AIBU with this

[thiswillhavetodo]

Hi, will try to explain but will explain further if needed...
Am looking for advice/help on what to do about ExH taking My little one away. We currently have a fairly amicable arrangement on access, he sees DS 2-3 times a week for anything between 1-4 hours at a time (this is what we agreed he hasn't asked for more) and he pays CM regularly as we set it up between us, no issues there.
He has recently started asking if he can take DS out somewhere in the car, which probably doesn't sound like a problem as I am aware that when he is with him it's up to ExH what he does - but my issue is that ExH is a really reckless driver, with no consideration for road safety, passengers or the car that he is driving. There have been several occasions when we were together when he purposely caused accidents to try and write his car off so he could condone spending money on buying a new one and get sympathy/attention.

Not only has he got no equipment for travelling with a small child, he just expects to use mine and will break it due to his lack of consideration (he has done this countless times broken something cause it was mine and it 'wasn't his so doesn't matter' It has also entered my mind that it wouldn't really matter to him if my DS was in the back and he had an accident/crashed etc. In the past he has done anything to try and get attention/sympathy for himself and always had to somehow be a 'hero' so I'm concerned that he would be attracted to how much sympathy/attention he would get if he had a child with him??
If I ever spoke to him about it he just zones out/ignores me and goes 'I know' or 'yeah ok' etc etc brushing it off.
Guess I'm just asking for any advice on how to approach this I know I can't stop him taking him eventually I'm just so worried for DS

If he would consider doing it with your child in the car, I wouldn't be keen on letting him take him in it.

I would let him BUt he has to buy his own stuff and tell him at the first sign of reckless driving he won't be doing it again. He may well drive safer with your son in the car, my dad drives better when me and my DD are in his car !

Thank you both for your replies..... the only thing is surely I'll never know if he is driving recklessly cause I won't be there? Would only know when it was too late 🙁 I've only just let him use my buggy to take him out for walks to library etc (silver cross was very expensive and it was a present) as I was so reluctant! As I said I know I can't stop him but I have a responsibility to ensure my child is safe when he goes with him don't I? X

Hmm difficult decision. Could you ask him to get a black box for the car that is connected to his insurance? It could lower his insurance costs too if he sticks to the speed limits?
Also make him get his own car seat- you should check these have been fitted properly if you're worried.

Tell him own car with dash cam. .
Offer to help choose a seat for the car too.

@hungoverhippo thank you. Do you think this would encourage him to drive safer?? I don't think his speed was necessarily the issue, he just doesn't give a shit! Don't think that would change if DS was in the back.... also, he never listens to me, and claims to know everything there is about car seats and how to fit them. He has a company pool car so not sure if he would ever be insured to take a child passenger?

Black boxes monitor lots of things like if you brake too harshly or turn suddenly etc so I think it would encourage him to drive safer.
Get him to get his own equipment including a pram, you can get them cheaply second hand if he needs. Your pram and car seat are yours and you'll be screwed if they are broken, how long will it take you to replace them? I know I personally wouldn't be able to do anything without these things so I'd be careful op. He's the father, he can spend money to facilitate visits

Ah, didn't know they monitored so much!! Thank you! ATM I'm kind of just trying to avoid him taking ds in the car for as long as possible. I'm so glad people understand my fears - when I've told people in RL about this they just go 'no he's never do that he's not that bad your overreacting' but they have no idea what he was like! When it comes to him buying his own stuff and money etc, in my original post I said he pays CM which is fine - I am happy we agreed to do it between us, but every month he reminds me that him paying me is leaving him short every month - even tho he forgets I know his salary and is left with at least £500 pm!!! Him taking my equipment is not an option, as I've just gone back to work and have already bought a cheap second hand (checked and safe) car seat for my mum as she has him while I'm at work and she bought her own buggy for him. He never listens as I said but if I make it so that's the only way he can take DS in the car then he may do it

Also not sure if anyone saw the comment about having a company car? Not entirely sure if he pays insurance or they do or if he'd be able to put black box in or even have a child in the car?

Tell him that he needs to supply a new and properly fitted car seat. And a pushchair. And written evidence that he has insurance to have your dc in the car.

Put all of this in an email so that you have a written record (and evidence of the ensuing conversation).

Is ex's name on the birth certificate thus giving him PR?

Yes he is on birth certificate - everything was fairly amicable around the time of his birth so we went together and registered him. My main concern is the company car would he be able to get access to insurance details if he doesn't pay it and would they let him out black box in either way. I like the idea of producing documents tho 👍