Looking young for my age, feeling very self conscious

[Lillygreen]

I am a 26 year old mum to 6 month old baby. I am married and he was a very much planned for and wanted baby. I am aware that these days, being 26 this does make me one of the younger mums around (women tend to be having babies older now).

However, I think I do look about 10 years younger. I am often asked for ID when buying alcohol e.t.c. I feel that I am treated young and people are often surprised when they find out I am married and have a baby (in my line of work, I move around a lot and work with new people every day).

While on a flight with my mum, and ordering a white wine, the flight attendant asked my mum if I was old enough!... asked if "I am going back to school soon" (near end of summer holidays) asked if I am at university all the time e.t.c

Most recently, with my baby I was asked for ID in the supermarket. When I showed her my driving license the lady said "I would never have guessed" (So basically she must have assumed I was a teenage mum...)

The other week I walked over with my baby to enter a competition to win £10,000. (One of those on stands at malls) The lady told me I needed to be over 18 to enter . I was with my MIL and we both had a giggle as the lady on the stand thought MIL was the mother of my baby and I was her daughter. (But inside I was a little embarrassed/ sad that I don't look like a mum)

I feel like people look at me like a girl/child that has had a baby too young. I think I might just be being super sensitive and overthinking it. But I feel the eyes of people looking and judging me

I try to look like a mum by dressing older and not wearing the fashionable clothes that I love as I know the shorts and skirts definitely look much younger.

I feel more confident when I am with my DH as he looks much older- in his 30s.

Gosh this post sounds so silly doesn't it. Could I ask you all- do you ever secretly judge mums that look too young? (Or do you not care whatsoever!)

No i don't judge.

Wear what you like. Try not to give a rat's hairy ass what other people think/how they look at you.

Fwiw isn't everyone ID'd in supermarkets these days?

If anyone is shocked or disbelieving in your age, just shrug and day "lucky me, i still look 16".

They are the ones with a problem, not you

But i don't understand what you mean about 'dressing older', do you mean like not wearing booty shorts? Do you now wear Boden?

Most of my stuff is H&M or Zara. I'm 42.

Thank you elQuintoConyo.
Yes I am wearing over the knee dresses and blouses with collars, boden, hobbs, Seaphine. With my hair tied in buns. Rather than the short denim skirts and vest tops and pinky, girly colours I would normally wear with my long, wavy hair down.

My little sister is 30. Last year she was shopping with her two preschoolers and our Mum, and the cashier asked Mum if it was an inset day, and said it must be nice to have her teenager off to help with the shopping.

She gets that quite a lot. I'm just jealous as I'm quite a bit older and look it

I'd probably be a bit judgy about bad parenting (e.g. parent on phone all the time whilst child/children running riot) but there are mums of all ages.
I'm one of the older mums to kids in DD's class (I think I'm the oldest), but I'm told I don't look my age. That said, I have no idea of how old anyone is - I may be able to take a guess at the age of a much older person and get it to within 10 years!

Dress how you want. Like el a lot of my clothing comes from H&M and I've a good few years on her! :)

I was 23 and looked younger when I had my eldest. I'm 30 now with three dc and I feel like I've aged 20 years

To be honest I never felt judged. A few people commented that I was young (I didn't feel particularly young!) but it was never in a negative way.

I was also asked for ID way into my 20s.
Now that I'm in my 50s and still looking much younger than my age I like it!

Dress in what you like! You have no idea what people actually think, you're projecting thoughts into their head! Plus, who cares what they think?!

If I'm looking at people it's usually me thinking along the lines of "ooh I like her hair colour" or "I wonder where she got her skirt" . Not "oh a teenage mum". Sometimes I think "wow, I can see that girl's entire bum" but in an envious way at her figure or self confidence. Not disapproval. And even if I was disapproving I should be minding my own business and not judging people!!

In summary- be your own person, wear what you want, not what you think you should!!

Don't give it a second thought. It happened to me. Now I'm fast-approaching 60 and I still look young for my age. It's ace.

Wear what you want and stuff the haters . Just remember to take I.d with you at all times.

If people don't know you and assume you are babies older sister or something who cares. You might as well enjoy looking young while you can so throw out those dowdy dresses and start enjoying life.

Thank you all for your reassuring comments.

Bluerose- I like your summary! I suppose my lack of self confidence is what makes me project my insecurities into their head!

Ohdeartoby- I know what you mean! I don't feel young anymore! Haha I'm sure the wrinkles will appear soon with the amount of sleep I am getting!

No I don't judge younger mums at all ( I'm in my 40s) TBH most people with young DC are so busy with them they wouldn't notice that as much as you think. I do however notice mums who are not looking after their DC properly or treating them poorly and they can be any age.

I used to get that OP, people always thought I was much younger, paid half on the bus into my 20s, ID'd when I was out when I was late 20s. It was really annoying. Then I got to mid 30s and my face got thinner and now I look my age. I miss looking younger now it's gone
Don't worry about it and just concentrate on being a good mum.

I know what you mean OP!
But I'm younger (24) I have a 2year old and currently expecting another.
I've always looked about 12 no matter what I do - I never really wear light natural makeup like I would do in the past (bit of foundation, blush and mascara) as I would look like I'm in school.

