Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Shy 18-month-old: would sending him to a nursery help or is this pushing him before he is ready?

19 replies

justaphase · 21/03/2007 13:36

My ds is a happy little boy, very bright (obviously ) and loving. However he is very shy and gets upset when he is in a big group of kids.
Even when it is just one other child it freaks him out a little. If another child comes and takes his toy he just gets upset and looks at me for help but won't do anything like say no or take his toy back. He does not have a drop of aggression in him. I know that most toddlers have the opposite problem but you need to be able to stand up for yourself in this world unfortunately. Sometimes I think I should just let him be himself, he is still very young but then I worry that he will be the one to be bullied at school.

Anyway - I was thinking that maybe if I sent him to nursery part time, 3 half days for example, this might help him socialise a little.

I know it will be very traumatic, he tends to scream blue murder if I leave the room generally. Would I just be pushing him too far before he is ready?

Any advice highly appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

frances5 · 21/03/2007 13:55

Give him a little longer he is still a baby. Ofcouse he is going to be clingy its what babies are supposed to be like! Let him be a baby. How can you expect him to stand up for himself when he has just learnt to walk?

As for being bulllied at school, its a long time until he goes to school. There is plenty of time of him to mature.

Only reason I can see for putting him in nursery is to give you a break. If you have the money and you want to have a few mornings to yourself to get jobs done then that is up to you.

nailpolish · 21/03/2007 13:58

they change loads from 18mths to 24 mths

keep him at home with you til he is 2 (at least) maybe 2 and a half depending on how he is at 2

i LOVE the age between 18 and 24 mths its lovely

make the most of sitting with him and cuddling

dont worry he will be fine

sandyballs · 21/03/2007 14:01

No don't put him in nursery unless you have to. He's very little, make the most of him, he sounds lovely. He'll soon change and you'll be starting threads saying "My 4 year old is too aggressive" .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

indiajane · 21/03/2007 14:04

I don't think you should put him in nursery either - not for the resons you've mentioned. He really does sound lovely and perfectly normal. I'm guessing he doesn't have any older siblings?

Tatat · 21/03/2007 14:06

My ds wouldn't have fought back at this age either. And he was already at nursery, had been for quite a while, so the "socialising" thing hadn't had an impact. Also he goes through stages of being happy in big groups, only wanting it to be me and him, being noisy for a few days, being quiet for a while, etc etc and he's now 2.4 so like your name suggests it probably is!

I know that's not really helpful but from the rest of your post you seem to suggest you don't really feel he's ready for nursery- I'd rely on your mumsense antennae and wait for a little while, maybe instead get him used to his familiar environment with other children in before moving to a nursery.

Also my ds is quite a mild mannered chap at home, even takes himself off to "time out" if he gets a bit too wound up without it even being hinted at, but apparently at nursery he is one of the noisiest there! So if you do decide to get your little one into nursery soon he might be a different sort altogether.

Hope it helps a bit.

ScottishThistle · 21/03/2007 14:06

Sounds perfectly normal to me, wait until the terrible 2's kick in then you'll be wondering what you were worried about!

nailpolish · 21/03/2007 14:07

he sounds so adorable

LittleMamaT · 21/03/2007 14:15

DS1 was painfully shy at 18 months - very much how you describe your DS. I had to send him to nursery at this age - just 2 afternoons a week to begin with - as I was returning to work. I was expecting it to be awful but he settled in quickly and now loves going. He's still quite shy and gentle - that's his nature - but so much more confident than before he started there. It really did help.

You could give it a try and see how he reacts - nurseries have settling-in sessions where you stay with the child at first then gradually move away, into the staff room or
another room and then go home for an hour, etc. They build it up slowly and there's no pressure to leave your child until you feel comfortable doing so. If it doesn't work out and he's too upset then I would leave it for now and try again when he's older. He's still very young.

harpsichordcarrier · 21/03/2007 14:18

gosh no, it is way too young to be worrying. if you want him to learn to be more independent and sociable then give him lots of opportunity to practice but in a safe environment i.e. with you, in your house or a friend's house or toddler group.

FrayedKnot · 21/03/2007 14:25

DS was like this at 18months, but at 2 he had to start nursery becaue I was returning to work (he does 5 half days).

Nursery has definitely helped him start to socialise with other children, but in a relatively secure way..groups are small, all is familiar etc. I do notice that when at the park etc he is still sometimes unsure aorund strange children, especially if they are the more boisterous type.

However, I would agree with the otehrs on here, though, no need to start nursery just yet. Ds would have been better off starting at 2.5 I think.

