Struggling with the terrible twos

[MissTify]

Hi, I have a DD who has just turned two. I'm a single mum and my daughter stays with her Dad every other weekend, so she is with me most of the time. I am really struggling with her behaviour. Getting her to do things is so difficult. I can't change her nappy without her refusing and having a tantrum; putting on her shoes is a nightmare; she has tantrums in supermarkets, she even has tantrums with playdo as she gets frustrated when she can't do certain things and won't let me help. My daughter is a big girl, at the top of the growth chart and I really struggle to pick her up. At the moment the only strategy that seems to work is bribes. For example I will say, 'do you want to go to the park'? She says 'yes', I say, 'well if you want to go to the park you'll let me put your nappy on'. I just feel this isn't the best approach. I have tried to be strict and say, for example,'Come here and I will change your nappy now'! but that doesn't work at all. What I would like to know is, is this normal behaviour for a two year old and also, does anyone have any tips for getting a two year old to do what you ask them to? Thank you.

Yes this is totally normal, and I think your bribe is perfect. Try framing it as natural consequences rather than a bribe, so rather than "if you dont come here this minute we wont go to the park!" You can say "when you are dressed we can go to the park!" Or "oh no, there wont be time for the park if you dont get dressed quickly!"

Nappy changes are just dire with a 2 yr old I think, but you can try distraction eg give her an interesting object to hold as you put her on the mat. Change her standing up if you can.

Other hints are trying to avoid confrontation where you can, and making teddy/dolly do whatever it is first, perhaps with her help. So teddy will have his teeth cleaned and you both say well done, then its her turn. Or let her choose who gets their teeth cleaned first. Point out what big boys and girls are doing eg "look at that big girl she has her shoes on, let's put your shoes on too shall we?"

Thank you Livinia, I feel so much better knowing this is normal behaviour and that I'm not doing too badly with my bribes! I really like you suggestion about making the bribes more natural. They sound a lot more positive too. I really like the idea of making teddy or dolly do it first. I will definitely try this out and hopefully things will get a bit easier. Thank you so much.

We have this with DS who is nearly 30 months. I have introduced the naughty step. He's starting to know that mummy means it and usually does what is asked rather than sitting on the naughty step. It's hard though and wearing!!