DS keeps stealing

[rebus1]

My 9 year old DS has got into a bit of a stealing habit and I don't know how to stop it.

It started around Christmas with him taking sweets and chocolates without asking, I found loads of wrappers hidden in his room. I didn't make a big deal of it, we talked about it and I said he just had to ask if he wanted stuff but I didn't want him eating in his room. He had also eaten his siblings share of some stuff so I made him apologise to them and give a few of his own sweets to replace what he'd taken.

Then a while later I found more wrappers, I still didn't make a huge deal but said the same sort of stuff again. I also began to wonder if it was maybe attention seeking so have tried to give him lots of positive attention.

Today his older sister finds some money missing from her room. After twice saying 'If you have it go and get it otherwise there will be very serious consequences.' He went and got most of the money (a small amount is still missing but he's adamant he doesn't have that.) He couldn't really explain why he took the money apart from he wanted it for his savings.

What can I do to stop him stealing? The food I couldn't care less about except I don't understand why he didn't just ask but I really don't want him to steal money again or to feel that we can't trust him.

Speak to your local community police team. They will send a pcso round to speak to him which will hopefully hit home with him that is not acceptable.
May seem heavy handed but we've just done this with DS (8yrs) and touch wood is dove the job when we were unable to get through.

Good grief. Please don't bother the police, pcso or not

Is he happy at school? Comfort eating? Might be worth trying to find a possible underlying cause to the lies/theft?

The pcso team have an educational role too and are absolutely happy to do this if it prevents kids' bad behaviour escalating.

Actually I agree with ImsorryIasked, a local PCO is not a bad idea.

My mum got one over after my brother was caught doing graffiti in the neighborhood. They scared the absolute shit out of him at 13 yrs old and he never did it again.

I think unhappiness may be an underlying cause but it's really hard to get him to open up. He's quite a half empty type person anyway and has a tendency to not accept responsibility for mistakes/ bad choices but try to blame others ( usually me or his younger sister.)

This last year he has been unhappy on and off at school, I've put it down to a very strict and quite shouty teacher but he has also done very well academically and has liked some aspects of the teacher. He's well liked and respected apparently but still doesn't have a best friend. He seems to get on with others but hasn't found a friend at school that he really clicks with. He had a friend like that at pre school and a couple of others since outside school but he doesn't see them more than once a week. He has a more fun teacher next year so that may make him happier.

Or of course he could be pushing boundaries.

If he's miserable at school could he be being bullied? Sometimes victims then act out on ways because they feel some control and sense of being the one on top?

He definitely wants to be in control all the time but I don't think he's being bullied. I've questioned him about it but he says no one is mean or unkind to him. I also mentioned it to his class TA and she said he seemed happy and told me the stuff about being liked and respected.

He does say stuff sometimes that seem to show he's a bit unhappy but it is all quite minor: everyone else has an iPhone 7, goes to bed at 9 has £5 a week pocket money etc. At times he seems like he wants to be hard done by if you know what I mean.

He got quite seriously upset a few months back saying he had no friends and hadn't done for 2 years and wanted to moved school. When I dug deeper it seemed to be about the boy who he normally hangs out with being a bit mean and when I suggested other boys to play with he wrote them off because they play stupid games. My elder DD confirmed that he did have lots of friends in Year 3 so I'm not sure if his difficulties are in his own perception of things.