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Original poster

Suitable punishments for nearly 5 year ol

53 replies

Beccarollover · 12/07/2004 15:41

Hi

Wonder if you can help...

I have made leaps and bounds with disciplining DD in the last year or so (you may remember the F*ing Fours thread).

Sometimes though, I struggle with what to take away/threaten her with....

For example at bedtime she quite often plays for time and keeps shouting me back in her room/makes up ailments etc and I find myself saying "Stop this or I'll...................." and I dont know what to say!! Ive learnt from experience not to say anything then not back it up so Im always careful not to just come out with something but would appreciate pointers on things that help motivate kids at times like this.

Sometimes I have said "Stop it or there will be no television tomorrow" and she will say "I dont care" then what???? Obviously I follow through the threat but it doesnt help me at that bedtime struggle.

Am I making sense?

List of your useful/effective punishments please

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Wallace · 13/07/2004 13:11

Something we have started doing recently is an argument timer...the idea for this just sort of came up during a conversation with ds (just turned 5) it was his idea as much as mine.

We have yet to actually make one, but an imaginary one seems to work just as well.

I will try to explain how it works:

Imagine a dial - starts at yellow, goes gradualy to orangey-yellow, to orange, then dark orange, orangey-red, red, darker red, and then to black. It has one hand which points to the appropriate colour.

yellow = happy/not cross
orange = starting to get cross
red = cross
black = sent to room (or other punishment)

Say I ask ds to do something, and he doesn't, I will say something like "my argument timer is starting to turn orange" If he still ignores me "Dark orange" in a sterner voice. Then maybe "Orangey-red" etc...

So far this is really working - he has only once got to black (and that was really more me just being in an exceedly bad mood ) and even then he apologised immediately and didn't go to his room.

He also uses it to let me know when he is getting cross, and dd (3) has picked up on the idea too.

Next I'll remember to buy a split pin so we can make one...

Original poster
Beccarollover · 13/07/2004 13:14

That is a really good idea Wallace - I find inanimate objects good to use in arguments because its then the "thing" that is giving the message rather than Mummy who can be shouted at!!

hmmmm how would you go about making one? I think that may work for Megan.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 13/07/2004 13:20

DSs have a jar each. Every Saturday morning, they get 5 pieces of dried pasta in the jar. During the week they can earn pieces or lose pieces and on Saturday morning we count out the pasta and the get 10p for each piece. The jars are then reset to 5 pieces.

Yes, it is bribery but it does seem to work. A lot of the time the simple threat "I'll take a piece of pasta out of your jar" makes them stop misbehaving. They never had pocket money before and it's easy to ensure they don't end up with too many pieces of pasta at the end of the week so it never costs much!

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Original poster
Beccarollover · 13/07/2004 16:47

Another day well spent at the office...

Ive designed an "Angryomoter" in Publisher with Happy (yellow and pink with smiley face) - Not Happy (orange and red with neutral face) - Cross (blue and grey with cross face) - Angry (Dark grey with angry face)

I have been out at lunch time and hunted down split pins to assemble it tonight!!!

Plan is - When the spinner is on happy = fine Not happy = warning Cross = final warning Angry = time out and sad face on chart

If anyone would like my Angryomoter let me know and I will send you a copy!

I think I enjoy making these things more than anything else sad cow

I like the pasta in jar idea too - think I'll store that one up for when she is more aware of the value of money.

OP posts:
roisin · 13/07/2004 16:55

These are such great ideas - what a creative lot you are.

Becca - I've sent you a CAT, please can you email me a copy of your angryometer. Thank you.

I might nick your pasta jar idea too SoupDragon: I put up a sticker chart yesterday linking pocket money to basic helping/chores round the house and it was angrily rejected this morning at breakfast because before we had 'grace' pocket money plus bonuses for chores.
So we're discussing it all on Saturday at House Council Meeting!!

SoupDragon · 13/07/2004 16:56

LOL! That's the sort of thing I do - spend ages doing the fun "making it" bit and then get bored with the "putting it into practice" side. I did SO enjoy painting DSs initials on their pasta jars with glass paints and so far I've stuck with the system too.

DSs are 5 and 3 BTW and they may not understand the actual value of the money but they know that more is good!

SoupDragon · 13/07/2004 16:58

Roisin, that's where the past's good. Basically, DSs are allocated 50p standard pocket money and they can earn more or lose it. You'd start with a number of pasta pieces equal to their usual pocket money and work from there.

jimmychoos · 13/07/2004 17:03

ooooh I might nick the pasta idea too SD!

roisin · 13/07/2004 17:03

'putting it into practice' does take a lot of energy and maintained enthusiasm doesn't it? We've not had pocket money for months now, and the boys haven't been bothered at all, I just ran out of motivation!

