Destructive play solutions

[redjumper]

My 4 year old is quite a 'boy' boy and especially recently he's super active and destructive. Please help, I find it so annoying.

1. Is it normal to go through a crazy phase at 4? It's like he's full of testosterone.
2. What games can we play/things I can give him when he's shouting 'let's go and break something up'.

Any other tips on handling this?

Have you got a garden that you can send him out into?

If he burns up some energy running around outside, he may be calmer when he gets back inside.

Failing that, maybe try something like building up blocks / Duplo / Lego to break them down again?

"Let's go and break something up"?

Seriously?

Seriously what?

He shouts that he wants to destroy something. You think great what can I give him to destroy?

Because he's something called a "boy boy"?

Are you being serious?

Oh get off my thread. Why waste your life going through Mumsnet posts to pick things out to criticise.

Maybe you are serious. IF you are, then PPs advice to wear him out as much as you can is probably wise, but pandering to destructive impulses isn't great. What more positive things does he like?

I also think you need to be prepared for a bumpy landing in Sept in Year R.

Think about what social skills he's going to need to fit into a class and start working on those.

X post.

OTOH, just carry on as you are. I'm sure he and 29 sets of parents will love you for it soon enough.

Also, I'd look at his sleep. Is he getting enough?

My DC, the eldest in particular, tend to get hyperactive when tired.

They're much calmer in the daytime when they've had enough sleep. There's a noticeable difference in behaviour if they've had a particularly bad nights sleep for whatever reason.

Trying to raise my anxiety about him starting school and me becoming an unpopular mum...very kind. Like I said, please get off my thread, your behaviour is quite Troll like

Hey Op - if your still here...my boys have been destructive in that they dump everything out and make a massive mess and descend into wrestling each other constantly. If mine break something it's thrown out and they won't get a new one. They don't break though so much as take apart and dump....I make them clean it up and try to channel their energy into different streams of play. I may suggest an activity, start playing with them then trail off when the games established. I do try to unclench a bit if the mess has a particular imaginative impetus behind it ie"we are playing garbage truck and these are our garbage piles" typed thing . Lots of outdoor time to burn off physical energy is key. Embrace opportunities to dig, get mucky, build, be inquisitive, deconstruct - these are great skills and traits in their own right.

Let him build towers with duplo or mega blocks and knock them down.

Collect old cardboard boxes for the same reason.

Try and find something quiet he enjoys. This is a great time for Lego building. If he's bright I recommend a set where he has to follow instructions and concentrate rather then that a box of bricks with no direction. I would encourage anything that requires concentration to get to the end result as he'll have to do that in school.

Water play with a water table and watering cans are good as they make a mess and a splash, but it dries, if you have a back garden or yard.

Avoid electronic games where possible. It sends excitable kids to the edge imo.

Plenty of fresh air and exercise!

Oh and if he wants to break something, I would give him a physical activity to do but I wouldn't encourage in words the "breaking" element iyswim. So dont encourage it by lots of overexcited "yeah let's smash this tower down, kick it to the floor!!" type language.

Sounds as though he needs to be outdoors more - enrol him in sports as many days per week as practical and spend more time at big playgrounds at quiet times of day such as early in the morning. He will be calmer at home if he's slept well and had several hours exercise outdoors first thing.

One of my kids used to need to run laps before going into Kindergarten, and it's one of the reasons teachers (here anyway) prefer children to walk to school rather than be driven with no outdoor exercise before hand.

Presumably he's getting the "let's break something up" from somewhere, even if it's just that you once had cardboard boxes to break up to fit into the bin and he enjoyed the "forbidden" wildness being sanctioned once.

I don't like the implication that there's something wrong with the OP's approach either. SerfTerf I think it's entirely normal for children to have destructive, rebellious impulses - the OP is asking how she can channel those, which is FAR better than simply repressing this and saying "no, you're wrong to have those feelings, you must sit quietly and behave yourself". Much better to let them find ways to express their wildness and explore feelings safely. This isn't "pandering to destructive impulses" for goodness sake! You've made me quite cross, in fact.

Anyway - if you are still reading redjumper I agree with the PP FixItup to get them building and making and outdoors. Some strategies (as well as physical exercise) to try might be making dens, sandpit/mud kitchen play, with plenty of time to take things apart and squash the sand/mud as well. Football, trampolining. Messy painting, duplo/lego, too. My boy is 4 and pretty wild too! My reasoning is that he is spending a lot of time working out how the world is put together, it's only natural he wants to take it apart as well. They'll be fine at school don't worry - the more so if they've worked out how to express themselves.

And tbh, x posts but modelling patience and respectful behaviour goes a long way. I know it's annoying when someone posts something unsympathetic but "get off my thread" etc sounds an overreaction. You could just say "thanks, but I don't find that helpful". State your feelings without the aggression.

Through life there's people who can annoy you but you don't need to bite back at everything. That's a useful lesson for your ds to see you model.

when he's shouting 'let's go and break something up'

That's your cue to say NO firmly, and suggest a better activity for his energies.

Be a thoughtful parent, help him to be sociable, not destructive.

when he's shouting 'let's go and break something up'

That's your cue to say NO firmly, and suggest a better activity for his energies.

Be a thoughtful parent, help him to be sociable, not destructive.

Thanks, but isn't that 'better activity for his energies' exactly what I'm asking for in my post?
I'm not asking for the blindingly obvious to be pointed out - that smashing things up is not a socially acceptable activity.

Sanding down wood is a good and cheap one!

Thank you, that is a good idea and something I wouldn't have thought of.
There are some great ideas here. Sleep is definitely an issue as a PP said. If we have a bad night for some reason he can be wired all day.

I'd probably go into divert mode. "Wow, you've got lots of energy, let's go and do something." And go out of the a house, preferably somewhere he can run and jump about or kick a ball about.

When mine were bouncing off the walls and we can't go out I make them do star jumps. Although he's four, maybe jumping on the spot 20 times.

I definitely remember a pre school child testosterone surge.

Set up an obstacle course outside? Skipping rope, forward rolls, star jumps, tin can stilts etc - lots of skills to master there that will burn off some energy

My 4yr old went through a phase of needing two good walks a day to keep him tame around age 2-3! He's calmer now.

A preschool surge? That's very reassuring. There's been a notable change in the last few weeks

Heroicallylost I love that suggestion of the obstacle course!

Two bits of polystyrene from the flat pack we were building and some spare screws from dhs stash kept our ds occupied for hours last year - he was 4 at the time. He used the plastic screws from his construction set too and the wee plastic saw. Spent hours screwing the polystyrene together and sawing it.

Our local Morrisons have railway sleeper type bits of wood in their gardening section. Have been tempted to get him one to play with with nails etc. He had something similar at nursery to play with.

goo.gl/images/huaNXN

No advice, but I was reminded of this calvin and hobbes strip