc?
And LOTS of praise for being a helpful big brother?
Show him how to interact nicely, with LOTS of praise.

Introduce something special for DS1 now he is getting grown up, something that enhances his status as a big brother? Extra story at bedtime, special toys of something?

Patience - this too shall pass!

Basically I think you have to not leave them together and keep disciplining DS1 every single time this happens (time out / naughty step / reward chart / lose TV time / whatever works for you) in a very calm and consistent manner. BUT at the same time remember that this is very very normal behaviour from DS1 - so try not to shout at him (I know it's hard!) or expect a miracle improvement.

It is a phase - I promise!

He takes no notice?
He needs a consequence. Every time.

Put the baby out of reach? I had dd2 in a sling on my back a lot, partly for this reason. Or would ds2 prefer a play pen to roll around in? I had a fenced off bit of kitchen (open plan kitchen / diner, so I fenced off the bit with hob, bin etc and put non mobile baby in there with me while I cooked. while toddler roamed outside the baby gates but in the same room).

If those don't work for you, perhaps just a big rug that's only for ds2 and no one is allowed to touch (you could make this into a game, perhaps)? It would need a lot of reinforcement, though.

Maybe reward at the end of the week for good behaviour?
For example if he manages to go at least 3 out of the week without being told off for being rough with his brother he gets a small prize but if he goes all week without having to be told off he gets a big prize.

But definitely loads of praise when he does behave and encouraging him to help out will make him feel a bit less put out.

My dd did this for quite some time, we had an age gap of 2yrs 10months. I am certain it was attention seeking, and us getting angry and therefore giving attention made it worse, so the things I found helped were: ignoring, but removing dd2 to a safe place (sending dd1 away difficult to do without giving attention to it); remaining calm and not reacting with anger - if you give consequences it needs to be the same every time and not show that they've wound you up (virtually impossible 100% of the time!); lastly as dd2 got more mobile I realised I didn't want to be constantly commenting on how she was playing with her as it sounds like constant criticism, and she didn't respond anyway. So over time I tried to just stop commenting on what she was doing and either letting it continue if dd2 was happy (she likes to wrestle!) or stopping it by separating them. Painful to watch at times, but I needed them to be able to get on with each other without me needing to be involved all the time.

Dd2 is now 15 months and dd1 4, they mostly get on very well, although 4yo is still a bit slow to stop when dd2 cries, but that's to be expected.

Disagree entirely with all the punishment advice. He's having perfectly normal toddler feelings about the huge change to his world. Don't make him the bad guy, you will alienate him further. Talk to him about these feelings. Acknowledge it's hard to become a big brother.

Create a completely safe play area for each. Use them daily by routine so they are used to them and when you can't be there to oversee, have them separate. Stay very close when they are together and block any hits etc and say I can't let you hit. Don't make it into a big deal. He already knows he shouldn't be doing it, but his impulses are getting the better of him since he's 3 and his whole world has changed. If it's repeated hits etc, separate them again. Explain you have to keep the baby safe. Don't leave them alone while this phase is ongoing.

Schedule some one on one time with your 3yo.

It will get better

Oh and try Siblings Without Rivalry - book or audiobook.

We had similar and implemented the naughty step, unfortunately it had the reverse effect as ds1 realised that we talked about positive behaviour, he had my full attention. We did find that rewarding good behaviour and encouraging positive play helped

Ds is 2.5 and does this to DD, now aged 9 months. In our case, it's occasionally jealousy but seems to mostly be misguided over affection. We've had very limitef success with the naughty step we think because he's not doing it deliberately.

It's slow progress but what seems to be working is every time he tries to pull her over for a cuddle, reminding him that if she bangs her head it will hurt her and giving him an acceptable alternative (kissing her cheek). Do you have a sense of why your DC is doing it?

If he does do it deliberately, we do tell him off. We also have rules about toy sharing now - she's allowed his toys if he isn't actively playing with them but we will stop her taking toys he is using. Now he knows well stop her he's getting better at not pushing her away.

I have a 4 year old who half the time dotes on her little sister ( 4 months) and the other half of the time I swear she's trying to break the baby!

I just keep reminds dd1 that her sister is very little and as she's she's such a big girl she can't lean on her or push on her belly as she will hurt.

A few times when she has really hurt her (kicked her in the head, really smacked her) she's had a time out on the naughty step (unfortunately after I shouted as I couldn't believe what she had done both times.)

I don't leave them alone as I don't trust dd1 alone with her. I give her important responsibilities of nappy/wipe fetching, she 'reads' to the baby, the baby gets stickers put all over her, I let dd1 hold the baby with me near but not hovering over them so she feels a little grown up and a couple of time I have let her carry dd2 a very short distance with me with them.

The attacks on dd2 aren't as severe anymore currently but sometimes I dread the couple of days when it's just the three of us as it's so draining to be on watch every second.

Many thanks for all your replies so far, lots of very good suggestions. I know we need to stop reacting negatively to his actions and keep our cool.