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Oh dear ! I got a call this morning from ds's headmistress

21 replies

jampot · 21/03/2007 13:10

It appears yesterday at the end of school someone smelt smoke and upon investigating found a toilet roll and holder smouldering in the upstairs boys toilets, ds had apparently taken some of dh's promotional lighters into school and had shown some of the boys. He obviously decided to take himself off to the bathroom to see what would happen if he set light to the toilet roll. This morning, the Head made a couple of enquiries and it transpired someone said it was ds. SHe called him out and asked if he wanted to tell her anything at which pointg he broke down sobbing and said it was him. Upon further questionning he said he had done it in his bedroom too and

I was so horrified and upset I too cried in her office.

The Head and I have afreed that ds will write a letter of apology to her and will hand over his pocket money on Monday morning to cover the cost of the burned items. He is booked to go tobogganing on Saturday with his friend who invited him, I say he cant go now but dh thinks as the friends mum has paid for it he should go. I really think we cannot reward him at all until it really has sunk in about the enormity of what he has done.

I am devastated

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donnie · 21/03/2007 13:11

how old is he?

amynnixmum · 21/03/2007 13:12

Poor you jampot

jampot · 21/03/2007 13:13

10 and a half.

She was very lovely about it and spun the positive side how no one had been hurt and the school hadnt burned down and how at this age boys really do stupid things to act up to their mates but still.

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flatmouse · 21/03/2007 13:16

I agree with you about no toboganning - but also see your DH pov. Perhaps you could talk to other mum and see if different friend could be invited instead?

At 10.5 perhaps a bit of research into dangers of playing with fire wouldn't go amiss - show the head that he realises the perils of what he was doing.

superloopy · 21/03/2007 13:17

Maybe let him go tabogganing but sit down with him and let him decide on a punishment.

Call you local Fire station and see if they can come to your home and do a fire safety speech that will scare him too.

fairyjay · 21/03/2007 13:19

My dh was a bit of a pyromaniac as a child, and set their toilet on fire!

Not minimising what ds has done, but it's not the end of the world, and may have taught him a lesson.

fairyjay · 21/03/2007 13:20

Funnily enough superloopy I wondered about the Fire Station visit - but then thought that could well be perceived as being a bit of a treat!

themildmanneredjanitor · 21/03/2007 13:22

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Flower3554 · 21/03/2007 13:25

Our ds once rang the fire brigade on a payphone then ran away when the call was answered. He was about 9 or 10 at the time

He was showing off to his pals. He showed them just how stupid he was by staying around the phone and when the brigade arrived his pals dobbed him in.

A couple of the firemen brought him back to our house and proceeded to give him the telling off of his life, with my permission of course, to my knowledge he never attempted anything like this again.

I was absolutely stunned that he would do something stupid that could have cost lives.

You must have felt so awful.

margoandjerry · 21/03/2007 13:34

poor you jampot. I agree with your approach - DEFINITELY no tobogganing. And getting the fire service round is a good idea. A telling off from a third party who is not a teacher or a parent but is in authority really stays with you.

My friend was caught shoplifting at age around 10. She and her mum were called in to the police station - the officer invited the mum to sit down. My friend went to sit down too and he shouted at her "Not you, blondie - you stand there and listen!" She is now 39 and still remembers it!

But please don't worry unduly . Sounds like boyish experimentation to me and you're doing all the right things.

jampot · 21/03/2007 14:11

i spoke to hte fire service and have they logged the incident and will send someone round in the next couple of weeks toget to the bottom of it

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jampot · 21/03/2007 17:52

ds was due to go to his friends after school tomorrow. Ive now said he cant go - dh disagrees. Am I making too big a deal out of this?

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RTKangaMummy · 21/03/2007 18:03

No deffo you are doing right thing

IMHO he should NOT go togbogging

Perhaps he should PAY for another boy to go in his place

SO he loses his money and also he knows another boy is having fun in his place

Also it means that the other parent doesn't lose her money

jampot · 21/03/2007 18:13

ive just switched tv off and asked him to go start his homework - he stomped off saying "you suck" and tghen kicked the door in teh hall - I asked dh to speak to him which he refused to do

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bran · 21/03/2007 18:19

I think your dh should be present for the fire brigade telling off too jampots, he doesn't seem to be taking it terribly seriously. Is he generally quite laid back about discipline?

DumbledoresGirl · 21/03/2007 18:30

A similar thing happened to me when my boys were aged about 8 and 7. Their friends (brothers also aged 8 and 7) came round to our house and unbeknownst to me came with lighter and toilet roll. They then proceded to have a small fire in my sons' bedroom- burning the carpet in the process.

It wasn't even my sons who were the instigators but IMO they were still guilty because they did not attempt to stop their friends. All 4 were due to go to the cinema for ds1's birthday the following week but we cancelled it.

Your situation with the tobogganing is a bit less clear in that you have not paid for it. Nevertheless, I would be disinclined to allow my son to go.

wulfricsmummy · 21/03/2007 20:44

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Blandmum · 21/03/2007 20:47

Totally agree with how you are handling this and I agree that there should be no toboganing.

janeite · 21/03/2007 21:07

I agree with you; disappointed to hear that dh is being unsupportive - the last thing you need is for your son to get mixed messages here. Sounds like you and the headteacher are both taking a really sensible approach to me.

Blossomhill · 21/03/2007 21:23

There is no way I would allow my ds to do either things.
What he did could have ended far more seriously and I think the enormity of it all needs to be made clear.

paddyclamp · 21/03/2007 22:27

Def think you should let someone from the fire service give him a talking to. Toboganning is a difficult one, esp if another child will be disappointed. How special an outing is the toboganning?

Can you not give him a chance to redeem himself between now and sat, but perhaps make him sweat by not giving him your decision till the last minute?

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