So who watched Supernanny last night?

[MrsDoolittle]

Seemed a bit obvious to me..

I watched it.

Seemed like common sense stuff to me. I didn't think she did anything particularly 'super'

It made me feel a whole lot better about my tantrumming toddler and the way I handle her! I couldn't believe that they gave the boy a tube of Smarties instead of his dinner, and made the older boy late for school because the toddler wouldn't get dressed! I would have just bundled the toddler into the car/ pushchair in his pyjamas!

I too think it was sad what was happening to the older children, I am surprised this needed to be pointed out to them.

I learned a few things, eg the "counting down" principle. I also think I give MY ds a bit too much choice. Don't know if anyone remembers, but I started a thread on "choice" a while back and most mumsnetters encouraged me that it was OK to give lots of choice as long as the important things were held to. . .but I've started to see his confusion and manipulation tactics grow as a result of exaggerated (I think) freedom I've given him over the so-called little things. I like the idea of the "naughty step" too--hadn't thought of that. Telling off my 22 month old is usually sufficient, but soon it won't be. . .I also learned from the business of telling your child WHY they're naughty or WHY they're good. I thought it'd be obvious to them, but I suppose it isn't necessarily. God did I have a lot of respect for those parents though. And the older children. What a hard life. None of us mums have it easy, but their work situation sounds particularly difficult.

I think maybe it has something to do with the way you talk. I found that I did most of the things the nanny suggested but not by any means consciously, it's just the way I am I tend to always speak in a way that explains to dd what she has done well or what she has done naughty and find that for the most part I always bend down to talk to her but especially she has to look me in the eye whilst I'm explaining what she's done that was naughty.

Everyone always tells me what a good kid I have - I just thought I was lucky. Didn't realise I could've made a small fortune as a 'super nanny'

I have to admit that I haven't needed anything such a as a naughty step - YET! but hadn't even thought that far ahead.

It was a shame about the older children, the boy seemed to accept it better than the girl but I think the girl was at 'that' age anyway.

I didn't understand why there working situation was so difficult - can someone explain, I must have missed that bit.

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I missed the first 20 mins cos we had a powercut (and I sort of forgot it was on aswell ) so can anyone fill me in?

BR

I didn't see the work situation as a problem in particular either - just an excuse. Being a health worker I know loads of people that do shift work but still have great, respectful kids.
Bunnyrabbit - Mum worked nights (in a college,I think?)and Dad was a fireman.

My DH always does lots of tutting when this kind of programme's on but TBH I see it as a bit of a "job review". We always tend to focus on what's wrong with our kids or the way we parent them but watching last night, there's an awful lot that I do right !

Unbelievable - to all sit there in the dark, with no TV on because a two year old wanted them off! And they waited until he was ready to put it all on again! He really was the boss wasn't he!
Felt very sorry for the older two kids.

I must be v. hard-hearted because I had no sympathy for the parents at all. I thought the way they let the older children's lives be ruled by the toddler was appalling- making the 10 year old late for school like that was just unforgiveable. I felt really sorry for the daughter too, and the wee boy was obviously completely confused and panicky about being in control like that. I agree, there were lots of issues there to do with the dynamic in the family that weren't helping, but I can't say I was surprised that the husband didn't want another child at the beginning! It was nice to see him bonding so much better with the little boy at the end.

My heart went out to the 2 year old to be honest with you - the parents needed to be given a shake.. no child should be behaving like that and getting away with it, imo it was all down to the parents, how on earth did they end up with two 'normal' teenagers and a child like that?, it was like watching 'Damien', that child was so confused he sat himself on the 'naughty step'. I wanted to hug him, bring him to my house, and then see how long he kept up the demanding..

I really thought that the parents were just incredibly lazy to let him get like that in the first place and then as soon as they were left with him again to let things slip - surely any normal person could have seen that they needed to carry on the routine and I am sure the routine was far less tiring than that little brats behaviour - he also looked far happier having a routine and time spent on him rather then them just constantly getting exasperated with him.

And sorry but to me the work thing is a complete cop out - maybe they should take on Spooks life or some other mum left to cope with children and a job and the general household things to do without a partner!!

Mind you I have to say both myself and DP said on more than one occasion ooohhh little plump thigh just in the right place for a good slap!! (we have never hit DD byt the way but DD would never dream of behaving like that!!)

The only reason i felt sorry for the parents was because they both did shift work and i imagine it must be very hard to establish routines when you're that tired!

HOWEVER, i did feel for the older children but most of all for Charlie. It must be so scary for a two year old to have complete control. Ridiculous to let it get to that stage where he ruled the roost and they weren't doing anybody any favours!

I wonder how they are in the future!

As for the nanny, i think it's just comon sense, but a good thing i read on mumsnet was, "common sense is not all that common"

Who said that??

I know what you mean Twinkie- I have never agreed with the idea of locking children in their rooms, but seeing their bedtime "routine" last night the thought did cross my mind a few times....

