Children's parties - should parents stay?

[TheUpsideDown]

I'm a mum to only one 4 yr old DS. He's been invited to his first birthday party by one of the children in his preschool. It's at a local community hall for a couple of hours in the afternoon this Saturday.

When I was a kid parents tended to just drop off their kids to parties and return to collect them at the finish time. They didn't stay (unless they were close family/friends of the child's parents and were helping out). But is this still the case? I haven't been asked by the child's parents to help out at the party. Will I be expected to stay and supervise DS or just leave him and return to collect him? I don't mind either way, but just not sure what the 'done thing' is these days.

I can ring/text to ask her, but I don't want to look like a total plank by not knowing what the parental 'party ettiquette' should be!

I don't know the child's parents at all, I don't even know what they look like. We don't bump into each other as our boys have different preschool start/finish times. But the mum has left a mobile number on the invitation. Would I sound silly asking "do you want me to stay and supervise my son or would you rather I left him?"

Just ask, either by text or on the day - it's so much simpler than having to guess ...

Every party that we've been to, the parents have stayed.

Ds us five and parents have stayed at every party, I think that's the norm at this age but probably not in a couple of years. There's always an accident, tears, trips etc as they charge around so I wouldn't want Ds to not be able to come to me.

Once they are school age we don't stay.

Until part way through year one (so age 6 birthdays) it was assumed parents would stay, not to help out but just because the children liked it. Dropped off by 6 and now for 7 unusual, unless there's a specific parental thing on too.

Parents stayed until year 1 around here, so age 5-6.
Most people stayed in reception year to get to know the other parents.
Always stayed for pre-school parties.

I wouldnt even think about not staying unless they specifically said parents dont need to stay. Who would watch your child if you left them? It only takes a second for them to run out of an open door or hurt themselves and if youre not there what would they do?

At age 4 stay. I went to a 4th birthday party recently and there was one little girl that had been left and she wet herself and the host had to run off and deal with that. It's too young.

I always stayed (cos dd wanted it) and offered to help out. I also always insisted that I don't need feeding or any kind of looking after. I bring my own water bottle and nick food if the kids have finished.

At age 4 I would stay especially if the adults there are unfamiliar

More parents stayed than not up until the 6th birthday. At the 6th we only had one or two stay. Some children were happy to be left at 4 but it seemed a bit early to me.

If they didn't want me to help out I would just stay in as unobtrusive a place as possible, chat to any other mum and encourage my dd to join in if needed.

Definitely stay at pre school age. I have a 5 yr old and the assumption is parents stay unless told not to.

Can your child reliably ask a stranger where the toilet is, or reliably go to it if shown?
IME parents of 4yos generally stay unless the kids know the family. 5yo parents generally stay at least for a while if they don't know the host. Y1 tend not to but ds's classmates included a number of kids that might forget their English if nervous so many parents stayed to translate if necessary (by Y2 all of them spoke perfect English and wouldn't shut up!)

Regardless of the age, the issue here is that you do not know the parents yet you are considering leaving your child with them.

I'm not saying they would do anything untoward but there is a huge spectrum of how people parent. I'm always amazed at the playground and soft play etc how many parents leave their kids to run around without paying any attention to what their kids are up to. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to stop an unsupervised child from injuring him/herself. There is no way I would leave a young child with people whose parenting I'd never witnessed.

But to answer your question I would expect parents to stay to a 4yo party.

Regardless of the age, the issue here is that you do not know the parents yet you are considering leaving your child with them

Then what age would you suggest you stop accompanying them to parties?

I would definitely stay. at my DDs 4th party all parents stayed apart from one little 3 year old who was left. she didn't know any of the other parents and I didn't know the child either. as host this meant I had to look out for another child whilst also trying to serve food etc. child needed help with going to toilet also.

at dds 5th party two parents left but there were other parents who knew the children well who looked out for the children.

It's pretty normal for parents to stay at 4YOs' parties.

Thanks guys, you're right. I should stay.

I was a little worried that if I asked her if she wanted me to stay or not she would think either:

"Ugh, a helicopter parent who can't leave her pfb for more than 5 mins without suffering separation anxiety!"

Or

"The cheeky cow just wants to dump her DS for a free bit of babysitting for the afternoon and not help out!"

Personally I'd rather not leave him if it's not intrusive to the host. DS is a confident chatty little boy when he feels comfortable. But he does become shy and weepy sometimes in situations that are new and out of his comfort zone. I know I can't molly coddle him forever, starting primary school in September is going to be difficult for him. But at the moment I'd worry about leaving him alone at his first party. He'll know other children from preschool, but not the adults.

I'll send the mum an rsvp text accepting the invitation, and just add I'm happy to help out if needed (or something along those lines)

Every 4th bday party we attended all the parents stayed. Most stayed for the 5th bday parties in reception year, but often non-bday child parents clubbed together and took turns attending with their child and one or two other friends of child in their care which worked well as saved bday parents having all the responsibility of accompanying to loo, sorting food etc. 6th onwards seem to be moving towards drop and run.