Feeling like a useless Mum

[Rachie1986]

So this morning started ok, taking 3yo DD to nursery on my way to work as I do frequently.

Then said toddler had a tantrum and wouldn't stop crying (common problem ATM) and then I lost it, screaming and crying and just being a hideous person, let alone mum.

I just feel she would be better off with just DH as a single parent than having him and then the crap that is me as a mother.

I can't talk to anyone else about it, not very close to any friends that have children (there aren't many). I just feel like I'm failing her.

You're doing great. Toddlers can be awful sometimes. Please don't beat yourself up over it.

OP just remember some days are wonderful and others not so much.

Try not to dwell on it and move on.

Learn from your reaction and have a nice cuddle and books tonight.

Mine used to scream like she was being murdered if it was hair washing time, bed time, anything she didn't fancy time. This too shall pass.

You sound really stressed, working and having a toddler is hard!!
Is there a way of building a bit of stress relief into your week? Might be worth talking to dp and seeing what you can come up with.

Thank you for your lovely replies.

It is stressful but I'm only part time so it should be manageable.

No time to de-stress at the moment as I start exam marking for the exam board on Weds so that's a few weeks of high busy-ness. Ho hum

Thanks again xx

Same situation here. I'm hoping this phase will pass without any permanent psychological damage to my son or me. :-( x

That's what worries me jam, I'm so scared of messing her up.. her having issues because I've been so anxious.

I have anxiety too, which obviously isn't helping!

Could you work on some kind of distraction technique to enable yourself to ride out the tantrums without being drawn in? I used to sing a lot when dd was at that stage, because you can't sing and shout at the same time.

I had some issues with depression and anxiety and being a secondary teacher (are you something similar?) round exam time made it flare up massively.

You haven't mentioned anything like that, but it does sound like it's a stressful time.

In all seriousness, you sound like you could do with talking to someone -not suggesting a shrink, more a trusted friend or just someone to vent - or perhaps some self care like yoga or mindfulness.

We all have awful awful days, and sometimes "a vent is as good as a break".

OOps missed your last post.

In which case - sounds like a flare up. Not you. Your illness.

Took me by surprise when I went back for my first exam season.

agree - toddlers are annoying - especially the first one, but it's always worse when my general stress levels are higher. One lesson I've learned: never judge yourself or your DC by one bad day - tomorrow is another day. Decide upfront if DC does X, Y consequence will happen and take the thinking and the reaction out of it - you're in control. They do eventually grow out of it!

Toddlers are hard work. Give yourself a break!

You lost it once, it happens but they will be fine.

Thank you for all being so kind. I really appreciate it.

Today has been better. Phew

Hi rachie. You're not a bad mum - bad mums yell at their kids and don't give it a second thought. You've got a lot in your plate and toddlers are trying at the best of times. Getting a toddler to nursery and yourself to work is often the most stressful part of the day and it's easy for tempers to flare - I speak from experience!

When I feel myself starting to lose my temper I find it helps to keep things under control by voicing what I'm feeling: E.g. that I'm starting to lose my patience or I'm upset that DD is making a mess that I have to clean up. It tends to calm me down and my toddler often senses from my tone that she should stop whatever she's doing wrong.

You are definitely not a bad mum. Sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment and we're all allowed to slip from "perfect mum" persona. Your dd will have forgotten about this already so don't beat yourself up

It happens to us all sometimes. I lost it at my two this morning when we were late for school. I like what someone else said about not judging yourself for one bad day - going to try and remember that one.

Hopefully they'll grow out of the tantrums. I'm still waiting! xD

My children are a little bit older, 11, 8 and 6, but not old enough that I can't remember being absolutely at the r d of my tether. Not just when I had three either! I am not proud of how often I seriously lost it, but they are all lovely children and despite my guilt, seem just fine. Hang on in there.

Keep telling yourself, 'It's a phase!' Honestly we all had or still do have times like this. Some days they themselves don't know why they're crying or what would make it all better so how can we have all the answers!

Thank you lovely people. I appreciate your responses x