Yes, i think it's laziness too!

I felt sorry for the little boy too - he seemed such an unhappy child. Children (especially toddlers) NEED to know where they stand and what the boundaries are. I actually thought the week on, week off, week on approach was a good one - the parents after week 1 were like "oh he's better, oh we've cracked it" - they needed to see that just a few slip-ups in consistency were going to lead to chaos again.

It also made me feel a bit smug I think of ds2 as a handful, far more challenging than ds1 ever was but he is not 1% of the "handful" that Charlie was (is?!) But he could have been - he has the potential to be an arch-tantrummer, aggressive little so n'so - we've just never let him! I may do the naughty stair though - at the moment I put him in his room (stair gated in) but naughty stair would be less stair climbing for me!!!

I thought a key to the child's behaviour was when the mum said that Charlie would probably be her last child, and that she had a tendency to 'baby' him.

This would mean she would be hesitant to introduce boundaries, routines, etc, which in turn led to the whole family being held to ransom by a confused two-year-old!

It's very easy for us to criticise the parents as lazy and making excuses etc but they obviously recognised they had a serious issue or they wouldn't have put themselves on national television for all of us to look at. I feel the parents were exhausted by his behaviour and just didn't know what to try next. The other two children seemed perfectly nice and well adjusted (despite the lack of attention they were getting) so they can't have been that lazy in the past. Good luck to the whole family I say.

Definitely think there was an element of babying the youngest, being the last child, and as the elder two were step children also wondered how indulged Charlie had been in comparison to the way they had been raised at that age. I think we all have times when it is easier to give in to our darlings but they had just let it slide to the extent that the poor boy didn't know what was acceptable or not, and the whole situation was out of control.

Sometimes it does take an objective 3rd party, Supernanny or whatever, just to state the obvious and diffuse the haze of the situation with a new approach. I wasn't sure the structure of her prohgramme, being there 100% for one week, then not at all, then back again, really proved that productive though. Nor was I satisfied that the elder children really got an oppportunity to sound off their grievances in a constructive fashion.

I found very inteesting those comments about parents being lazy to correct the child. It seems that in the mother nature environment where I live what is correct is to let them express themselves to avoid traumas due to educating. Not that I share the view, sometimes I think other people thin I'm an ogre just because I insist that it takes the same time to teach a child to draw in a piece of paper than tell him that he can only draw in THAT wall. Forget about folowing GF sleeping methods... I'm so glad they are doing these programs now

I join with most of you in saying I couldn't believe what they let Charlie get away with. My jaw dropped open when I saw they had two older children. You would think experienced parents (especially as their older children seemed incredibly well behaved considering)would have more idea of how to raise children. I think most of us would own up to making a few mistakes with our first child, I know ours was over-indulged a bit, but most people work out a better regime by number two. It is unthinkable that I would allow my youngest to make my older children late for school. I do understand how the mother felt about wanting to keep her youngest child a baby for a bit longer as she wasn't going to have any more. My fourth child is definitely going to be our last and, although I don't let him get away with bad behaviour (he is only 16 months!), I certainly have a, shall we say, less hurried approach to his development.
Just as a final thought: what happens when a child refuses to sit on the naughty step? Not just once, like in the programme last night, but at all?

Chandra, not sure what Gina Ford's sleeping methods has to do with Super nanny dealing with toddler tantrums. If what the papers say is true Super Nanny also believes in routines, strict bedtimes, consistant meal times and controlled crying.It will be interesting to see how Super nanny deals with the sleepless nights of younger babies.

What I felt was missing was a bit of history as to how and when Charlie's behaviour had become so dominating. Wonder if he was a difficult baby (daughter seemed to hint at this)or if he just became a demanding toddler. Also had he ever really slept through the night or had they created the habit of him waking.

I think a lot of you are being awfully hard on the parents. Sometimes I'm convinced that kids just come out of the womb one way or another way, and that parents give themselves too much credit for a "good" child and too much self-flagellation for a "naughty" one. My little boy is extremely well-mannered. I've been a moderately firm parent, but permissive in some ways that Super Nanny would surely disapprove of. (And I myself would admit I've made mistakes in that department.) But every year ds's teachers tell me he's the politest child in the classvery gentle and sharing and considerate. I'm convinced he just IS that way. . .he's just not one of these tear-up-the-house testosterone fueled boys. He has his momentsbelieve me--but often I think I'm awfully lucky to have a boy who's relatively on the easy side. Charlie, on the other hand, is NOT an easy boy. And I suspect it's not all down to bad parenting. The older children seemed rather lovely (who knows if they'll stay that way given the lack of attention, of course!) which suggests the mother knows how to do some things right.

Same goes for ADHD kids. . .it's often blamed on the parents but I'm sure has little or nothing to do with that. I agree that these parents could have done better, but I think they had a particularly difficult child to work with. IMO.