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Parenting

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Original poster

Is pre-school necessary?

50 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 21/06/2017 15:26

I have a son who is 3 years and 3 months and he currently goes to a childminder two days a week and has done since I returned to work when he was 10 months old.

He had a 6 month spate at a nursery about 9 months ago but it got closed down so he went back to a childminder.

He is due to start school next year so I said to my DH I would like to transfer DS into pre-school now so he can be there for 12 months before starting school to get used to the settings and also so he will be mixing with the children he will be going to school with as opposed to going straight from a childminder to a school classroom.

Our local pre-school has no spaces so we have applied for him to start at another one, still pretty local, within the next few months. The only downside is that the start times will cause problems with DH getting to work on time but we've been looking at possible solutions.

However, yesterday I was informed that although the pre-school will take DS he will most likely not get a place at their adjoining infants school because they are not our 'local' school and we are on the very edge of their catchment area.

This is fine, I understand how it works and it just means that when we apply for school places we will put out first choice down as our local Infant school and not the one attached to the pre-school he'll be attending. However, that of course defeats the purpose of sending him to pre-school in order to let him get to know the children he'll be going to school with.....because he won't be going to school with these children.

So now my dilemma is, if that reasoning behind pre-school is no longer viable should I just keep him at his childminders house? Do I really want to take him out his current setting, put him in pre-school and him have to deal with that change for him then to be taken out of that familiar environment and put in a classroom in a school where he has to start from scratch again in terms of getting to know people?

My DH said we just leave him with the childminder until he starts school (especially as it fits around our life better) but then I don't know if that's the best option either?

Really interested in other people's opinions and what their children did in the lead up to school....

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Enidblyton1 · 25/06/2017 20:48

I wouldn't necessarily move him - if you think he is enjoying the current mix of activities. Going to big play groups is giving him experience of a lot of other children.
My DD is exactly the same age and I know she is really ready for proper pre school in September, but all children are different. I'm going to do 2 days pre school and one day child minder though, because she loves going to the child minder so much.
If your DS is laid back, doing a year at a pre school and then moving to a different school with completely different children shouldn't be a problem. My first DD wouldn't have coped well with the change, while my second DD would be one with that. Trust your own judgement - I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here.

Enidblyton1 · 25/06/2017 20:48

*fine with that

InDubiousBattle · 25/06/2017 21:08

I think I'm misunderstanding you op! Where I live (up North)there are private nurseries which are open 7.30-6 and 52 weeks a year and pre schools/school nurseries. These are open 9-3 and only term time. We have a school nursery (attached to ds's probable primary school) but they insisted in dc going every day, with either mornings or afternoons allocated. The pre school ds goes to has mornings and afternoons available with a lunch club tool, so ds goes one full day and one morning now. I think it's valuable in learning how to be part of a class. Several of my friends whose dc go to cm have chosen to send them to pre school too as it's pretty flexible and cheap (ds is £9.90 per session and they accept funded hours).

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InDubiousBattle · 25/06/2017 21:11

What I should have said was could you do 3 days a week cm, so 24 ish hours plus 2 sessions at pre school equalling 30 hours ? With cm doing drop off/ pick up one day and y8u ding it on one of your non working days?

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 21:18

This pre-school is open from 7.30-6pm and the children can either do morning sessions, afternoon sessions or full days. They accept the 15 hours and the 30 hours funding scheme. They prefer set hours but can be flexible on days if needed.

For children who aren't of an age where they get funding the same sessions are available and the price is £4 an hour.

The building consists of the Nursery
Section, the Pre-School section and then the infants/primary school (whatever term you wish to use) is just across the road.

Our plan is for DS to attend Pre-school three days a week from 07.30am until 5.30pm, so three ten hour days.

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Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 21:21

What I should have said was could you do 3 days a week cm, so 24 ish hours.....

