Where am I going wrong with the house work and having a 11 month old.

[peskisaurus]

I am feeling like I'm fucking everything up with regards looking after a baby and a house. I know it's not all my job and being at home doesn't mean I need to do all the housework etc but I'm getting nothing done. So, to give you an idea, here's my day so far:
7 am got up (baby awake at 11:30pm, 3 am and 5am). Made baby and 5yr old breakfast. Got everyone ready for school run. Put load of washing in.
9am: return from school run. Baby asleep in car seat so leave her be and make my own breakfast. About to clean bathroom but had a phonecall.
9:45 - go out to group with baby
12 - return, make lunch, feed baby, watch baby. I manage to hang up the washing because baby in travel cot.
2 - play with baby. Manage to clean a bit of bathroom but have to stop as baby emptying out the bin and trying to eat everything.
Now- about to leave for school run. Baby will have nap.
4 - return from school run. Will have an awake baby and starving child. Make dinner with baby screaming in high chair.
5:30/6 - eat
7 - bedtime
8 - collapse shattered.

Even as I type this my baby is screaming at me because I've put her in the cot. Do I just need to get a grip and tidy/clean all evening or do most people put their baby down and ignore it and clean the kitchen etc?

I'll be back but need to go for school run.

Try a sling? Or failing that a playpen for ten minutes? I've taken to cleaning the bathroom while showering (a MNet tip). I also get the hoovering done by playing 'Hoover monster' and chasing them. The kitchen I tend to do when they are eating.

I think most babies that age would get put down after lunch for a couple of hours for a nap. That would give you some spare time.

Clean bathroom whilst kids are in bath.

I clean kitchen, empty dishwasher and make a start on our dinner whilst kids eat theirs.

After dinner they go in the lounge with telly on whilst i do any other downstairs bits, including hoovering. The lounge itself i do after they are in bed.

5 year old tidies all toys away.

Personally - and I know this won't be popular - I'd get up at 5 and go to bed at 8 just whilst this hideous phase works it's way out.

Or, do an hour 8 - 9.

My DC4 dropped her nap at 10 months old. I was really upset because it is what kept me sane.

It's really tough but it WILL get easier to manage.

Mine went through a phase like this! It passes. Now I struggle to keep her mitts off 'helping' (!!) these are a few things I tried:

1. If you have a DH/DP, show them a day's schedule. Can they help? Honestly.
2. I got my mum round 2 hr a week and BLITZED the place. DD loved the play time.
3. We bought a roomba to hoover and did laundry overnight (or pop it in 7pm on 1 hr cycle then hang out on an airer bedtime - or pop in the dryer).
4. Developed slightly very low standards for a year or so.

...my mum did the playing, I didn't use her as an unpaid cleaner! She had a cake and spoilt DD.

I'm on mat leave at the min, 10 year old is obvs at school but 2 year old and 6 month old are here. When I clean I put some toys out for the toddler and the baby of not asleep goes in the high chair or playpen and I leave them to it whilst I crack on (and keep an eye on them of course). I can't abide a messy house so do this every day and they are fine. Bloody hate cleaning though so roll on getting back to work and my cleaner back

I had a velcro baby and she was scared of the hoover. In fact at 2.5 she's still very attached and doesn't really like the hoover...
DH cleaned the bathrooms and hoovered at weekends, while I did all laundry and cooking/kitchen cleaning throughout the week.
Basically in the first 18m of her life the housework took a drastic back seat and now I'm starting to do bits and bobs more regularly.
However the only way I can achieve this is by letting her watch Peppa or Paw Patrol and then I can get loads done.

Oh DD2 hated the hoover too, but i just said a cheery hello to it every time it came out and hoovered anyway, didn't take her long to realise it wasn't anything to worry about. She likes having a go with it now

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting children watch some tv, only on MN is this a bad thing!

We have a cleaner once a fortnight to blitz the place. My husband does a quick clean, tidy and sort dishwasher etc when I go and put the children to bed. On days the toddler is at nursery and I just have the baby I do what I can with laundry etc but when both are at home I do very little unless the toddler gets engrossed in a game Peppa

Just yep haha Mr Tumble is my sous-chef or we'd never eat

My DD only likes "Henry" hoovers and roombas. Both of which we now own for obvious reasons.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. It is full on when you have small children, so don't be hard on yourself. Nothing to add, other than housework isn't important, loving your children and playing with them is.

My 12 month old doesn't nap or sleep at night so like you am constantly shattered. When I need to do stuff I leave him in his play pen with toys and a drink and the tv on while I do it. I check on him every so often. He is totally happy in there and I have become very good at speed cleaning and tidying!

I used to take our children to the park on a Saturday morning while my husband cleaned. I think it's impossible to clean while there are small people roaming about. I find cooking tea with them hard enough.

I have 3 under 5, one the same age as you and I think the only thing that would make your life easier (bar a cleaner) is reorganising the nap. So try and aim for an early lunch brunch for the baby and then a nap at home. So, give the baby lunch as the end of toddler group, and drive home pronto before depositing them in bed. That way you'll get a good couple of hours before school run.

My baby of the same age naps either 10 -12 and 4-4.45 or 12-2.30. Either way I get plenty of spare time to do stuff x

Gosh, thanks you lovely people for the time you spent reading/replying. I'd a bit of a better day this morning while the baby napped for a couple of hours so I was able to tidy/sort some of the bedrooms.

Some great advice here but, to be honest, I've tried a lot of it. However, maybe I'm just not trying hard enough? For example baby-wearing. I've tried doing things with the baby in the Moby wrap. She loves the new perspective she gets but I need to do everything one handed as she can fling herself backwards out of the thing so need to hold her. Also, she really enjoys pulling the washing off the line and thinks Mummy is playing the most amazing game. Do I have an overly active baby or are they always like that and I just need to accept that the ten min job is actually an activity for the baby and will take 30mins rather than something to do as quickly as possible?

Cleaning the bathroom when the kids are in the bath or me in the shower is great but doesn't work in practice. When baby is in the bath she's likely to standup suddenly or do something equally dangerous so I need to be always sitting at the bath to grab her. When I have a shower it's literally five mins while the baby is in the play pen - I don't have time to clean the bathroom afterwards (even a two minute wipe down) beyond spraying the shower screen spray. I may start doing it while I do my teeth as it's a good idea to try and combine it with being in there anyway.

And I wholeheartedly agree that happy/healthy children are more important than housework but I really am talking about the bare minimum here. Kids need clean clothes, clean dishes and hygienic floors. I just don't think it's fair to my DH that he needs to do it all when he comes in (and believe me, he does do it happily but I'd like to do some of it!)

Thanks again and I am about to google roombas!

Could you afford a cleaner two hours a week, or a fortnight even? Bathroom, kitchen and floors could be done in that time?

I do most of my cleaning at the weekend when DP is home 😬

I always clean the bathroom after Lo's in bed because of the chemicals. Pretty much everything else they 'help' with. For example they love pulling the washing out of he washing machine and into the basket, and from there putting it on the line.

You may also need to adjust your expectations- for example doing the washing takes way, way longer than it used to, and I have to spend a couple of minutes after it's done putting the bits back on the line they've pulled off and put back in the machine but at least they're happy and it's done.