Was it self harm?

[dressinblack]

I can't believe I am writing this and apologies in advance for the length.

I have a beautiful, intelligent, funny 6 year old DS. Today was the last half day of school.
He came out telling me it was the worst day of his life because I didn't collect him early (the children with siblings in nursery were allowed to leave when nursery ended, he is an only child..)

As we were getting in the car another parent was ok as he had been crying at the awards assembly. I did not go as only parents whose DC had received awards were invited - DS was not one of those children. This triggered another list of all of the things I had apparently done wrong to make him even more unhappy.

When we got home I said that he needed to shower and get changed then he could do as he pleased as he is going on holiday very early tomorrow with my grandparents. I was pottering around and 5 minutes later went to check on him and found him with a toy scratching his leg all over until it bled and crying. I asked him what he was doing and he said he deserved it because he's naughty and not good enough. I hugged him and started crying reassuring him that neither of those comments are true and told him how fantastic he is and how much I love him and explained that he can talk to me and not hurt himself.
He had a shower and now is watching YouTube.

I have had battles with his self esteem for a year or two and have sought various professionals advice but this is a step further than I imagined at 6.

I am recovering from BPD (I am 99% better) and myself have attempted suicide in the past so this is literally my worst nightmare. I've always been petrified he would 'turn out like me'.

I know he is 6 but did he understand what he was doing? What the fuck do I do now?

I'm not in the slightest but qualified to answer this but I couldn't read it and not respond - hopefully this will bump it for someone more useful.

Perhaps you could book a GP appointment for after the holiday to see if a CAMHS referral is a good idea?

Oh OP that must be so hard for youI'm in no way qualified about that but I'm guessing he was finding it hard to express his feelings/frustration in other ways I think, unfortunately, that children can develop coping mechanisms like that. I definitely would take him to the GP and push for a CAMHS referral. You could probably go to the GP while he's on holiday (if you aren't going) and explain which might be better without him there, initially at least. Hopefully his holiday will take his mind off things speaking to school might be an idea too.
Hope you're okay

Thank you both for replying. I have put serious thought into calling the GP on Monday so now I'm certain I will so thank you for that also.

He has done some work with the dedicated teacher previously to speak about why his behaviour can be some times challenging - I should add this is only ever with myself, he is golden with family, friends and school. We worked out that he is terrified I will one day leave him and not come back. Thinking about it I guess leaving his teacher today may be related to those abandonment fears.

Oh I really don't know. I just want him to feel safe and loved and the more I try the more I fail him. He really is such a beautiful and confident child it breaks me when he's hurting

Oh the poor thing he will learn that you won't leave him, it must be scary being a child and worrying about that sort of stuff bless him. I think that's definitely something for GP or CAMHS to try and help with, I don't know if there's any books or something similar about how to help reassure children with a fear of abandonment but it might be something to look into in the mean time. Are you going on holiday with him? If not is there any way of speaking to him every day?

Hi @dressinblack I am qualified to give you some advice. Thankfully I seen this query! I of course cannot make a full diagnosis because I'm not your GP but, I can give you somewhere in a rough ball park to start. Please please please get further medical advice and go to your own GP as an emergency appointment.

This sounds like attention deficit disorder in one of it's many forms and a misinterpretation of his own worth.

What I would do tonight before the appointment is make a 'good behaviour chart'. Get him involved. You can find many examples of this on google. Focus solely on positive behaviours. It could be from putting away toys from saying a nice thing about himself. Also, at the end of the day I would start a 'What did I do today that made me happy/proud of myself?' Chat among yourselves about goals achieved or something he did that he was proud off.

I hope these help.

Thank you funky and the other posters.

I'm not going on holiday but I have downloaded whatsapp to my grandparents phone so I can video chat every day.

Will it be best to speak to GP whilst he is away?

My poor baby I feel awful he is suffering!

Funky-I would like to show this thread to the GP so for the sake of that what qualifications do you have? Thank you all again!!!