Coping with newborn and toddler

[MummyFoxy]

Had my second child 3 weeks ago. Have been very lucky so far with lots of family help, but DH is back at work now and DM has gone home, so today is my first full day with baby and toddler on my own, and I already feel at my wits end!!
Baby DD didn't have a great night anyway so is very tired. But every time I try to put her down, she wakes after a couple of minutes - probably because I'm putting her down when she's still in light sleep (but holding/rocking her till she's in deep sleep isn't really possible with a 2.5 year old around too!). Toddler DS is quite noisy too which doesn't help. Lots of stuff online is saying the best way to go is to use a sling for newborn so she can nap as and when, and I have my hands free for toddler. Is this something people would recommend? If so, what type? At the moment all we have is a baby bjorn carrier, the sort with lots of straps etc, which is good for dog walking etc, but not very comfy for pottering round the house. Any advice gratefully received!

I bought an ama wrap for my first and plan to use it extensively with my second

Cabo close. DS spent most of his early weeks in it whilst I was also with 21mo DD.

Sorry Caboo close!

Thank you both, I will look them up. Meanwhile I appear to have achieved the holy grail - both children napping at the same time

Well done you, sit down with a cup of tea and biscuit! Mine had the same age gap. Definitely get a wrap-type sling. And get out. A lot. I used to time park trips to fit around the baby's naps; rocking a buggy while pushing the swing is a doddle, plus you tire the toddler out and the fresh air keeps you going!

Also, take all the help offered. It's tough in those early days. Is DS in nursery? We kept DD1 in a couple if days a week and that kept me sane!

Thank you, eating a biscuit right now! And yes, we've kept DS in nursery for 3 days as normal. Will be a bit tight financially, but well worth it for my sanity

Close caboo is great for a little baby and around the house as it's comfy to sit in as well. I only have a baby and found it a lifesaver when she doesn't want to be put down

I had a similar age gap but the baby is now 5 months old and I had no nursery/childcare (but parents were nearby for emergencies). I cried when DH went back to work (he works away) and couldn't see how it was physically possible to look after both! I had a stretchy wrap for the first few weeks which was brill. I had it tight so baby felt very secure and there was no slack/straps when I bent down etc to deal with toddler. As baby has got bigger I have an ergo baby and a beko - both are brill (and the beko is good because the baby wants to face outwards now, but I think some ergos can do that too, mine can't). Really good for "nipping" into places (if that's possible) and you don't want the pram but have your hands totally free to reign in toddler (and mine needs a lot of that!). I've also found that the baby is far more relaxed and will easily sleep in noise - in a bouncer or Moses basket in the kitchen. He has to get on with on his "own" a little bit more! The baby never wakes the toddler it's usually the other way around and it's usually when she shakes the Moses basket or shouts "wake up!!" in his face Someone told me to let the baby cry outside the toddler's bedroom so toddler gets used to the crying? Not got round to doing that...
Pleased to report that 5 months in, I can cope with two, the sobbing (by me) has stopped (even though it takes me ages to get anywhere and I'm usually in a sweaty mess when I do get there!).
Good luck

Forgot to say - look up your local sling library so you can try some carriers to see what suits you best

I second the close caboo. It was a lifesaver when I had a newborn ds who wanted to be held, constantly, and a toddler.

Are you breastfeeding? Once the baby is a bit bigger, you can learn to breastfeed her in the sling, which makes life so much easier.

I also went to a lot of toddler groups, which kept dd occupied and there were always other mums who were happy to help me out.

My only advice is to get out as much as possible. Leaving the house can be a struggle, but it's always a relief to be out. The baby drops of more easily in the pushchair, the toddler is more easily occupied at the park, a picnic lunch is more easy and less messy than lunch at home and time passes much quicker. And after 4 hours at the park I don't feel guilty coming home to a bit of paw patrol!

Thank you so much for all the advice - it's good to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel

Yes, I am breastfeeding- I've heard you can feed while baby is in sling so that is something I will definitely try.

7 weeks in with a similar gap here. My tips so far are to have as many places to put the baby down safely around the house as possible, go to enclosed play grounds and playgroups with only one exit so if the toddler bolts while you are feeling there is only limited places he can run to, and stock up on cheap sticker books etc so you have something easy and exciting he can play with while you are feeding the baby.

It's not as bad as I expected it would be. The main issues are leaving the house and toddler bedtime, but both are manageable.

I wasn't a sling person, but learned to do a lot of stuff one handed when DD2 arrived (17mths between them).

My one piece of advice though...embrace the noise! We tiptoed around DD1 when she slept but DD2 just had to suck up it up. Consequently she can sleep through anything - result!

I remember this well. Not good memories!

Buy a wrap right now. Next day delivery. I got a Boba one. 2nd DC (23 month gap) pretty much lived in his wrap for the first 6 months. Bouncing is a great way to settle baby in wrap.

1st three months were awful. Next three were bad. The next three seemed a little better and once he was a year old it all got much better. Now they're approaching 2 and 4 it's great.

I'm now pregnant with #3, another 2 year gap. I really don't think it can be as bad as last time.

I also have a 3 week old and DS1 is 2 years old. I have a close caboo that I found a massive faff with DS1 but love now. It's really useful while making meals for my toddler etc. I also have a lightweight bouncy chair I can take round the house, baby isn't always that into it but is somewhere to put him when I need to have my hands for a sec. I don't like to leave him on the floor as DS1 sprints around haha. I think getting out even just to a park or even the bloody supermarket helps. And when they're both strapped down in the car you get some form of respite! I also have a buggy board which DS1 loves and that makes it a bit easier when we're out too

Yep. Caboo carrier. 17 month gap, ds2 lived in it for the first 6 months. I went to toddler groups with him in it and he just slept.

Also nursery a few days a week for the toddler- kept me sane. I also used the opportunity to go to things like baby cinema when he was there- and other stuff it would be impossible to do with both of them!

The first 6 months are incredibly tough, especially if you're getting sod all sleep too. It gets better.