Just can't get the hang of potty training!!

[mavikoi]

My son is nearly 3 and a half and despite 5 attempts at potty training over the last 6 months we still haven't cracked it! We have tried just about every suggestion, star charts, choosing own pants at the shops, encouraging to watch us and his older brother going to the toilet. However, nothing works! It has now become a real battlefield and if we even mention the potty or toilet he gets really distressed.

Last weekend and the weekend before, we had a really good try at it for 10 dyas in a row and just kept changing him when he had wee ed or pooed. We manged to get a few wees on the potty and toilet but his was purely by chance.

He is never upset or uncomfortable about being in wet trousers.

I have chatted this through with the health visitor and numerous other mothers and tried various methods but still no luck.

I am really worried about it and this is causing a lot of tension within the family. Everyone says he is obviously just not ready but I worry that there is something deeply wrong.

I'd be interested to hear of any similar experiences.

I think you have to say 'this is it, no going back at all', and put aside a week or so with no other commitments when you can just stay at home. Once it warms up a bit, you can go naked in the garden which makes life easier, certainly from a clearing up point of view. Encourage him to sit on the potty every 10 mins, then extend that to 15 mins etc. It takes a while for them to 'ask' to go, so for a bit you have to be in charge of when to sit. Have a stash of story books to read to him while he's sitting.

At three and a half he might be able to go straight to standing up wees - can you get him to 'water the flowers' or something like that?

Yes, the warmer weather will make it easier. Also, will probably go straight to toilet as he is big now and a potty is uncomfortable. However, the atmosphere is so tense that any mention of potty/toilet and he gets really upset. He even hid the potty the other day and I couldn't fine it for ages (it was under the stairs!)

The biggest problem is how I feel about the whole thing - I am really embarassed that at parties etc he is the only one still in nappies. I feel like I have failed in some way. I love him so much and just wish we could get through this problem

right, this is how i did it with my 3 year old boy.

Put potty in the living room. Strip boy from waist down, turn heating up.

Keep it like this for at least 3/4 days. No pants, trousers, nothing.

Then progress to loose boxer shorts. Again, at least a week in them,, then boxers and loose jogging bottoms.

When you take him out, don't take him far. But don't take spare clothes. So if he wets, you have to leave the park, or wherever else nice you take him. Just 'forget' trousers.

Obviously you can't do this if you have to walk 20 minutes in the clod to get home.

Thanks Colditz - did you keep prompting him to use the potty or just leave it?? What did you say when there were accidents?

Trouble is I work 3 days per week so it is hard to keep the momentum going. The nursery he goes to keep asking us to put him in Pull Ups but to my mind this is just the same as a nappy!!!

I was worried that DS was over 3 and had no inclination to potty train, despite me trying for 9 months. Then Wooosh, he just did it on his own so don't worry too much.

At DS's nursery there are children of 4+ still in nappies, again don't worry, I do belive that DCs do it themselves when they are ready.

Colditz idea is great and I would suggest that you take a small cushion that is plastic wrapped with a cloth cushion cover, also take a spare cushion cover. Strange I know but if you need to use a bus/taxi/public seat etc, DC can sit on the cushion and and wee will be transferred to the cushion rather than someone else's upholstry. The cover can just simply be washed. DS would 'hold' his wee as he didn't want to spoil the funky cover on his cushion

You are right, a pullup is the same as a nappy. It feels the same to them

I eventually managed to potty train my ds 2.10 yo after 4.5 weeks of constant accidents. He did shout when he weed but was always too late for potty/toilet. It is awful but I would suggest you just keep going and with pants too and not pull ups.

I know its really hard not to be annoyed and frustrated by the whole thing - I was tearing my hair out even dreaming about it!!!! But try not to be too upset or angry about his accidents. I moaned at ds a couple of times and it seemed to set him back abit so keep going but try and put as little pressure on him as you can if he has an accident. If he is like my ds he will get there eventually, but it is frustrating especially when everyone else I knew seemed to have it sorted within a week of starting.

DS would not sit on the potty unless he was desperate to go and I could not force him to sit on every 15/30 mins that didn't work for him. Therefore I just kept asking him every 30 mins or so but not getting worried that he didnt want to sit on his potty and again having accidents.

Another thing you could try is having his pants on then, if he looks like he needs a wee (ds wiggles as he holds it for awhile so its easy to tell)then asks if he wants to put a nappy on and do his wee in there. Wait for him to do it, then take it off immediately and put his pants on. At least that way he will start to control it a little even if it is not in his potty/toilet at first. This seemed to help ds.

Hope this huge message is of some use