AIBU with in law visits

[user2814]

Hi,

I'm not sure whether I need a reality check or whether I am being reasonable. I find my in laws difficult, who doesn't?! But it's also the fact that my husband isn't supportive either.

They visit quite often, about every 4 weeks, which is too much and it's for two night and three long days, again too long for me but also for our children. They have what could be called the grandparent syndrome where they are moody, demanding and impatient after they have left and I'm always left to deal with the aftermath.

I'm getting pretty sick of me being on my own with this, depending on my husbands mood is whether he is supportive or not. I'm looking after the best for our children and I think he's looking for the easiest life. He is a MASSIVE mummy's boy and any conversations are hand when I'm not there, I feel like I am being manipulated.

The in laws don't follow anything that is to do with their routine or structure despite me saying it numerous times. I say something i.e. No jumping in the sofa or running and when I leave the room the children are doing just that. I don't actually know what to do now.

Husband wants to visit them but I don't want to go for too long due to the above and the changes in routine that there will be plus the sleeping arrangements I suspect will mean hardly anyone gets any sleep. He's refusing my compromise.

Also when the in laws are here he sees it (I suspect) as shedding his parental responsibilities so he lets them take over and this happens more so when we visit them, they take over and don't even ask. I completely despise being told what my child is doing, even in the past with the childminder they ask.

I feel it started when my first was a baby and I let them muscle in so to speak and gradually over time they have interfered more, taken over more, increased the duration and quantity of their stats more and I don't know how to change it

If your dh wants to visit them then wish him a pleasant trip. No law says you have to go. . The dc can accompany him. .

And you get some likely well deserved time off. .

Think about what would work for you. It sounds like they are irritating rather than an absolute nightmare, and obviously they are DH's parents, so it's reasonable for you to see them sometimes - what would be a good outcome for you? Once every six weeks rather than every four weeks? Or one night rather than two? Or sometimes DH takes the DC to see them without you?

Have a conversation with DH and lay out what you want clearly.

He's saying he's going to take the eldest for 24 hours (he still hasn't), which I don't get the difference between the 4 of us going and 2. He says it's less faff.

He just wants his own way and isn't thinking of anyone else or maybe I'm doing that too but I do think my reasons are legitimate.

Yes they are quite irritating more than a nightmare, having the kitchen re arranged, the bathroom full of their stuff, tidying up after two other people, doing what they want when they want and winding up my children is quite irritating.