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Original poster

5 is too young for sleepovers....isn't it??

28 replies

zephyrcat · 20/03/2007 14:32

DD has a friend at school who is just an absolute nightmare. She is so unbelievably bolshy and bossy. She rules the roost at home. Punches her mother and has punched dd in the throat at school. They are friends though and dd has been to her house a few times to play and twice has gone for a sleepover. I wasn't too keen on the sleepover idea but dd was quite excited. The first time she came home with a bug and headlice. The second time she came home with severe tonsillitis and was absolutely shattered where the girl had kept her awake half the night.

Anyhow. Whenever I go to school to get dd this girl is in my face "You said I could come to your house for a sleepover" "When am I sleeping at your house?"

I don't want her to!! I think they are too young for sleepovers. They get overexcited and don't sleep for one thing!! Plus I have 2yo ds and 11month old dd2 to deal with whereas the girl is an only child. How do I keep fobbing them off without sounding rude?

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Mercy · 20/03/2007 14:37

I would say something along the lines of what you've already said here - "maybe when you are both older" type thing.

I think 5 is a bit young as well - unless you know the parents fairy well.

Good luck

pepsi · 20/03/2007 14:43

I would do it if it were family........although having said that we did when my niece was 6 and by 10.30 we were driving her home. I just have her over for tea or something. My niece (8) went on a sleepover with 4 girls the other week, the host was alseep by 9.30 and the other 3 were awake until 1.30 am. Great fun for them but Im too mean to loose my sleep.

Biglips · 20/03/2007 14:43

i remember when i had a sleepover at my best friends house when i was 8 and that was my first one

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northerner · 20/03/2007 14:44

I think you should return teh favour actually if your dd has been to hers twice.

Original poster

zephyrcat · 20/03/2007 14:45

I could cope with it when she's 8 I think, sounds a bit more reasonable! I feel sorry for dd as well, she wants to do it but she can't handle late nights and early mornings, she needs a good sleep and they keep her up til 9-10pm and then the friend is up by 6:30...dd can't handle that!!

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Mercy · 20/03/2007 14:50

I missed the bit that your dd had been to the other girl's house - I think you probably should return the favour and then not let it happen again.

How about suggesting that a sleepover takes place during the school holidays - more time to recover then.

RainbowWalker · 20/03/2007 14:58

Don't think you can play the "they're too young" card if dd has already been there for a sleepover twice.

Instead though I think you're well within your rights to speak to the Mum and say you hope she understands if you'd rather not at the moment as you have younger children to consider. But don't keep fobbing them off as she's obviously expecting she's coming to you soon.

It sounds like your real reason is the child herself but you needn't say that of course! As an only child she's obviously in need of some company so maybe Mum'll invite other girls over and then she'll get her sleepover elsewhere?

Original poster

zephyrcat · 20/03/2007 16:47

I think I might be able to get away with the too young thing after the last time because it totally wiped dd out. My problem is more with the friend than the actual sleepover I guess - but as you say, I'm not going to say that to her! I didn't want DD to go to sleep there in the first place but she asked dd rather than me and then went on and on and on about it in a way that made it difficult to keep thinking of excuses.

I guess I'm going to have to have her over at some point. Am dreading it though. Being pg as well as 3 little ones sleep is a precious thing!!!

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RainbowWalker · 20/03/2007 17:01

Oh Zephyrcat... don't feel obliged!
If you don't want her over you shouldn't have to.
And now you've said you're pg as well as having your other children to look after I'm sure the Mum should understand and respect your decision and explain it to her dd...

As you've said your sleep is precious - be tough!

pointydog · 20/03/2007 17:13

I don;t think 5 is necessarily too young. But if you don't want one, definitely don;t be coerced into it!

Boco · 20/03/2007 17:16

maybe you should return the favour, but be really strict - lights out at seven, no talking, make it as little fun as possible so that she'll never ask again!

RainbowWalker · 20/03/2007 17:18

LOL at 'make it as little fun as possible' Boco!

I've definitely been guilty of doing that myself in the past!

Sugarmagnolia · 20/03/2007 18:03

I don't think 5 is too young if you are close with the other parents, like the other child and don't have too much else on your plate. But it doesn't sound like any of these conditions apply in your case! And if you're pg as well I don't think you should even feel obliged to have her back to yours.

