In law arguments and affect on DD

[Meme1990]

Well me and OH have fallen out with his parents AGAIN. My DD is 3. When things are ok with them I normally take her to theirs twice a week has we have no other family so its nice for DD. But they never come to ours. Now weve fallen out. Over them playing games but it is silly really just fed up of the game playing. This time we havent spoken since the end of april this year.
Dd keeps asking if we can go to grandads which really upsets me because I know she misses them I just cant keep going around in circles with them . They dont come hear to see her. But how do I explain to a 3 year old that weve fallen out. My OH is adamant he doesn't want anything to do with them as if they were bothered they would come and see he. I just dont know what to say to my DD

You make a choice. You're non-contact for the rest of her life and she never sees them again or you take her around. Otherwise you're both playing games.

Unless there's real issues with how they look after dd or something, should their arguments with you affect dds relationship with them

It must be very confusing for a 3 year old who is used to seeing her grandparents twice and week to suddenly not seeing them at all. I honestly think you should just bury the hatchet with them if they are otherwise good grandparents. Just have it out with them once and for all and then move on. Explain to them that your dd misses them when you have a fall out and it upsets her. If you really dont think things will change with them then decide if nc is the way forward. Coming in and out of dds life like that is just confusing and upsetting for her. Do you fall out with them quite often?

I totally agree its not fair on her at all it breaks my heart knowing shes missing them. Theres been 3 fallings out since dd was born thats lasted a while. I know I'm biased but it really is their fault they get sulk on for the silliest things. But like you say its not fair on DD. I could try and reach out. I know they will turn it into an argument but i want DD to make her own mind up.

You don't need to "reach out" or get on with them. It's dd who wants to see them, not you. You can carry on not seeing them.

My parents are like this and in the end I took the executive decision to cut off contact completely and I took it on behalf of my children as well. They were essentially doing it to them too, starting when my first child was six weeks of age, making them pay because I had "stepped out of line". The relationship with their grandchildren didn't matter enough to them to try to ignore petty imaginary slights. Why do you need to encourage a relationship with people like that? Does your three year old really need to see that kind of dynamic being modelled from such a young age? Far better to distance yourselves from that behaviour now before she's old enough for it to really start hurting.