Stranger Danger

[Nessie100]

So it's time I had this chat with my 4 y/o. I don't want to use the word "stranger", as he regularly comes into contact with people he has not previously met through being at his dad's workplace (he's self-employed & could have 10 people in a day).

I also read something lately about using "tricky" in the place of "stranger".

He is soooooooo outgoing & friendly & would quite literally say hi to the wall if he thought it might answer back . So while I want him to be careful / prepared, I don't want to scare the friendliness out of him.

Any advice? How did you broach with your children?

Statistically, if your son were ever abused, it would be by someone you know. Your son doesn't need to be wary of strangers, per se, but of ANYONE who tries to make him do something he feel uncomfortable with. For example, teach him about possible scenarios... He needs to be aware that an adult never needs the help of a child, as in a adult who asks a child to help him find a puppy, or asking for directions. If a stranger tells your child that you sent them to get your child and bring him to you, your son needs to know that that would be a lie. You would never send a stranger to get him. Teach him about trusting his gut feelings and about possible scenarios, not "stranger danger." We have to interact with strangers all of the time!

Yeah, that's specifically why I don't want to use the word strdnger.

He already suffers from night terrors etc, so I need to broach it all in such a way as to not frighten him.

I did a lot of "what if" discussions with my kids, and it worked really well. For example, I would ask, "What if someone in a car stopped beside you when you were walking, and asked you to get closer so they could talk to you? Do you think this would be a safe thing to do?" Then based on how they answered, we would talk more about it. I would tell them that unfortunately there are people who might want to trick them and get them into their car. I did this with lots of different situations and we always had good talks.

It's about the difference btn secrets and surprises. Secrets from grown ups are bad, surprises can be good. Challenge the word whenever other people use it with him, so he knows what is ok.

It's ok to say no to a grown up, if they want you to do something you think mum wouldn't like. It's ok to shout no very loudly, if you need to.

Have a password, that you will use if you ever need to send someone for him in an emergency. That way, if you send a friend, an ex, a relative, that will be ok and if such a person tries to take him without permission, he knows not to go.

We had 'safe helpers' so if ever the kids got lost etc they knew who could help them. Police, fire and ambulance staff initially, then 'shop people' - like uniformed checkout staff, or someone behind the counter. Helped that grandma was a 'shop person' in that case!

Also we don't have secrets - surprises yes, private things (voting choices, odd bits of personal tat that they each have a special box for) but never secrets. My ex had a family history of child abuse so it was really important that the kids knew that they can talk about anything.

I didn't sit my dcs down and specifically talk about it as it might have scared them but have dropped it in when it naturally arose.

I am also clear about respecting the dcs physical boundaries e.g. Asking before helping them undress and talking about their ownership of their private parts.