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Original poster

3rd baby?

18 replies

BonApp · 14/06/2017 12:31

I'm 80/20 against having another baby so I don't know why I'm posting. DH doesn't want one and that's pretty much our joint stance but I can't shake off that other 20%...

It makes no sense for us to have another other than some romantic notion on my side that it would be fun to have 3 (or even 4) . Another bundle of love to love.

TBH I can't face the thought of doing pregnancy and the first 2 years again, plus the age gap between dc2 and dc3 would be bigger than I'd like, but then maybe that is a bit of a non-issue. And I'm 37 and feel like I'm just getting my body and head back (youngest is 3). Financially we are ok now but suspect we'd feel the pinch with another as they all get older plus more childcare needed etc.

A few close friends have just had babies and for some it's no3 and they always seemed set on 3 and I feel envious that it was an easy and expected decision for them. And envious that they'll have a big busy family.

I know I'm being totally rose-tinted about all this but it's doing my head in.

Gah.

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Pickerel · 14/06/2017 12:35

My DC3 was by far the hardest of the three - mainly because he was a terrible sleeper. The early years were hard. But now they're all at primary school and it's great fun having three!

katiegg · 14/06/2017 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellomarshmallow · 14/06/2017 12:45

When they're older you'll have a house full of their friends too, so you may have the busy family you want!

I think it depends how you grew up, how many siblings you have, expectations. its hard to shake the hormonal urge to have babies too in my experience!!

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Original poster

BonApp · 14/06/2017 16:39

Hmm my 2nd has always been and still is a terrible sleeper and at times it's nearly ruined me.

I don't want to be running around after a 2 year old when I'm 40.

I know holidays and lifestyle choices (important to us) will be trickier with 3. As will cars and logistics for schools (clubs, activities, play dates).

It really makes no sense at all but I'm envious of my friends who now have a full on gang.

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Original poster

BonApp · 14/06/2017 16:42

My two play beautifully together at the mo, they are lovely together (5.5 and 3). The thought of adding to that is great. And I think because I'm finding them more interesting to be around at this age I think maybe I want to preserve it all for a bit longer....

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Gildedcage · 14/06/2017 16:56

I have three. All close together. In the main it's great but, while no3 was a fantastic baby she has been a nightmare from 2. I don't see her ever changing. Massively hard work not necessarily because there are three of them but the 3rd totally changed the family dynamic. Also loads more washing and literally everything is expensive. School uniform etc is a nightmare

Lovelongweekends · 14/06/2017 17:03

Dc3 is by far the hardest of my three, doesn't sleep, very clingy. I love her to bits but if she had been dd1, she would have been an only child!!!

tinypop4 · 14/06/2017 17:06

I feel exactly the same as you op only I'm 32. I have 2 great kids, hate baby stage, really glad to leave behind bottles and sleepless nights but a tiny percentage of me can't let it go.
No wise words but following and hope you come to the right decision for you

Original poster

BonApp · 14/06/2017 17:08

Changing the dynamic puts me off too. I do love what we have now, but the thought of my dc loving another sibling is lovely too.

Though I think my dc2 would not make a good middle child.

DH says no anyway. He is often the voice of reason.

OP posts:

susannahmoodie · 14/06/2017 19:28

I'm exactly the same as you OP.

I'm 33, 2 boys age 6 and 3, feel like we have got through the really tough bit, about to have a massively reduced childcare bill and can't face the thought of pregnancy and no sleep BUT still obsess over whether to go for it or not. Also have lots of friends who have....

I don't know what the answer is......

LittleMouseontheDairy · 15/06/2017 20:23

Same as you op! I'm 38 though, turning 39 in Aug and I do not want a baby after 40 so am feeling the pressure (entirely my own pressure) to make a decision!!
I always wanted 3 (one of three myself) and most likely if circumstances had been different and I'd met my DH when I was a bit younger I would have. My two DS are 5 and 1. Just getting my body and sanity back. The thought of pregnancy and the newborn stage makes me weary... and DH is happy to stick at two.
But...
gah.

Treesinbloom · 15/06/2017 20:31

I'm the same (2 boys aged 5.5 and 3) and thinking about a 3rd... except in our case it's DH who really wants one and I don't. I'm slightly tempted but am put off by pregnancy and the first 2 years plus all the added complications of having 3.

I was tempted all last year but I'm too afraid of having another awful sleeper (2 so far!)

InDubiousBattle · 15/06/2017 21:39

Watching with great, sad interest op. I want a third and dp doesn't. His reasons are completely sensible, reasonable and valid. There are lots of reasons why we shouldn't have another and I have accepted it in a logical sense but the feeling hasn't gone away. I just can't help wanting another. I need to find a way to make that broodyness go away!

lorisparkle · 15/06/2017 21:50

We've got 3 and whilst I don't regret it I am finding that as they get older it is getting more difficult. I loved having 3 little ones, tiring but fun, but now I have 1 going to secondary, 2 at primary and going to work, life is hectic. 3 lots of homework, 3 lots of reading, 3 lots of multiple clubs and activities, etc. Food and equipment is getting more expensive, space is getting really tight and from what I have heard 3 lots of emotional teenager trauma is going to be even harder. I am lucky my DM is fantastic but DH is not so. Weirdly I still have the urge for a fourth but sit myself down and have a stern word with myself!

SuperBeagle · 15/06/2017 21:51

I think number 3 changes the dynamic more than number 2. It's the child that means you'll often end up needing the bigger car, the bigger house etc.

Also the middle child thing is something to consider, IMO because all of the middle children I know have issues that presents issues of its own.

But I have 4 now.

Misty9 · 16/06/2017 00:07

I'm a middle child and always swore I'd not have three...but those damn hormones got me and we may have a happy accident on the way. Dh was adamant he didn't want another but is softening to the idea. I don't do pregnancy very well and can't decide if I'll be disappointed if I'm not pregnant. Hormones! They're to blame for everything!

Aquamarine1029 · 16/06/2017 13:00

Honestly, I think 2 is enough. I have 2 and I am SO GLAD I didn't have any more. I'm now in my early 40s with a 17 and 20 year old. I love my kids, but it's also VERY nice to now have time to focus on my own future. I loved having babies, and every time I see one my heart melts but that isn't a valid reason to keep having more kids. Also, if your husband says he absolutely doesn't want another you have to respect his decision. Surprising him with a 3rd would be a huge mistake.

Pinksink · 16/06/2017 14:08

I have 3 and no 3 was not planned though we'd never said we wouldn't have a third. He is 20 months, an absolute delight and even easier than the other two who weren't difficult babies (now 7 and 10) BUT it has still been exhausting having a third and whilst i wouldn't change him for anything id never have chosen my current circumstances. My life is a juggling nightmare trying to keep everyone happy!!

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