How can I motivate my ds?

[froot]

message withdrawn

Hmmm. Hard one, froot. I'm a bit like this too- I definitely prefer effortless instant gratification to hard slow slog! As I've got older I'm slightly more open to seeing that I do need to work at some things I find difficult/boring in order to gain necessary skills but I can't say I really enjoy the effort involved particularly. Does your boy try hard at things he likes/is good at? And are there things you would particularly like him to try a bit harder to master? I think finding stuff that is intrinsically motivating for him to do is most important. But it may also be good to encourage him to stick at something he doesn't like so much, if only for a few minutes each day, so that he eventually gets the experience of becoming competent at something despite himself!
I don't think you need be too worried though, froot, because at 10 happy and bright has got to be more important than motivated, I reckon.

I'm new to MN, and only logged on last week in desperation about my 9 yr old dd. Felt hugely better after reading what other mums had posted about children of the same age - seems that it could be just another 'phase'. In our case lack of motivation comes as part of a package that also includes at times - anger, jealousy, extreme unwillingness to put herself out to help at home, insolence and the kind of tantrums we last encountered when she was 2... However, felt more able to deal with it all once I was able to put it into perspective - and am quite simply trying not to over respond to all the bad stuff.

It's a funny old time for them. High school looms and the pressure seems to get just that little bit more intense. Maybe he's feeling it and doesn't know how to cope?

Sorry, haven't come up with any ideas, just the old ignore-and-hope-it-improves chestnut!

do you know I used to be like this and still am. Some people are just like this I'm afraid, sorry no help

ages ago I started a thread on something similar called 'firing on one cylinder - does it really matter' (sorry can't do links). I got some helpful and interesting replies. My oldest ds is definitely relaxed in his attitude to trying. I think this is ingrained in his personality so I can't change him totally.

So far my best way of coping with this trait is to give him the chance to try out lots of different activities, but also accept that some things are not 'him' and never will be - he has stared and left a few out of school clubs for instance. Much relief all round.

Also, some things, put down once, like a book, he will go back to months later. He's just reading 'Artemis Fowl' eagerly - a book he was give two years ago and gave up on. So I leave things lying about, saying under my breath 'never say never'

Regarding homework, as long as dh or I look over his work, and take lots of interest in it, he is usually motivated to do better. If we cease giving him that attention, he tends to do less. Hard work being a parent!

ages ago I started a thread on something similar called 'firing on one cylinder - does it really matter' (sorry can't do links). I got some helpful and interesting replies. My oldest ds is definitely relaxed in his attitude to trying. I think this is ingrained in his personality so I can't change him totally.

So far my best way of coping with this trait is to give him the chance to try out lots of different activities, but also accept that some things are not 'him' and never will be - he has stared and left a few out of school clubs for instance. Much relief all round.

Also, some things, put down once, like a book, he will go back to months later. He's just reading 'Artemis Fowl' eagerly - a book he was give two years ago and gave up on. So I leave things lying about, saying under my breath 'never say never'

Regarding homework, as long as dh or I look over his work, and take lots of interest in it, he is usually motivated to do better. If we cease giving him that attention, he tends to do less. Hard work being a parent!