Maybe you could try explaining to the other mum that you just feel like you have too much on your plate at the moment (maybe exagerate some pregnancy-related lack of sleep/stress/whatever?)- you're very sorry but you just don't feel up to it? Maybe as a bit of a peace offering you could have the girl round for dinner - let her bring her pjs and have a bath with your dd then go home around 7 in her pjs and slippers?

Kelly1978 · 20/03/2007 18:06

I think 5 is too young. DD keeps asking, also with a very bolshy friend. Luckily both the mohter and I agree, that no way, until they are much older. I would lay it on about the younger two, and tell the little girl that the baby often wakes during the night and so she can stay over when the baby gets a bit bigger.

Original poster

zephyrcat · 20/03/2007 18:10

lol @ 'make it as little fun as possible' I was planning on that

The thing is, with ds and dd2 going to bed between 6&7 they couldn't be upstairs making noise anyway, they'd have to go to bed!

Another issue I have is that both times she has had dd to stay there, they have been ill and not told me and dd has come home very ill and given it to the others. And she came home with headlice because she brushed her hair with her dd's brush etc without thinking to tell me that she had them . DS is waiting to go into hospital for a tonil and adenoidectomy and the slightest illness means it gets cancelled - which is what happened last time. I wish I had the nerve to be honest and tell her that I can't have that but will probably think of some feeble excuse.

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Original poster

zephyrcat · 20/03/2007 18:12

I think I might do that. Next time she yells at me in front of everyone that she wants to sleep over I'll just say to her - hopefully with her Mother there that it's just a bit difficult as dd2 wakes up a lot in the night etc and they'll leave me alone!! God I feel mean but she is one little madam!!

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Kelly1978 · 20/03/2007 18:14

Oh, it's not being mean, or feeble - it's letting her down gently

Blu · 20/03/2007 18:15

I would say to the Mum "thanks so much for having DD, I would love to return the invitation but with smaller children we simply don't have the roomm in the house. Also, DD can't handle the excitement and late nights. Actually, if I'm telling the truth, with a baby it's ME who can't afford to lose the beauty sleep. So instead of a sleepover could we invite your DD to a modest, short-duration and cheap outing?"
Obviously the outing will be described a little differently.....

Address it with the mother, not the child. Once and for all!

Blu · 20/03/2007 18:17

And if she says 'oh, don't worry your dd can come to ours for the night' repeat the 'late nights' business with some detaiol about keeping her fit and not tired because of the tonsil business.

She will think you are over-fussy, but who cares?

brandy7 · 20/03/2007 18:19

doesnt matter that your daughter has been for sleepovers before, you do not have to return the favour. not realistic with 2 little ones in bed and being pregnant as well. just say no and have a word with the mother, apologise and say youll have her for tea till about 9pm then ask her to collect her.

my 12year old has sleepovers at friends and i dont return the favour as my 2.5year old would be woken up with all the noise. eldest doesnt like it, but thats tough. the parents are very understanding and agree that its not practical at the moment

Blu · 20/03/2007 18:19

(I'M not meaning to imply that I think you are over fussy!!)

indiajane · 20/03/2007 18:20

once it's agreed with the mum tell the little girl quite clearly and firmly that this is what's happening and it's going to be instead of a sleepover because, with a baby in your tummy, you're too tired to have extra children to stay the night.

Sometimes it's better to be very clear, say it with a smile on your face but in a "this is not open for discussion" tone of voice. Once she's got the message she should leave you alone.

Good Luck!!

Original poster

zephyrcat · 20/03/2007 18:22

I am though really... ourely because I can't face her dd If she was a quiet, friendly girl it mightn't be quite as bad but she is quite the opposite and bosses dd around no end! I think she'd actually be quite shocked if she came here and realised that she can't do as she does in her house. This is a 5 year old who punches her own Mum and gets away with it!

OP posts:

manuka · 20/03/2007 18:27

That girl sounds absolutely awful! especially the punching thing! She needs that super nanny woman to sort her out before she ends up with a string of asbo's!!!!!
I think if you don't like her, don't have her in your house. Easy for me to say!!!

daisy1999 · 20/03/2007 18:44

I wouldn't have accepted for my dd to sleep over if I wasn't prepared to return the favour.

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