Any advice for handling toddler's funny ways with others?

[Lorechka]

Hi there!

I have a DD who is 2.8 and an only child. Mainly, she is a good little girl but there are two things that I need a bit of advice with:

1. She won't let her dad do anything. He can't put her to bed, put her shoes on, give her her food, push her in the buggy. Everything is "mummy do it!" The other day he tried to give her some porridge and she threw it at him! He is a lovely daddy so there is no reason for her to be so averse to him doing things. We have got to the stage now where she gets so worked up if he tries to do anything, I am just doing everything myself but this is very tiring and there are times when I might be out and he has to do things (incidentally she tends to be better at these times so I think the tantrum thing is definitely for my benefit).

1. She has developed a habit of being quite difficult with people when we are out. Wherever we go, if someone happens to say "that's a pretty toy" or "that's a nice song you are singing" she will either scream really loudly or shout at the top of her voice "it's not nice!!" and throw things out of her pushchair.

With this behaviour I usually end up apologising profusely to whoever it is or saying "that's not very nice Sophie". Doesn't make any difference though.

My dilemma is if I ignore the behaviour in an effort not to reinforce the bad behaviour am I kind of giving in to it? With both instances above I have largely ignored it but the situation has sort of been left to continue.

(one thing that might be significant is that she has always been mainly looked after by me and my mum; never been to a nursery or childminder yet. I am thinking of putting her in a nursery once a week soon to get her used to other adults!)

Any pearls of wisdom??

L

The best thing you can do is remember the phrase 'it's just a phase, it will pass' and it will, until it does!

Persist with daddy doing things though, rubbish though it is mine often switch between who is the favourite, do you often go out and leave her just with him??

This all sounds like really normal two year old behaviour!

I would be quite firm about the Daddy thing. If she says she wants mummy or throws a tantrum he should just say 'no, it's Daddy today' and not step back to let you do it.

Have you tried the naughty step or similar? She might still be a little but young for it.

I would go out and leave her with her Daddy. A few times.
Absolutely do not step in and take over from him.

Your second point isn't something that would unduly bother me. It's a bit embarrassing but she's only two and two year olds are a bit weird sometimes. I think I would probably ignore it.

It really is just a phase (no guarantee the next one is better mind )

Ah thanks!! Yes "it will pass" is a great mantra that I am trying to remind myself of... lol

Good advice about persisting with getting daddy to do more things. The 'ignoring it' thing just isn't working so will certainly give this tactic a go. I expect there will be a major meltdown or two but perhaps worth it to get to the other side.

To answer the questions, I have been out a few times (in fact I went on an overnight course recently) and DH was left to do everything, Guess what?! She didn't mention my name once. Lol. Definitely plays up with me around and sometimes looks at me as if to say "what are you going to do about that then?"

Haven't done the naughty step yet but I think it is a good idea. I was planning to save this for the really bad stuff (like pinching or hitting) but we don't get too much of that luckily. Will try it though.

Many thanks L xx

Thanks Thursdaylastweek. Yeah I think point two is something that gets to me more than it does other people so happy to wait for this to pass. You don't get many 18 year olds screaming when someone talks to them do you so I think she will grow out of it? ! Lol

Think it just helps to know it's all normal sometimes.

L

It's a phase. My dd used to get furious at that age if anyone called her "beautiful" or "sweetie" or even "dear". She'd scream at them "I is not beautiful I is (name)". Most people thought it was hilarious. This to shall pass.

Haha - it is quite funny with hindsight isn't it! particularly when they say things like "i'm not lovely" / "I'm not beautiful!!"

I seem to recall when ds was like this with dh that it was important that I backed dh up. So when ds would refuse to do something for dh or beg for me to do it, it should be me who tells him to ask daddy or tell him that it was daddy's turn iyswim. Or just leave them to it and not step in.