Parenting with disabilities

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I am ttc right now, I may well not succeed due to age and health. one reason I have been delayed in starting is my health problems.

If I do succeed I am very concerned because I struggle greatly with getting down to the floor and back up. I can't kneel.

I am planning to work with a physio to maximise my abilities here, but reading another thread today about whether elderly relatives could manage to care for a young child has got me down because in many respects I may be similar or worse than them.

Whatever I have to do to get through the early years, I will do, even if it means being on stronger meds or struggling to pay for someone to be there to help me.

Does anyone have any ideas or experience of similar though? Particularly how to avoid having to do everything on the floor?
I suppose one thing I could do if I am lucky enough to need to is set up a play area and put a rail or something there to help myself up and down.

There are many great parents with disabilities. My friend's dad is in a wheelchair and has been since she was small he is a great dad and now grandad.

My own dad is now in a wheelchair and unfortunately would not be able to have sole care of a young child because of the extent of his disability. It wouldn't be fair on him as he would worry about keeping a small child safe because of his very limited mobility and he also couldn't pick up or carry a baby older than 3 months because he/she would be too heavy.

You know your condition best and often these problems are overcome by trial and error.

The bed is often a good alternative to the floor, just have to be careful once they can roll. Often people find out their baby can roll once they've nip to the loo and baby rolls off.

Slings can prove useful to spread the weight of carrying a baby around.

Even young children can be taught things, such as I have taught my ds to hold his arms up and grab my fingers and pull himself up to standing. This is because not only am I very short but also have a bad hip and back so I don't want to lift a heavy baby from the bottom of a cot if I don't have too.

Get a great pram! Burrow someone's toddler and go and try them out, see what you can actually push with a child in! What straps you can do up with a child inside. Which one you can lift into a car and can fold and unfold.

All the best

Thank you so much Eeeeek2

That is encouraging and some good tips.

I don't know what your limitations are but I'm sure there are ways to overcome most of the practical problems. A friend of mine uses a wheelchair and got pregnant with twins!! She had a lot of pieces of furniture custom made for her, to be at her level.
She was also lucky in that she was able to get a live in nanny to help.
Will you be solo parenting?

Thanks Bubblesoup. I live with my partner who works quite long hours but would be around! Sounds like your friend is doing a great job, must have been a bit of a shock for her!

Hi i have 2 children well they are adults now and i have limitations like you. Puttingbaby higher on abed was better for me or changing on my knee or sofa. I used to have them inbaby seats and drag themaround the house soi didn't needto carry and walk cots can be raised and as baby gets older youcan trainthem to standup to be liftedout you learn quickly to adapt goodluck withttc

Thank you so much MrsJayy, that's encouraging. It is hard sometimes because pretty much everyone I know has not had to make any adaptations so I look at them and think that I couldn't do what they do. Yet there are many people who are probably adapting in ways I don't see. Yes, I just need a bit of luck with ttc now. I had an very early miscarriage last cycle and have had some slightly dodgy blood tests relating to my condition, but fingers crossed.

Oh I am sorry about your miscarraige hopefully you will conceive again soon.

Thank you

I had similar, had periods of being better and worse. I always laid my baby on a blanket, for ease of picking up by picking up the corners. Encouraged clinging on like monkeys, to help getting them to change table etc. Lots of going to stay+play so I could rest and workers helped play with kids. Small soft play ditto. And avoided the baby groups where they expected you to sit on the floor - generally the nice friendly ones were fine if I pulled a chair over.

Cultivate all the friends you can who might help out, even if you are there too, but it's surprising who actually steps up - often not those who were loud about how much they will love to help, but those who are actually terrified of babies but willing to help anyway.
There were some periods when it was really tough - 9-15 months when heavy but not yet reliably standing, in particular, but it's been so worth it (kids now 9 and 5 and the physical burden is over).

Thank you NotCitrus, yes I see what you mean about 9-12 months. It is great to hear you say it was all worth it though, I keep reminding myself that in the scheme of things the kind of physical support needed in the early years is for a short time.

Hiya!
Before I write anymore I made a Facebook group a few years ago for the exact same reasons called Disabled Parents Unite. Especially with my 1st pregnancy there wasn't any support about, couldn't find any groups, the hospital I was at didn't have a clue etc. I learnt to adapt basically by myself.

So when I was pregnant with my second, I started to find out a little more from the DPPI and disabled parents network. Although most was similar to what I had already learnt myself. There were handy leaflets on social care which is something I struggled with and wanted help with.

m.facebook.com/groups/222405494485006

I also have a blog
Rhiangregory.wordpress.com

It has a bit of everything in, from my health and to normal day to day things :-)

I had a Moses basket downstairs and a cot upstairs. So I didn't need to have to keep going up and down all the time.

I would make sure I would have everything to hand in the downstairs room and upstairs room. (Nappies, wipes, spare clothes, couple toys).

When they started to move about I made a comfy space on the floor for me to sit / lye on to spend time playing or resting on the floor next to them.

Changing nappies, I did do
On the settee the same level. Putting a thin changing mat underneath. Of course never leaving unattended and would either have a cuddle after or put back in Moses basket.

I'm a wheelchair user but even if your not, perhaps when going to the supermarket you could babywear with a wrap / carrier and use an electric wheelchair to do your shopping in.

Changing station every floor, at the right height for you. Doesn't have to be an actual changing table.

Once they're walking, really encouraging walking and extending their range bit by bit. They seem to understand quite easily that one parent can't pick them up, carry, push (and twist the other parent around their little finger).

If you have a local college that does childcare courses phone and ask if they do 'placements'. Sometimes they are looking for homes to go to, and prefer situations where they have supervision but a lot of childcare (i.e. twins, disabled mother). Free too!

I managed sling/rucksack with crutches for months. Didn't help with pain, and I got some funny looks, but we managed to get out to some baby groups and people/teachers were generally really helpful with holding baby, swinging the rucksack up, helping down the stairs when no lift etc.

As much help as possible. DH did all the night duties along with MIL and DM (taking week long shifts) for first few months. Paid help too, which luckily we could afford.

Take every shortcut, cheat possible (e.g. if formula feeding and can afford to, buy the ready made-up packs).

Mobility scooter whilst pregnant, as many warm pools,hydrotherapy sessions as possible to help manage pain (which may well get worse). Wheelchair and baby in sling for shopping. Waitrose are very helpful but I'm sure other supermarkets all help. As much on-line shopping as possible.

Health visitor and midwife likely to be very supportive and do far more in-home visits than usual, to avoid you trekking to clinic. Also likely to keep you on the books for longer, see it as help.

If you/partner work you may be eligible for some form of salary sacrifice childcare vouchers, which make nannies, nursery a lot cheaper. You can apply from before the baby is born, I think.

Had quite a lot of help, especially at first, but managed quite well on own with odd hours of help (and a very hand-on DH) for much of mat leave. Pain was worse, I did take more meds, which meant I couldn't safely be left on own overnight with DC (in case of emergency), or drive.

If it happens (and fingers crossed) and you come up with a question later, you can always DM me and I may recall suggestions for specific issues.

This is all really helpful, thank you. I will check out your blog rolling and thank you Pollaidh for the offer to DM if I need to, that is very kind and something I will probably do if I am lucky enough to get to that point as I am sure a million questions will occur to me.