Dealing with parental guilt- toddler serious fall

[Chattycat78]

Toddler ds (2.5) had a serious fall just over a week ago whilst abroad. He jumped onto a tiny wall, wouldn't come off when told to, and when I went to grab him, he fell backwards. Unfortunately the other side of the wall was a 10 foot drop! There were no signs/fences or anything. He fractured his skull and we spent 4 days in Spanish hospital, including 1 scary day in intensive care.

We re now home, and he seems to be on the mend, which obvs is the main thing. However, I'm in bits. I cannot process it all, and I have no time to either, because I'm looking after the kids (him and a 1 year old).

My guilt is weighing me down and I don't know what to do with it- mainly because I was nearest to him and I Couldn't get him off. I didn't realise tbh that the wall was so dangerous and I believe that my reactions would have been slightly different had I realised- so I basically totally fxxced up.

I feel like an unfit mother and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. Ds is also v difficult at the best of times, but somehow we have to stop him bashing his head for 3 months (!) so I'm literally following him around the house on tenterhooks which is next to impossible, he also doesn't really like me and just asks for daddy all day, which is just adding to my "I'm a crap mother" feelings.

I'm not totally sure what I'm asking tbh- I just need to get it all out as I'm really struggling with dealing with what's happened as well as the day to day.

I also suspect that PIL Blame me and think I'm unfit too. They are right!

You know kids have accidents

You didn't know the full danger - the wall should've had signs or a higher wall - or fence - you weren't to blame -

We always look back at the things we did wrong and try and fix them in our brains to how it should've played out

But you can't change it - he's OK - he's going to be fine

I have a cracked skull from a similar accident and I don't blame anyone - it happened

You blame yourself because you're his mum and you were responsible for him at the time. It's a natural reaction and something that everyone would feel in your situation. That's not to say you are to blame or responsible for his accident, but that your reaction to it is perfectly normal.

Toddlerhood is such a difficult age - no sense, no fear.

Would something like a child bicycle helmet give you more confidence in him keeping him from banging his head?

It sounds like a real "there but by the grace of God" moment. I once had a similar scare with my DS at the seaside - he had wandered ahead and was starting to climb up one of the groynes close to the shore. It didn't look particularly dangerous, he was a good few metres from the water, so I strolled behind him. When I caught up I saw that on the other side of the groyne there was a drop into water several feet deep. Could have been awful.

Most parents have at least one of those situations in their lives. You are just very unlucky that yours actually came to pass. It wasn't your fault and I hope in time you're able to forgive yourself.

What a terrifying thing to go through. I've made some "why did I do that" choices with my 2yo and felt awful afterwards.

The guilt shows how out of character it was as a parent for this to happen, so it sounds like your kids are lucky to have such a loving and caring mum. Your children being safe and happy for the massive majority of the time should never go unnoticed - takes a lot of work to keep them that way and it's a thankless job!

Hope you feel better soon and a full recovery for your little boy xx