Telling your toddler about new baby

[yumeymummy]

Im due to have my second child in 3 mths time. We havent told our 3 yr old son yet as i know hed expect the baby right here and now!! But we are thinking of telling him in the next 2/3 weeks as we want him to still have time to get used to the idea. I was thinking of getting a book that explains what happens when mummy has a baby, when the baby come home etc. Can anyone reccommend one? Also thought id let him come out shopping for the babys bits nearer the time so he feels involved.
Has anyone got any tips on how to make this whole thing easier for my son? I really want him to feel invoved and want to ry to make it as exciting for him as i can xx.

we let ours have some say in naming baby as he will still be older brother after mum and dad have gone.
It is useful to give a time course of when baby could arrive ie after easter, or after somebodys birthday.
We also had the rule that if baby was in basket he must be left alone and not be touched (okay in car seat or elsewhere)

I have a fab one that I have used when having both my girls its called theres a house inside my mummy.
Making it easier depends on your son and the type of child he is. My son was 2.2yrs when I had DD1 and 3.2yrs when I had DD2. His reaction to DD2 was a lot better as he knew what to expect and I told him a lot more of what would be happening etc. As your son is 3 I would explain things to him about how the baby will cry etc. I think I also have a book called I am a brother. Would be willing to sell them both for £5 if you are interested.

The other thing to do is when the baby comes home dont treat hikm any different to normal we made the mistake first time of fussing over DS and he hated it. However do make sure he isnt completely ignored by visitors and as oyu say get him involved. My Ds loves to help me feed DD2 or look after DD1 and I tell him he is special because he is the big brother etc.

I used the same one as Nemo mentioned. DD loved it, asked if mummy could have another baby in her tummy a few days ago while we were cleaning up because she wanted her fav book lol she was 22 months when ds was born.

When the new baby is born, buy your toddler a doll (even though he's a boy) and all the bits that go with dolls, bottle, nappy, etc.

When you are busy with new baby, feeding, changing nappy, whatever, encourage toddler to do the same with his "baby"

I did this a bit, but I know someone who went to town with it and it really worked a treat - she had no jealousy and the todder and her "compared" babies, it was lovely.

Hi,

I bought DS a doll several months before DS2 was due, and we named her, and she came with a bottle. We told him he had to be very gentle with Emma (the doll...)

From quite early on we told DS there was a baby in mummy's tummy so he had plenty of time to get used to the idea....

About 4 months before DS2 was due we moved DS1 into a big bed....

I saw the House in Mummy's Tummy book at the bookshop and thought it looked good but didn't buy it...

He came to visit DS2 and me in hospital and the look on his face when he was holding him was priceless....like what on earth is going on here?

He's been fine with me giving DS2 attention, only really wanting extra attention when I am feeding DS2 by trying to climb on top of me!

DS1 was 30 months old when DS2 was born....

Good luck

Should have added too that after DS2 was born we bought DS1 a present from DS2...

That helped.

If you can try to still spend "special time" with your first. Our stories-before-bed time still seems like DS1's special time, but DS2 is four months old now and likes being involved too!

Good luck

Ds2 was born when ds1 was 3.2 yrs. Also bought "There's a house inside my mummy". Was really interested to the first couple of days but not so much after that. Ds1 was already in a bed but I put up the cot and moved a chair etc into his room when I was 4-5 months pg (he didn't like that much) so he had plenty of time to get used to the altered layout of his room and we talked with him about how he was going to be sharing his room with a new brother, but not too much.
Generally I'd say we didn't talk about how things were going to be different too much. Tbh I didn't want to make him feel insecure about it all beforehand by making too big a thing about how everything would be different and I also didn't know how exactly they would change either.
I went into labour and gave birth early am and my PIL looked after ds1 that day (he was a bit thrown apparently by not finding us in bed that day but delighted to see his gps) and we made sure we were home for bath time. I'd put a pressie from ds2 in the car to carry into the house and dh carried in ds2. Ds1 was SO excited to be getting a gift he didn't pay much attention to ds2 though obviously he did notice him and PIL were able to meet ds2 while we played with ds1 before fast-tracking him to bed.
Ds2 was slotted into ds1's routine from the next day with ds1 getting 15-30 mins with me only first thing and half an hour with dh and me only last thing. I was also quite aware of putting ds2 upstairs for naps and making sure I gave him loads of attention when I could.
There were a couple of occasions where he tried to compete with his new bro for attention but has accepted that there are times where his brother comes first but that I'll concentrate on him if he needs it as soon as I can. (He was ill yesterday, but still waited for me to finish feeding his brother before scooting back onto my lap. He doesn't much like sharing it with ds2.)
I don't know what you're doing regarding a pram, but I bought ds1 a buggy snuggle a month before ds2 arrived. When we inevitably had to buy a double ds1 went with dh to buy it and "helped" assemble it and put in his buggy snuggle. Thought his new pram was fab.
We also keep referring to ds2 as Baby Guy to emphasise the difference between them (suggested by ex-nanny friend).
Ds1 is quite interested in ds2, to a point and enjoys sharing his room I think and generally checks up on Baby G's location location regularly. So I think it's gone quite well so far. Just hope they're mostly friends as they grow up.

It'll be a few more months before I have any experience in having 2, but for what it's worth I read somewhere, that you shouldn't call your baby the 'new' baby as your ds may feel he's being replaced.

Oh, involve him NOW! I bet he has an inkling and you must look different. Do you never talk about the baby in front of him? Do friends, family and neighbours never say anything. I find it really quite odd that you haven't said anything to a three year old (I'm not criticising you btw, just really surprised).
I had my dd when ds was 3.4 and I used the pregnancy as a time to develop a relationship between my ds and his sister. When we sat in bed reading him his bedtime story, I'd say, 'your sister is listening too!' and also if he was saying something I'd say, 'your sister can hear your voice when you talk - she will know you when she is born'. If she got hiccups I'd tell him. At night I'd say goodnight in my normal voice then again, in a tiny high voice, 'Goodnight big brother, I love you', and he'd wish me goodnight and the baby goodnight. When she was born I continued to be the baby's voice 'I love you big brother, you are so lovely and so clever' and 'I wish I could be as good at that as you, big brother' and 'Can I have a kiss? Thank you!'. He loved it! It meant much more to him than anything material (presents from the baby etc) He loved feeling admired and he loved having a baby in the house. He still really loves babies and his 'baby' sister is two now, and they are very close and really love each other.

Oh, and another suggestion in the book I read If you can, try not to hold your baby the first time your ds sees you after the birth, so you'll have your hands free to hug him etc.

Can't help with book recommendations but I agree with squonk about the doll. I had picked the one I wanted when pregnant but it came as a boy/girl option so after I had DD2, DH was sent straight to toys'r'us for the girl version.

Thank you everyone. Theres a few good suggestions there. Altho we havent been told our ds about the baby YET, we know him and know that waiting till now is the right decsion. Ive got him the 'Theres a house in my mummy' book and he loves it and has really taken to it and because weve waited till ive got a bump he said straight away 'oh s there a baby in your tummy mummy?!' and hes thrilled! Hes been fine with it and is looking forward to coming with me to my next antenatal appointment as he hasnt been to one with me before. x