Due to our working patterns DS has to be with the CM for 10 hours. We have to drop him off at 7am and then can't pick him up again until 5pm. There's no way we can shorten his days with her because there's nobody else (i.e family) to look after DS during the hours we need childcare.

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RoseVase2010 · 25/06/2017 21:22

My DS attends our village pre-school, he knows many of the children he'll be going to school with and they often have trips to the big school. If things continue the transition to big school will be a smooth seamless event, I'm also able to gradually increase his hours there rather than sudden send him to school 5 days a week.

I don't think it's essential but I think it's good to know other children before you start, but both I and DS have grown up in small villages so I want him to have a similar experience to me.

HSMMaCM · 25/06/2017 21:25

I'm a CM. The children stay with me until they start school. I make sure they are independent and we go out to community groups, so they mix with children they might go to school with and get used to group activities.

If you are happy your CM is preparing your child for school, then stay there.

If you don't think they'll be ready for a group setting at 4/5, then why would you make them do it at 3? It's just putting the same pressure on them younger.

Having said that, pre school can be great for some children and if you feel your dc need it, then go for it.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 21:28

My DS attends our village pre-school, he knows many of the children he'll be going to school with and they often have trips to the big school.

This pre-school does this too - little trips to the school and the teachers come over to the pre-school to get to know the children and vice versa which is why I feel unsure about sending him seeing as the school he'll be visiting and the teachers he will be meeting won't actually be the school he will be attending or the teachers looking after him.

There is a pre-school nearer to us that would increase the chances of him mixing with children he will eventually go to school with but it's only open from 9-3 so it's just not practical.

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MiaowTheCat · 25/06/2017 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PineappleScrunchie · 25/06/2017 21:30

I couldn't find a preschool place for dd until she was nearly 4 and I noticed that the number of children her age at playgroups dropped dramatically (presumably because they were at preschool). So for that reason I was glad when she got a place at preschool and had the chance to socialise with peers more.

InDubiousBattle · 25/06/2017 21:43

With the hours you need I'd stick with the cm. My ds loves pre school and I think it can help with school redness but I think a good cm can do that too. Tbh in a years time ds will leave pre school for the summer and have 6 weeks off- that might as well be six years to a 4 year old! I suppose I would generally prefer a good cm to a nursery so don't see why that would change when they turn 3 IYSWIM? Does your cm go to lots of toddler groups etc? Could she adapt to make things a bit more "school like" for a few months next year- special peg/name tags/book bags?

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 21:43

I couldn't find a preschool place for dd until she was nearly 4 and I noticed that the number of children her age at playgroups dropped dramatically (presumably because they were at preschool).

Completely agree. My DS used to be one of the younger ones at the Playgroups we attend but over the last 6 months I've started to notice that he's now one of the oldest and there aren't many children his age there. He's also the oldest at the Childminder's house too by probably a good 12 months. Like you say, most children my DS's age are going into formalised Nurseries and Pre-schools so he isn't able to socialise with children of his own age group.

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BoraThirch · 25/06/2017 21:55

Do you not pay for the cm at the moment OP? Surely when he gets 30 hours free it will save you money compared to now even if you pay your cm during preschool hours? If you claim 30 hours with the cm and then pay for two mornings at preschool that will be a lot less than you pay for the cm now.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 22:16

He is currently having 15 hours free and will get his 30 free hours in September.

I'm just about to go on Maternity Leave and the money we will be saving on DS's childcare once he's receiving his 30 hours funding has already been allocated to the Maternity Fund. Financially we would struggle if we were paying out extra childcare on top of his hours, at least whilst I'm only getting Maternity Pay anyway. The money we will be saving on his childcare will hopefully enable me to have 9 months off with the baby instead of just 6 months.

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Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 22:20

If you claim 30 hours with the cm and then pay for two mornings at preschool that will be a lot less than you pay for the cm now.

I think I would really miss out on having quality time at home with him too though as I would then only be seeing him for two afternoons between Mon-Fri which is a lot less than I currently see him. Maternity Leave aside I don't really want to put him in childcare on days when I don't need it.

