Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Is almost constant 'losing your shit' level yelling at children considered abuse

7 replies

FusionChefGeoff · 21/07/2017 22:29

It's another neighbour one I'm afraid. She's not even close - her garden backs onto mine. And yet I hear her properly screaming at her kids at least 3/4 times an hour if they're home. And if her husband is home, they are both joining in - either at each other or the kids (6, 4 and 2).

It's proper 'I've lost my shit' screaming at the top of her voice level and it feels non stop to me so God knows how the poor kids feel. I've got to that level once in my life after a long and terrible day - but I immediately stopped and cried / apologised / felt terrible for the rest of the day. But she never stops, just keeps on shouting - it's not particularly shocking language 'DS I told you don't do that you are so naughty. I can't believe how bad you are being you have to stop right now. DS that's enough you naught boy. What are you doing this, what are you doing, why can't you just stop you are making me so angry' etc but screamed at the top of her voice.

And then I see her at school and we say hi, have been to toddler group together, talked about her career before kids, her relationship with her parents etc so not just nodding terms and yet she never acknowledges the elephant in the room as she must realise I can hear every word???!

It was seriously bad today as the youngest was being 2 so screaming and shouting back (what a surprise) and the 2 of them just kept yelling and yelling and escalating to the point where I felt very very worried for the kids.

So far they seem like happy little souls at the gates but I can't believe they won't be affected by that environment.

So I'm wondering what, if anything, I could / should do??

OP posts:
fleshmarketclose · 21/07/2017 22:47

Some years back now myself and the neighbours the other side reported the neighbour in the middle for near on constant abuse of her dc. It was awful, bedtime routines went something like this "get up those fucking stairs! I said get up those fucking stairs! Get in bed you little shit! I said fucking get in bed now! If I have to come upstairs I'm going to fucking batter you. Right that's fucking done it you little cunt" and then there would be screaming as she would go up and hit them. This treatment didn't happen only at bedtime though it was constantly throughout the day for whatever reason. Regardless of our reports there was no input as she didn't apparently cross the line Hmm
Not sure whether things are different now though.

StarUtopia · 21/07/2017 22:51

So far they seem like happy little souls at the gates

Some households are shouty households. Does not mean they are in any way being 'abused'

How many children have you got OP? This lady has multiple young children. Things can get pretty stressful.

She obviously doesn't realise you can hear, so I would just be blunt and ask her if everything is ok. You will be able to gauge a lot from her reaction.

(thinking of my 4 yr old this morning literally screaming the place down as if she was being murdered just because I was washing her hair with me screaming back at her out of frustration and wondering if my neighbours are thinking of reporting me sigh )

fleshmarketclose · 21/07/2017 23:00

Well I have five dc myself and have never got to the screaming stage so I'm not sure that multiple children is a valid reason for someone to lose their shit repeatedly tbh.

FusionChefGeoff · 21/07/2017 23:47

I've got 2 - 4 and 2 - and yes I've lost it before as I said in my OP. But this is all day, every day just ranting and screaming. She MUST know I can hear - we sometimes chat over the fence so she knows how close I am and if I'm in the garden - it just doesn't stop her.

I personally don't think it's anything that the massively overstretched SS would consider abuse / warrant investigation but I was just wondering what everyone else thought.

OP posts:
RickOShay · 21/07/2017 23:51

It doesn't sound good. I would be worried too, could you call nspcc for advice?

RockyBird · 21/07/2017 23:54

I was brought up by a shouty mother, though she didn't swear, she belittled us.

I see it as abuse and behave differently with my own kids.

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 22/07/2017 07:22

If your husband was shouting at you all day like that would you feel abused? Probably. So why should it be different for a child?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.