I'm really struggling

[Lulu2515]

DS is 2 and a half.

DP and I have had some problems in the past but we got through them and things are lovely now. He is and always has been a great dad.

The issue is with me. I'm just not coping.

My DS frequently tells me to go away or he doesn't love me or his best friend is daddy etc.

I get so overwhelmed with the simplest things e.g. him not getting dressed in under 30 mins... him making a mess when I've spent ages cleaning (i'm a bit ocd).

I try so hard and we do lots of games and shared activities, i have him on my own one day a week when i dont work.

But i just feel like crying. Recently ive thought that i wish i hadnt had kids. And that i wanted to leave. Im jealous of my childless friends.

But theyre all awful thoughts and i love him more than anything else in the whole world.

Sorry...big ramble. I just can't say these things out loud in rl and i dont know what to do :-(

2 and a half you say? With the first one? I marched every single bit of baby stuff down to charity shops before dd was 3 as I was never ever ever having another one and felt like a prisoner trapped with a slapping screaming toddler. It will get so much better, honestly.

Every month last 3 years dd got more and more interesting and lovely. Dd2 is 2 and a half and there are days I'd swap her and keep the £1000 I spend on daycare per month but never judge anything by a bad day.

You sound like you need a bit of a break

Thank you for your reply. Trying to not have a big cry right now!

Yes only child.

When I'm on the verge of leaving, he does something amazing and adorable, so I hope there's just more moments like that!

Is this normal then? Children of this age are just awful? I actually wondered if I had some mental health issues

Yes it's normal - that's why it's called the terrible twos! Hang in there OP. It will get better.

You sound overwhelmed and depressed - both of which are understandable some DC are much harder work than others!

How much does your DP really help out with the day to day nitty gritty of getting dressed, housework etc?

I expect some people cope better than me but I find the mobile and senseless age dull and stressful and many do. Once they're past the tantrumming for silly reasons stage and talk more they do get so much nicer.

Also mine have both rejected whoever has told them off last at this age, it's a well known tactic!

Dh and I have jokes about being locked up in solitary confinement for a while to have a rest - it's a joke in poor taste but reflects how desperate we've felt at times with toddlers.

2 and a half is a horrible age! They're really contrary, moan a lot and never do what you ask (plus they make a MASSIVE mess everywhere!)

Can you have a chat with DP and try and get some time to yourself? Maybe just lunch/coffee with a friend or something? Do you have any other mum friends you can trust who you can go and bitch about your DS with?

I look back at photos of the house when DDs were that age and it's such a fucking mess! Now they're older and all their junk is in their rooms it's so much nicer, but the early few years are really really hard. It's really normal for them to decide they prefer one parent over the other (DH is way more fun than me), give it 6 months and you may well find it swings back the other way. Hang in there...

Thank you.

DP gets DS ready for nursery in the mornings which is great. Then i do the evenings. I also do ALL the cleaning. DP pays for most of everything so that's how we've split things.

DS is actually very very chatty which is part of the problem... i literally can't explain 'why' anymore!!

Sadly I don't have any mum friends. Was hoping to meet some through nursery but that hasn't happened.
DP would be happy for me to go out but I've not got much money and to be honest I'm just bloody shattered all the time!

Tried posting a meet up thread on your mumsnet local? You could have a tea/play date at people's flats/houses on your day off. I never experienced loneliness until I had children and I'm sure a lot of parents are the same.

Also, I'm not sure you doing all the evenings is fair - bedtime is by far the hardest part of the day, maybe switch a couple of mornings for a couple of evenings? Are you and DP both skint the same amount?

Erm it's family money and family cleaning - you should have equal leisure time and equal spending money...

Him paying more £ does not mean you get lumbered with all the housework!

If you are struggling tell your dp and ask him to take turns doing bedtime

Your ds may well be picking up on your irritation - the years 0-3 are the most important in a child's life as their developmental pathways are being created. The brain is 80% formed by three years so do try super hard to make these years count.

Consider that you have PND or think about putting him in nursery that extra day for a couple of months

Urgh the money argument is a totally different thread- our salaries are very different. But to be fair- he just paid for me and DS to go on holiday when he wasnt able to come.

Quitelikely I'm sure you meant that as encouraging...but I AM trying super hard!

ok - I do wonder about a bloke that would see is DP skint though if he's comfortable, that doesn't seem right to me even if he's not entirely unforthcoming. I agree though, that's only something you can talk about if you want to.

It sounds like you're trying hard to me, and your DC will be ok - my DC is a fascinating 6 year old now, but at 2.5 she used to launch herself at other children's toys screaming 'miiiiiiine' whilst trying to slap other kids :)

MY DS 2.5yrs is either hideous and naughty or absolutely adorable, funny and the best thing ever! Think its normal! I also have 1 day off where I am mummy with him. On Friday he was on the naughty step before 10am!