Am I getting this completely wrong?

[c737]

After some opinions as I'm really not sure I'm tackling this in the right way...

Ds (21 months) has always been a spirited little thing, and latest tactic is to push dinner away at every meal time and just say 'lolly.' I get down to his level and try to explain that he can have a lolly if he has some tea, but he just refuses and says no over and over.

His sister (3) always eats up and so gets the lolly at the end. Ds then has to watch her eat the lolly and gets upset, trying to follow her and take it. All this time, I'm explaining to him that he needs to have dinner first and then lolly.

He's stubborn and doesn't give in, so just doesn't get anything in the end.

Am I doing the right thing or is he too young to grasp the concept of what I'm saying? Personally, I think he does understand as his understanding is pretty good. I'm just worried I'm getting this wrong and there's a better way I could be handling this situation as it's obviously pretty horrible for him to watch his sister have what he wants.

I'm not worried generally about his eating or weight, he eats pretty well a lot of the time and has always followed ninety first centile. I'm just determined that he learns that he can't just come to the dinner table and demand a lolly!

Thanks in advance.

Definelty right to not give in but I would change the after dinner treat to stop this habit of his.

Once dd has finished her dinner bring a bowl of fresh fruit salad or yoghurt and remove his and her dinner plates.

Dont treat it as a reward. Its simply a second course.

What sort of lolly is it?

He's probably too young. If you're going to reward eating tea with a lolly (& lots of people will say that's completely wrong anyway), don't do it before about age 2.5yo.

Maybe your older child can be asked to eat her reward somewhere in private.

Stop buying lollies anyone for a while and don't talk about food. Put him by the table, put the food in front of it, if he eats it fine, if not, fine. His choice, he wont starve.

Just ditch the lollies after dinner. Give them later as and when you want to not as a reward if they've eaten their dinner. Less angst all round.

Yep, ditch the lollies.

Not too young. Dc 17 months will often refuse to eat the rest of his dinner because sibling has got their pudding. I put him down from the table as he has clearly finished then I offer him the opportunity ity to eat the rest of his dinner and put him back at the table. Sometimes this happens once otherwise it's 3 or 4. Then he eats his dinner and then gets his pudding.

Agree I need to stop with the lollies (they're fruit lollies on a stick). We've got in to a bit of a bad lolly habit lately due to the heatwave, and I admit I'm a bad one for rewarding eating up with a treat.

Ditch the lollies. Eating dinner shouldn't be something you only do because you want a lolly as a reward. You don't want main course to be the chore you have to drag through to get to the sugar at the end!

Make it easier on yourself by letting him have pudding even if he hasn't eaten everything, but pudding can be fruit salad, rice pudding, and only occasionally (and on the occasions he happens to eat) a lolly.

I have a 2 year old and she would react in same way as your son does. I don't think she has the comprehension to understand about nutrition, waste, etc yet.

I think he may too young to understand this. He may have a good understanding of words but IME the concept of 'if you do this now you'll get this later' comes a little later than 21m.

Also agree with other posters. I don't see anything wrong with a fruit lolly for pudding but I do try to avoid bribing them to get it.

Bribery is my only weapon with an 18 month age gap

Do what you have to do OP I had three under four so I do get it.

I'm not against bribery full stop. But I think that 'you can't have a pudding unless you eat your main course' sends such a negative message about healthy food - that it's something to be endured in order to reach the good stuff at the end.

Yes I know what you mean. I will be cutting out the lollies for after dinner treat as of tomorrow - am expecting dinner time tomorrow to be a challenge but should be better in a few days when the association has lessened a little. Thanks all xx

If it's just fruit on a stick then let him have the lolly and then give him the dinner afterwards? They don't care about the order at that age and he might well want to pick at his dinner afterwards because he's still hungry. Or as others have said, just give lollies as a snack at another time, not linked to eating dinner.

I definitely don't think that a 21 month old understands that he needs to do something (especially as confusing as "eat this food that you don't want in order to get that other food that you're telling me you want instead of this") in order to get the lolly. He just has two things going on. He remembers that he eats lollies at this table, so he wants one, and also sees that someone else has one, and wants one. That's about his level of understanding, and you keeping pushing the same food at him is just going to frustrate him because he doesn't understand why you're doing it or what you want him to do. As far as he knows, lollies come at this table, and there must BE lollies, because his sister has one, so he doesn't understand why he doesn't get one too.

Ah bless him, I don't blame him. But yeah, I guess lose the lollies for a bit.

Good point Bertie. I think this was exactly what I worried I was doing - trying to ram home a point that he just doesn't get. I think I will take lollies out of the whole dinner time ritual as it's just got muddled in to a big treat rush. I think I've been a bit lazy with after dinner pud as he's dairy intolerant and there's only so much fruit and alpro yog he'll tolerate before he wants his sister's more interesting yogurt or rice pudding. I need to think about healthy, dairy free puds really. Thanks again x

With my little boy who 27 months if he refuses his dinner I tell him that's fine but your not getting anything else. I will leave him in the high chair while we eat ours. Occasionally there will be tears but generally he will just get on with it. Your ds is possibly still a bit young and at that age I would have waited a while and offered weetabix or something.
I'm not really a pudding person (as in a straight after dinner thing, I love them otherwise!!) and as a general rule dinner is the last thing ds gets before bed. (usually around 7 so too late for supper anyway)

I don't like to offer rewards for eating so don't like to say you can have x if you eat y. Although I wouldn't let my son have a biscuit or whatever if he didn't eat his dinner and I would tell him this is why he isn't getting it so that is maybe a bit silly.

I'm just starting to teach my son the concept of cause and effect like if you don't come to bed now there will be no story and then explaining why he is getting no story. He says ok but I know he doesn't really understand it yet.

Bit late to this but just to add what I do with dairy free envy! My youngest (18 months) has dairy and egg allergies and gets quite jealous of his brother's yoghurts. I've started buying pouch style yogurts for the oldest to have and keeping fruit pouches (Ella's kitchen type ones) in the fridge as well. As far as the youngest is concerned they're both getting a pouch from the fridge to eat and peace reigns!
Oatly also do a pretty decent custard in a small carton. Expensive but good as a treat and satisfyingly correct colour and texture to avoid comparisons!

Cardamon rice is delicious made with almond milk and is really easy!

Good luck OP! I'm currently giving my 2 year old second breakfast in macdonalds drive through. Bagel and Philadelphia. I've not been as good.....

Thanks for your suggestions everyone, the pouches one is great Molly, I hadn't thought of that.

Ha ha Gplan I'm never that good at Maccy d's either!