Should I tell my daughter she has a half sister? 2 continued

[tedrekasta]

Thanks everyone for your help.

The relative of the PM has replied to me - just 5 minutes ago - and explained the situation. Which whilst not exactly pleasant has at least given me an understanding of why the PM doesn't want any contact with our PD.

It hasn't moved on the objective of arranging contact though.

I wouldn't give up.

Thanks dovegrey18 very kind of you.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much hope but still...........

Out of interest did you read the original post (with a 1000 replies)?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/2846673-Should-I-tell-my-daughter-she-has-a-half-sister-title-edited-by-MNHQ?pg=40#add_message

If you have a few days to spare :) it may be worth a look at.

Thanks again

Kind regards

Yes I did. I think in some respects you need to 'man' up and put your own feelings first. The worst that will happen is that your wife would leave you. I'm sure your older daughter would come round..

If you aren't willing to risk your wife leaving you then you should draw a line under it and accept responsibility for not being a part of your little girls life

Hello dovegray18

I never know what people mean when they say 'man up'? I like to think of myself as a feminist and a pacifist and so I cannot think of a way to approach the Polish mother.

After all there are lots of people who complain about men showing up uninvited on their doorstep! I just couldn't do such a thing.

So, going to Poland and seeing the mother is impossible. That would be far too unfair on the mother in my opinion.

Then there is the legal route. But again that seems too aggressive. And unfair on the mother.

Basically, my position is that I cannot see a way forward. I thought time would heal. But clearly that is not the case. This situation has gone on for an eternity now. I almost feel that things are getting worse. Though more realistically they are frozen.

My wife seems to have settled into the status quo. I pay maintenance to the Polish mother. She pre approves any emails I send to the Polish mother. But as the Polish mum doesn't reply it seems my wife is unconcerned. Though she does occasionally complain about the maintenance payments.

Thanks again though for taking the time to read the whole saga and for responding.

Ah Ted.

Once again it's not 'you cannot' see a way forward. You completely and utterly refuse to do something every single other person here has told you is the right thing to do.

You Polish Daughter and your English Daughter will not thank you for the mess you have caused and refuse to deal with.

It has nothing to do with being a pacifist and a feminist.

Those are not synonyms with coward, conflict avoider, liar, bad father.

It's incredibly sad that you don't love your children more than you love an easy, quiet life.

I'm afraid I agree with mamahanji

Hello Mamahanji

Thanks for your reply. Though I find it confusing. What exactly do you think I should do?

You are quick to criticise but offer nothing constructive.

So let's all hear your solution! Or perhaps you can't think of one. Do you enjoy making me miserable.??

Perhaps you forget my multiple posts on your original thread. Of which you thanked me for making because of the insight it gave...

Sorry!!

I am getting old and forgetful.

But you still don't say what you think I should do.

As for being a conflict avoider. Guilty as charged. Surely that's a good thing.

Just a quick update.

Still no contact :((

Wife seems happier (??)

Can't see any way forward. Am feeling rather depressed.

I don’t know whether you get notifications for this still @tedrekasta but I was thinking of you the other day and wondering whether anything had changed for you and your daughters?