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Teenage Daughter Pregnant

10 replies

lostandwanting · 04/07/2017 20:15

Hiya, where do I start? Firstly, thank you for choosing this post - I am completely out of my comfort zone posting on here.

I am married, a teacher, and I have a beautiful daughter that words fail to define and emotions fail to comprehend. She is that precious to me. I had a much better relationship with my daughter when she was under 12, but then she developed a closer relationship with her mum - and that's okay. It happens - shopping, TV, girly stuff, etc..!

When she was 13 she suffered from terrible depression with suicide attempts and self-harm, and there were so many times when we nearly lost her. Hospital, therapy, agencies (who didn't always have her best interests at heart), and so many wasted years. I knew that she could pull through, and she did, just.

At 16 she became pregnant, and SS placed her daughter with a family. They effectively made us choose between our daughter and our granddaughter - and we chose our daughter. In the last two years she has radically turned her life around, and it makes me so proud that I could cry. I knew that she could do it, but there were times when I thought that my marriage and our family wouldn't survive. Dark days.

My daughter is now pregnant again, and I just don't know how to react. I lurch from despair and depression to happiness. It is easy to say, "just be happy", but it is not as simple as that. I am devastated that this is happening again, but I can't show it.

I have bought a baby grow and written a card telling my daughter how much I love her, and that I will be here for her. But something in me is outraged and disappointed. I want to be cool about it, but......I don't know. Desperate man seeks advice. If you were my daughter (19) or my wife, what would you want me to be?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Earlybird · 04/07/2017 20:23

Does you dd live with you at your home?
Is she in a long-term committed relationship?
How does she envision moving forward?
Does she want to keep the baby?

Is she currently a student, or does she work?
Do you know if she uses birth control? Asking because I wonder if the baby was planned or longed for.

At 19 there really isn't much you can do. She is an adult, and is making her own choices.

lostandwanting · 04/07/2017 20:32

Yeah, she lives with us, an on-off relationship for 6 months, she wants to keep the baby and plan a future. She does work, full-time, and it wasn't planned.

Three years ago it just about tore us all apart - I have been married for 23 years and would do anything for either of them, but......please not a repeat of those years again.

OP posts:
Youvegotafriendinme · 05/07/2017 04:42

It could be the absolute making of her.

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Sandandwaves766 · 05/07/2017 05:45

Her daughter got put up for adoption?

flumpybear · 05/07/2017 05:54

Goodness you've been through a lot. Why did SS take your grand daughter away? Sounds like the worst thing to do if a person is suffering with depression

Personally I think I'd let DD know I was 100% behind her all the way so she knows she has a living home and support mechanism and just see what happens
Good luck

nooka · 05/07/2017 05:58

I assume SS decided the earlier baby wouldn't be safe with the OP's daughter and said that the baby could be placed with the OP and his wife but only if they had no contact with their daughter. They chose to support their daughter and so the baby was adopted. An incredibly hard decision for any family to make.

I'm not surprised your emotions are all over the place OP. I think all you can be is supportive and hope that it all goes OK, but I can see why you are scared that things will go wrong. Hopefully your daughter is more resilient now, and with support is ready to be great mum.

annandale · 05/07/2017 06:02

It sounds so hard, I'm really sorry to hear you are suffering. Do you fear that your daughter will be unable to be a parent again?

Cranb0rne · 05/07/2017 06:22

Why would SS make you choose between your daughter and granddaughter? What wonderful people they are Confused

Cranb0rne · 05/07/2017 06:22

Just saw previous reply, sorry.

luckylucky24 · 05/07/2017 06:24

In case you didn't know this already, as soon as your DD goes to a midwife, she will be referred to SS and a new assessment will begin to determine if she can keep this baby. So to an extent, yes you will have to experience it again. However, it sounds like your DD has turned things around and with your support is perfectly capable of parenting this baby so fingers crossed it will end okay.

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