Do you do any activities with your DS outside the home with other children? Music, or Tumble Tots, or similar? I used to take DS to Tumble Tots as really it was the only contact he had with other children (we had just moved and had no friends int he area) and to begin with he hated it when otehr kids even came near him, but after a few weeks he started to get used to it, and was more comfortable with the otehrs being around him.

Original poster

justaphase · 21/03/2007 14:36

He has different activities every day. He loves storytime in the library and music and movement class or just going to the playground. Although he got pushed around by a couple of 2.5 year-old girls in the playground recently so is a little worried when we go there now. He has no siblings, I this explains it partly. But mostly it is just how he is I supppose.

It's just that all his friends the same age are much more outgoing and sociable or even aggressive. He definitely stands out.

OP posts:

ProfYaffle · 21/03/2007 14:49

Dd1 is also very shy, she started going to nursery at 7mo as i returned to work. I became a sahm 6 months later and I noticed a marked change in her behaviour when she stopped nursery, she was definately more clingy and less socially confident.

We decided to put her back into a different, local nursery and it has been fantastic for her, she's so much more confident now. Still relatively shy, that's just part of her core personality, but she doesn't throw a fit every time another child comes near her in the park and will (if she's in the right mood) join in group activities with enthusiasm.

(Didn't know your ds was shy FK, he always struck me as quite sociable, much more than my dd. Although it has been a long time since I've seen him now)

harpsichordcarrier · 21/03/2007 14:53

god I hope this doesn't sound patronising but I honestly don't think you need to worry.
I don't think he sounds shy in a problematic way. he sounds gentle and sweet. there is a lot of time before school. this time next year he can go to preschool and then it will be another two and a half years before he has to go to school. you will be astonished how much he has changed by then without you needing to do anything other than let him be himself in his own time.

LittleMamaT · 21/03/2007 15:10

Please don't worry at all - DS1 is so similar. He's always stood out in groups of friends as the shy/clingy one who's reluctant to join in. But - he's such a gentle, kind boy with a great sense of humour and I've never known him to be aggressive to another child.

Other children seem to like him - he has friends who want to play with him - so I'm less worried than I used to be when he was younger. He's 3.9 now. I thought nobody would notice him and that he'd be left out and end up the lonely little 'billy-no-mates' sitting on his own.

Children are all different and we just have lovely,sensitive little boys who want to stay close to their mummies. We'll be gutted when that changes...

eclipse · 21/03/2007 21:35

justaphase,
you're describing my ds too and we started him in nursery because I had to go back to work and after a few trial days we knew it was all wrong for him. He does now go to a child-minder and he loves her and the other kids like an extended family but he's still a sweet quiet boy who always gets his toys taken from him and cries.

sunnysideup · 21/03/2007 22:42

don't send him! He's a bit young to be labelled 'shy' too, i think - he's a baby, not shy necessarily! Lots and lots of children are not confident in social situations during their pre-school years.

Just absolutely accept him for what and who he is, have faith in him, he will be absolutely fine; his social skills will be developing just from being at home with you, learning how you interact with him, with others, in all sorts of everyday situations.

And don't cross bridges before you come to them, re school; it's a long way off yet.

Just enjoy him!

Cartamandua · 21/03/2007 22:49

If you think it would be worth it, then even 1/2 a day at nursery each week might be good for him. My DS has been going to nursery for half a day, then a day a week for a while now, partly to give him an opportunity to socialise with other babies. I feel that it is a really valuable experience for him. However, at your DS's age this might be a little more difficult now. But my nursery was really accommodation when it came to settling in - I could take him for as many settling in sessions as I wanted, stay with him if I wanted, or watch him on the monitor in their office. Why not look at some local nurseries with him and see how he reacts?

Cartamandua · 21/03/2007 22:49

I meant accommodating!

FrayedKnot · 22/03/2007 19:57

PY, DS really became very shy when we moved here (he was about 17 months wasn;t he?) because we didn;t see anyone at all for the first 2-3 months, whereas obviously he had been used to meeting up with our group, and going to signing class etc etc, before we moved.

At Tumble Tots he would physically freeze when anotehr child came into his "space", and get quite distressed if they touched him - there were one or two boisterous children there and he hated it!

But i persevered because I thought if I gave up things would just get worse, and we couldn;t sit at home doing nothing all week!

Justaphase if you are alrady mixing with lots of otehr children in groups etc I would say it was fine, you'll probably find it really is just a phase!

Flip