Nursery - starting to feel sick at the thought of it

[howthelightgetsin]

It's almost time for DS(1) to start nursery and I am not sure what I'm going to do. I know people tell me they all settle eventually but the first few weeks will be awful, I know that.
Maybe (I hope?) I'm making it into a bigger thing in my head but the idea of him not knowing why I'd left and if I'm ever coming back and just crying and crying all day is just playing in my head round and round.
When you go in maternity leave the end of the year just seems such a long way off.
Please tell me some success stories!

My DS started nursery at 14 months, and was quite clingy to me. No family around and DH works away a lot so he didn't really get left with anyone else very much. I was dreading it... but it was actually not so bad. He was sad as I left him but the staff were so helpful, happy for me to call and check after a bit. The first afternoon they sent photos of him playing happily and smiling in the garden which reassured me a lot! The first couple of weeks he didn't eat much but they were happy for me to take in biscuits he likes and gave him milk so I knew he wasn't going hungry, and by the end of the second week he started eating and napping. It helped to know how long he'd cried, so at least I felt like I know they were being honest rather than just saying he was fine, and seeing that time drop each day, until i knew he was fine 2 mins after I'd gone! They were good at having the same person greeting him each morning and within a few days he's reach for them and cuddle into them even if crying so at least I felt like he was comforted by them which also helped. He was always a lot better with a very quick drop off. He's now 3.5 and still in the same nursery and enjoys it. Even now if I spend ages at drop off (explaining something) that unsettles him. It if I drop and run he's fine. It wasn't long, few weeks, before I could totally switch off from him whilst he was there and not worry about him. Strangely, because I knew he was ok I felt happier leaving him there than I did with family who rarely looked after him, or babysitters, as I'd be more worried about him then, whereas I knew nursery staff could comfort him. Sorry that was long, I just so remember being where you are, and it really wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Hope it goes well for you. x

When my DS started pre-school nursery having just turned 3 I felt exactly like this as i'd never left him with anyone except my parents / in-laws before!

I was the only sad sap mum that stayed on the first day, and after about an hour I could see that he was going to be fine! fast forward a school year and he finishes nursery tomorrow, and he happily skips in and out of there every day!

Your little one will be fine :-)

Thank you both for your stories.

Families live far away so he's never been left either. When they come down they always suggest it it's not fair as he doesn't know them and anyway, the fact that he BF frequently was always a good excuse for the fact that I didn't want anyone taking him.

I am worried about him getting hysterical and not eating or drinking.. I know eventually he will and eventually he'll learn to sleep there too. I just can't help thinking that it'll just break something between us when I first leave him for a whole day when he doesn't understand and if he'll ever forgive me. Ridiculous as I'm sure most of us were in childcare as children and use it for our children.

I was absolutely the same leaving DD for the first time at nursery at a similar age. Also no nearby family and breastfed so she hadn't been left more than two hours with anyone else. Settling in sessions helped as it wasn't a full day from the start but the nursery reassured me by reminding me that they are so used to this and that babies are extremely easy to distract. You might find that sleep and eating are very limited, at least to start, but they still do enough of both to survive and will be fine. My DD is now three and just adores her nursery.

Both of mine have been fine and dd was still bf when I went back, she used to take the minimum and go crazy as soon as she saw me. Are you going back ft? I don't say it's an easy transition, the guilt is always there but it is necessary to carry on a career.

I have a similar situation. DD had only been left with DH and that was a rare occasion. I went back to work 3 days a week when she was 11 months. Settling in was difficult for her. Her nursery is very homely and she had 19 settling in sessions. Each session was 30 mins longer than the previous one but it was only increased in length when she was comfortable with the previous length of time. She had only stayed for lunch once by the time I went back to work.

After I collected her from her first settling in session I cried and lots and told DH I was not going back to work. Now at 14 months she loves it.