I started my new job recently and when my team first found out I was engaged and already had a DC you could hear a penny drop in the room, they all thought I was about 18.
I find it hard at playgroups, as you've mentioned most people have DCs older and all of my playgroup mums are 30+ and I can tell I don't really fit in and struggle a bit as I don't quite feel mature enough.

And I do feel like people look at me and think I'm a teenage mum with an unplanned baby.

Try not to worry too much. I get this and always have done. The older you get, the more you'll actually like it!! I'm 35 and don't look it - I still get id'd. My husband too. He owns a multi million pound business - the looks we get when people realise we are not a couple of kids starting out! As I get nearer and nearer to 40, I don't mind looking younger than I am. You'll love your youthful genes one day.

Get shot of your frumpy clothes and wear your funky clothes. Let your hair down. You're going to be spending a long time being middle aged and elderly so enjoy your youth.

Stuff what people may think. I think you're concerned about something that isn't happening - most people are busy living their own lives, not judging others.

My children (adults, early to late 20s) get asked for ID all the time, it's what happens these days. 15 year olds can look 26 and vice versa.

This should give you some comfort, I am almost 34 and still get asked for ID !!!! Not by the shops that know me, and I wouldn't say I look under 18, or 25 for that matter but regardless, when I shop in stores they don't know me I make sure I dress older as well, dressing youthful will get me the do you have id-question. As for what dressing older means, boring office clothes, black, blue, white colour, sensible shoes, clothes teenagers wouldn't be seen in primarily.

Try to enjoy it rather than seeing it as a negative thing. Wear what you want to wear too. If you get asked for ID, just show it then forget about it.
I've always looked young for my age and it can be annoying when you're on your 20's but believe me, when you're 45 and people think you're in your 30's it's not so annoying 😀

I know how you feel! Until two years ago I had this constantly, people asking if I'd moved to my city for uni (yes 11 years ago went I first started at 18....), getting ID'd for everything etc. Now I'm married and pregnant I wonder if people are still looking at me wondering if I'm 19.
But I don't judge those people at all. Totally get how you feel though. After awhile it just gets so cringe. We will look great when we're 70 though haha.

OP I know what you mean.

I used to look younger than my age and as I worked at a university, was constantly being mistaken for a student. I also got vaguely disapproving comments about how I looked very young to do my job. I also started dressing older, primarily Next or MnS workwear and "professional" make up as opposed to liquid eyeliner and flicks.

These days, I am nearly 38, look like I am wearing a fatsuit, and my fair skin is all freckled and lined. I have a few greys. I don't get ID'd anymore

And you know what? I love it. I really like looking my age, having people take me seriously, and wearing what I actually like without fear someone will think I am 12. Being middle aged is great!

Wow- I am glad I am not the only one! Thank you everyone for your own similar stories! I am a little anxious about the whole playgroup/ school mums situation too!

JohnnyMcGrath- Haha I love your positivity towards being middleages. You made me laugh about the fatsuit!!!....I do look forward to having people take me seriously though!

I'm 22 and have a ten month old, I have never been able to buy anything without being ID'd, I know I look like a young teen but it didn't bother me until I had dd. I have had plenty of nasty looks and rude comments, most recently I took dd into the gym with me to sort out my membership and some old man who was also in there talking to the bloke at reception, turned away mid conversation to stare at me then said 'you started a family very early didn't you!'. It's just unnecessary and nasty, and a lot of people clearly do look down on younger parents, our neighbours had a baby on the same day as us (we moved to the street 2 days after she was born) DP got chatting to the dad and they agreed we should all meet up. DP is 24 but looks much older, and when we met them they told us we couldn't be friends because we were too young and they had assumed we were older! This horrible comment meant I avoided taking dd to baby groups as I was horribly bullied as a teen and it would not have been good for my mental health to feel judged and excluded during what should have been a nice experience for dd and I to share. I have a mum friend here who is also in her early 20s and she felt hounded out of the music/play groups as no one would even talk to her or let their children play with hers. My DM runs a preschool so she helps me plan enriching activities for dd and I to do at home instead.

I think people assume young parent = irresponsible chav and most aren't good at hiding it. I worked as a nanny before I had dd and in various other childcare roles, I have more prior experience with babies and toddlers than most new parents and DP works with children with SEN, sometimes children with severe disabilities. I am middle class, well educated there's no reason I couldn't relate to older mothers, we are all going through the same situation so have plenty in common, but that all goes out the window as soon as people see you and see you are young they avoid you like the plague. We own two houses and will soon be buying another, we could afford to have a baby and although she wasn't planned, we were off contraception and just seeing what happened not actively ttc. But we knew if we did fall pregnant it wouldn't have been a disaster. People don't know all that though, they just go off how I look.

Please don't change who you are and how you dress because of nasty small minded people, it really is their problem not yours. It isn't a bad thing to be a young parent, everyone's circumstances are different and youth isn't an indicator of bad parenting. Who wants to dress frumpily in 'mum' clothes? Becoming a mother doesn't change who you are as a person in that sense, enjoy your youth now and wear what you want, you will regret it in the future looking back and seeing you didn't enjoy yourself because you felt you needed to try and look older.

No I don't judge young mums as I myself am. I would Enjoy looking younger and not worry what others think!

I was 34, had not long given birth to DS1 and was wearing leggings because nothing else would fit and was mistaken for a teenager on a few occasions. It made me laugh!

You think you look like a 16 year old?

I don't give a fuck what age you are and nor should you OP! Please please please dress and live for yourself and not other people.