So just need some advice and potential hand holding about my kids, two boys aged 8 and 6.
Me and STBXH going through lengthy divorce as he not willing to submit his financial paperwork (self employed director of 13 companies and I'm on tax credits, work part time at doctors surgery and main carer for kids). STBXH claims to be living in his office (left June 2016) and can't have them overnight but sees them Monday and Tuesday after school til bedtime, Tues and Weds mornings for an hour and takes them to school and all day Sunday 8am to 7pm. He sees them at their home (where they live with me) and I go out or he takes them to his office. He has a new gf who he works with (one of several gfs he's had from work) and recently took the eldest to see his parents in Bristol with new gf. Gf is a lot younger (26 he is 40) and doesn't have any kids of her own (yet)
I am in a new relationship with lovely man who also divorced and also has two boys aged 8 and 6. The kids have met and do get on but don't spend lots of time together as don't want to force anything.
We are getting towards the end of the divorce process (he has basically been threatened with prison now if he doesn't submit his information) but I am not able to go no contact due to the kids so he is still in my face half the week. He is civil in front of the kids despite being a raging control freak, narcissist and all round angry man away from them. He stays overnight at my house once a week (usually a Monday or Tuesday) so I can stay with my bf (while his kids aren't there).
I have recently started making changes to the house, getting rid of his stuff/ furniture he bought (most of it was bought by him as I didn't have a lot of say in that) and it is making me feel much better but I think the kids are unsettled.
This weekend they have spent one full day with me, my bf and his kids and one whole day with their dad and his gf and they seem so unsettled. Eldest woke up crying this morning and couldn't tell me why he was upset. Littlest not communicating properly and being deliberately babylike. When eldest went to see his grandparents with dad and new gf he came back early absolutely sobbing. Littlest idolises his dad. I try to talk to them about how they are feeling but obvs I am also emotionally a bit of a wreck and I feel like I don't know what to do for the best for them.
I thought them seeing their dad at home was the best solution in the circumstances but now I'm not so sure. I'm so anxious half the time about money and how to make ends meet, how to make sure they are ok that I am hardly ever relaxed enough to have fun with them
Any advice or thoughts would be gratefully appreciated. Feel like I'm crippled with guilt and failing them....