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BoraThirch · 25/06/2017 22:27

I meant paying for two mornings of preschool while he is at the cm.

BoraThirch · 25/06/2017 22:32

If you're going on maternity leave soon surely you will not need any childcare til you go back to work - so April time? So you only need childcare for him for the summer term next year anyway. I'd send him to preschool for a few mornings now.

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 22:36

We had considered that but she wouldn't be able to get DS to the morning sessions until about an hour after they officially started due to the times her other mindees arrive and other toddlers have to be dropped off at pre-schools etc, plus taking her own children to school.

Our CM isn't a local CM so taking our DS to his pre-school would actually be a bit of a hassle for her alongside managing the other mindees and her children's needs too. I did feel bad asking her if it was a possibility but she said it wouldn't be apart from the fact she couldn't get him there on time.

As a result he'd only be at the pre-school for about 2.5-3 hours per session and it just seems like a lot of palaver and unnecessary cost (especially as we will be paying for an hour when he's not even there) just for 5-6 hours of pre-school a week.

Childcare is just a nightmare isn't it!!! Trying to weigh up positives and negatives of different options and then make correct decisions is so stressful

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Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 22:40

Bora - I asked the pre-school about him starting next April when I go back to work but they said all their places are generally full by September as obviously they get all the pre-schoolers come to them for 12 months before starting school. The manager said it is very rare that children drop out mid year to allow extra spaces to suddenly become available during this time as their yearly intake just stays with them until they start school. She said that the only way to really ensure he can have a place is to enrol him on the September intake this year.

Even if we stay with the CM he will still be going to her whilst I'm on Maternity.

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BoraThirch · 25/06/2017 22:51

Is this the local preschool with children he'd be going to school with? Why not send him some mornings from September while you're on ml, then presumably he and baby will need to go to a local cm who can do his school run when you go back to work?

UniversallyUnchallenged · 25/06/2017 23:03

Kids meeting and playing - absolutely essential. Friends, siblings or pre-school doesn't matter which way. Being with other adults, sharing, caring absolutely. Again how this is provided is immaterial. If they find this hard, even more important that it happens. However again it's how, not stressed out unhappy kids (or parents). There isn't an answer to how. I wish I'd applied a bit more of my own philosophy. We are all so desperately trying to always do the best, it's hard as there isn't an answer, when you think you're winning something trivial can floor you. I over analyze, know it, account for it, but still do it.
Someone on here replied to me 'you care, you try, keep going, keep trying- you're doing it,' sage advice I try to remember and give. 'There's no answer that lasts to questions like this, things evolve, change, grow- your job it to try to keep up

UniversallyUnchallenged · 25/06/2017 23:05

Though also appreciate that swishy washy nonsense, you want an answer. Listen, think then do 'it' - then keep following previous advice!!!

Original poster

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 23:11

Is this the local preschool with children he'd be going to school with?

No it's not - we aren't in the catchment area for the infants school so when he does start school he would be with completely new children anyway. This is one of the main reasons I'm thinking that sending him to this particular pre-school won't be overly worthwhile. The local pre-school that feeds into the school DS will be going to doesn't have any places.

When he does start school we will be using the before and after school club that runs on two or three of his school days when I'm working and for the other days I will be taking him and picking him up myself.

Our plan is for the baby to be placed with the CM that my DS is currently with.

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Xmasbaby11 · 25/06/2017 23:22

We are sending dd2 to preschool in sept. 3 days a week the childminder will take and pick her up and we'll pay for nearly a whole day. It does mean that were not a whole lot better off with the 30 free hours but I think it's a better experience for dd2.

We didn't send dd1 to preschool as it was too inconvenient and messy but she was in private nursery. I do regret it as she struggles with instructions and the classroom situation. Also had no concept of homework, doing writing and reading as it wasn't pushed at nursery. She is fairly behind now in reception. However she struggled at nursery so may not have been any better at preschool.

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