But now that birthdays are over, AND the new Lego catalogue has arrived, they are keen to have some spending power again ... but I would like them to earn it a bit too. Pasta jars here we come!

Original poster
Beccarollover · 13/07/2004 17:05

roisin - I cant remember which of my email addresses I have registered for Mumsnet

can you email me on [email protected] and I'll send it on

OP posts:
roisin · 13/07/2004 22:11

HOORAY! I now have an angryometer - thanks Becca - duly stuck onto card and laminated (well covered in sticky back plastic - we're low-tech here!) It's great. I want to encourage the boys to use it to express how they are feeling before they reach crisis-point, as well as using it to explain how I'm feeling.

We also scheduled an early House Council Meeting and the pasta jars have been approved - YIPPEE!

Thanks SoupDragon. I know it's early days but ds1 was falling over himself to lay the table, empty the dishwasher, sweep the floor, etc.

Wallace · 13/07/2004 22:14

Glad you liked the idea - Angryometer is a much better name for it as well.

I must get round to making ours, ds has been looking forward to it for weeks.

roisin · 13/07/2004 22:22

Sorry Wallace - should have credited you (and your ds) with the original creative idea!

Mumsnet is great for getting this sort of inspiration. Thank you all.

Wallace · 13/07/2004 22:53

Has just been back-firing a bit...ds was cross that I made him come in and get ready for bed. He told me his was black, and tried to send me to my room Oh well, I suppose it is good that at least i know just HOW cross he is!

Original poster
Beccarollover · 13/07/2004 23:11

Wallace would you like a copy of my version of the Angryomoter? Or are you going to make it yourself?

OP posts:
Wallace · 14/07/2004 13:52

Thanks Becca, I think we will make it ourselves though - haven't got a printer for a start! Also ds is really looking forward to it.

Have you been using it? Is it working?

roisin · 14/07/2004 16:51

SoupDragon - I've been laughing every time I think of you for the past day ... my boys are hilarious.

This morning they were squabbling (nothing new there), except they were arguing because I'd given ds1 first refusal on loading the dishwasher (for 1 pce pasta = 5p)! I managed to avert the crisis, by agreeing that ds2 could (if he brushed his teeth and put his shoes on quickly) do the dusting in the living room before he went to school.

I know it won't last, but I'm enjoying it whilst it does!

roisin · 12/08/2004 13:55

Pasta jars still working well in this house! Thanks again SoupDragon.

Kayleigh · 12/08/2004 14:13

roisin, how old are your boys.would like to start something like this with my two but think they (well ds2) might be too young. They are 6 and 3.

roisin · 12/08/2004 14:21

Kayleigh mine are 5 and 7. It works better for ds1 than ds2, but then this sort of reward system worked well for him when he was just 2 ... DS2 is harder to manipulate, sorry motivate! But the pasta is working as well for him as anything ever has. We do tend to concentrate on putting it in rather than taking it out, as they both respond better to positives than negatives.

Kayleigh · 12/08/2004 14:25

Ds1 is just starting to understand the value of money and i don't just want pocket money to be something that is given whatever their behaviour has been like. But is worries me that they'll start to think everything i ask them to do will have to be bargained over. where do you draw the line ?

Easy · 12/08/2004 14:28

I really have to try this with the pasta.

Ds is being ok atm, with me, but keeps losing his temper when at the childminder's. Childminder having probs with it, as I know he works himself up to ballistic levels if you handle it wrongly.

I urge her to ignore him completely when he's going off the rails, as he can't bear to be left out of anything. It works here at home. I leave the room, and if he follows me I just say "go away, I don't want anything to do with you until you can behave". But she says it's difficult to do with 3 other kids around.

Do you think I could award/remove pasta for each day?

roisin · 12/08/2004 14:38

How old is he Easy?

Easy · 12/08/2004 14:41

5 all but 3 weeks

roisin · 12/08/2004 14:57

So is he oldest in his school year, or youngest?

Pasta works well for us as a positive reward system, but stickers or a star chart may work just as well. Can you split up the day into manageable chunks, so he has a target not to lose his temper before lunchtime, or whatever? How does the cm feel about it? Does she have any suggestions? Will she have the energy/enthusiasm/time to keep reminding him about the pasta and monitoring his behaviour/pasta rewards?

My kids just don't respond well to taking it out, so we tend to use it just in a positive way. If they achieve a target or do a chore then they get a piece; if they don't they don't!

Ds1 used to lose his temper at this age, and it was a real nightmare. But he started school at age 5+2mnths and school just said it was not acceptable, and he was old enough to control it. They put in place targets and positive rewards, and it worked. He is still a bit volatile from time to time, but nothing like he was; He really turned a corner at that age. Hope it works for you.