Please help me talk to my kids about safety/consent/sexual assault

[NoCapes]

A few days ago my DC's friend was taken from our street by a neighbour and sexually assaulted
My DC play with this child regularly and it's just sheer luck that they happened to not be playing out at the time of this incident

I've never really spoken to them too much about stranger danger and all of that kind of stuff tbh and obviously I want to now
I also need to have a brief conversation with them about what has happened to their friend before they hear kids rumours at school (their friend is in one of my DC's classes) and I want to open it up into consent/keeping your privates private etc

I literally do not know where to start
Can anyone help me a bit? I really don't want to say the wrong thing

They're 6 & 7 by the way

Oh, how awful!
No wonder you are worried.

IMO stranger danger is vastly overestimated and we should not make our children frightened of everybody they meet.
It is more important to strengthen their confidence and to teach them to trust their instincts or their feelings about a situation. If they are uncomfortable about something, chances are, they are right.
They need to know they can talk to a trusted adult about anything, no matter how weird, scary, unlikely or whatever it seems.
I also talk to mine about 'happy' secrets (lets not tell Daddy what we've got for his birthday so the surprise is bigger) and 'scary' secrets ('If you tell anything what we did, I'll kill your sister'). 'Scary' secrets must be shared with somebody, parents, teacher, policeman, anybody.

We have an alleged paedophile living in our street (I have no idea whether it is malicious rumour or if there is some truth to this) who is now a v old frail man. I have lived by 'better the paedophile you (maybe) know about' then the neighbour you are not suspecting.

The vast majority of abused children come to harm from somebody they know, family member, friend, neighbour, some kind of social contact. So warning them about 'stranger danger', while important, is not all there is too it.

Thankyou Pacific that's why I haven't really gone into the whole 'stranger danger' thing with them, because I don't want them to think everyone is a danger, if they ever got lost for example I wouldn't want them to be too scared to ask someone for help
So you're right I won't push the stranger thing - besides this person wasn't even a stranger was he
And yes teaching them to trust their instincts is the ideal isn't it, I will try to push that a bit

Love the idea of happy secrets and scary secrets I may have to steal that one
I do really want them to know they can tell me anything

Thankyou that's all very helpful

I have a password with my children. So if anyone tells them they're collecting them instead of me, they ask the password.

I've also taught them that adults don't ask children for help. Adults ask adults. For example, an adult asking them to help fund their wallet, or to help them talk their friend out of a hiding place that is scared.

And that private places are private places on their body!

And if they are ever scared of someone or a situation and I'm not there, to find another adult with children.

Ooh, I may steal the password idea - v clever!

Glad you find something useful here, NoCapes.

My kids (6 and 4) love the NSPCC Pantosaurus song. It's a fun cartoon song about your private parts. The animation is a bit like Hey Duggie on CBeebies.

It's also the password at nursery