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Parenting

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Original poster

Should i say something?

22 replies

Danielle3 · 22/03/2007 13:01

This probably sounds really petting but my mom favours my nephew over all her other grandkids. i have 3 DD's,my brother has two kids and my sister has 1. it is my sisters son that is favoured. she never has any others to stay but has my nephew at least once a week. she has also just thrown him a first birthday party which she has never done for any of the other kids.there are other things such as more expensive gifts etc but it would take all day to explain!....i haven't said anything yet. am i being petty or should i say something as my 7 yr old is starting to notice?

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nailpolish · 22/03/2007 13:05

have you spoken to your sister?
has anyone ever mentioned it before?

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 13:06

Have you ever suggested your dd's stay over at your Mum's?

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 13:07

Is your Sister the favourite by any chance?

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Original poster

Danielle3 · 22/03/2007 13:09

to be honest my sister is a spoilt brat. she wouldn't see a problem, she is very selfish and wouldn't care. in fact she is probably aware of it but is most likely happy that her son is the favourite......i'm starting to sound really bitter now aren't i?...it's just my mom had promised my eldest she could stop tonight but she has just arranged to have my nephew so i have to explain to my DD that she cant stay now

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Original poster

Danielle3 · 22/03/2007 13:10

yes she is the favourite i think even though she has caused my mom nothing but problems

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nailpolish · 22/03/2007 13:11

if it was me id say something. but that doesnt mean its the right thing to do, only that i cant keep my gob shut

good luck

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 13:12

That explains it then!

If I was you I'd get your dd to call her Grandma & ask her if she can stay over tonight, let her explain why she can't!

TenaLady · 22/03/2007 13:13

I would keep quiet and accept the situation tbh. I think your complaining to her wouldnt change her feelings towards your children.

Ive heard it said many a time that some Grandparents connect more with some of their Grandchildren and not at all to others.

Original poster

Danielle3 · 22/03/2007 13:14

before she had her son i would have said something but i dont want to sound like i am being horrible about my nephew as i love him to bits and its not his fault.

OP posts:

doggiesayswoof · 22/03/2007 13:14

I bet your sister put a guilt trip on your mum to have her ds and your mum gave in, even though she'd made the arrangement with you?

If I were you I would say something to your mum - she may not like it though.

nailpolish · 22/03/2007 13:15

can she only have one grandchild at a time?

doggiesayswoof · 22/03/2007 13:16

Actually I disagree with ScottishThistle - I wouldn't put my dd in the middle of this and make her phone - kind of using her is it not? Also quite low tactics imo

nailpolish · 22/03/2007 13:17

yes i agree with doggies. dd might be hurt.

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 13:17

I'd say something, I also agree that your Sister is the problem...your Mum may not be aware her actions are hurting your dd's feelings & is just having your Sister's ds to keep the peace!

Original poster

Danielle3 · 22/03/2007 13:19

i dont like to put on her. my nephew wakes up in the night etc so i dont think its fair.

OP posts:

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 13:20

Dd is already hurting by the sounds of it so too late for that...Never known a Grandmother to turn down a grandchilds request, I'm sure if she rang she'd either have her over or arrange another night!

nailpolish · 22/03/2007 13:22

but its not a game

instead of relying on granny to take the children overnight, you and your sister should be taking turns to have each others children

having a sleepover with your cousins is much more fun than at grannys anyway

JiminyCricket · 22/03/2007 13:22

Honestly? Two ways to handle it - say something calmly and as non accusingly as you can if you are prepared to risk further fallout (possibly for the kids as well)and are prepared to work it through with her, which might mean acknowledging things you do wrong too (not saying you do..just in my experience of having things out with parents its better to keep things cool, think about what they are saying too, and acknowledge my faults too..I've learnt a lot about myself from doing this and get on better with them now, but it was awful at the time). Or...leave well alone and try to forget it. Don't make your kids aware its a problem, and make a point of treasuring your nephew too - not his fault. My Mum recently told me she loved all her grandkids but had a special bond with dd1 - didn't know how to take it at all, but suppose it was honest! If a misguided comment to a Mum of two!

Original poster

Danielle3 · 22/03/2007 13:23

i feel bad now, like i'm slagging my mom off but i'm starting to feel that i should withdraw a bit. maybe just leave them to get on with it.

OP posts:

nailpolish · 22/03/2007 13:24

go with how you feel

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 13:27

If you choose not to say anything, whatever you do don't talk about it in front of your dd's or one of them may just do it for you - which is worse!

Original poster

Danielle3 · 22/03/2007 13:27

i dont rely on my mom to have my kids, she has probably had them a handful of times in 7.5 years. its my daughter who asked to stay. its the way she treats them differently that bothers me.

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