Is work still a mans world?

[ABC123000WTF]

Work full time in a managerial position, 3 kids under 5, just returned after 6 months MAT leave.
You would never have a man turn up to work with sick on their shoulder, late because the kids shit themselves as you left the house or phone in to say sorry I can't come in coz the kids are sick or can I work 4 days coz I really need that extra day at home to get the house straight because I haven't got any clean pants coz we are drowning in dirty washing. And if they do, I can guarantee they are not at director level. So ladies are the director jobs just for the men or women who either have a house husband, / stay at home dad (not trying to cause any offence) or no children? Or is it possible to have it all? The directorship, and the family, both having a career? I would really love to know your experience of being a working mum trying to juggle family and a career? Do you really believe we have equal opportunities? Also, your experience of returning to work after MAT leave? Did you return to the same job and company? How did you find it? Sometimes I think we have very equal opportunities as men and women, then I see we are still living in MAN = hunter gatherer WOMEN= look after the home! Have we really evolved???

Pre dd I would have said " of course things have changed and women can have it all, they just need to be assertive".

Post dd I realise that is utter rubbish.

Its a constant battle - whether that's with unsympathetic managers (who have home counties wives safely squirrel-ed away at home) or
childless colleagues who think it will never happen to them (until it does).
Or other parents twisting the guilt knife (usually only to appease their own neuroses).
Or partners/husbands who want an easier life with a SAHP (amazing how many previously feminist-leaning men change their tune when its their own career that's compromised).

And it isn't just 'directorships' - many, many women are pushed out all kinds of work through the costs of childcare, partners who won't compromise, long commutes and few flexible employment opportunities.

Deep down, a large part of the population still thinks women should stay home and look after the kids. And that's why we still have laws, jobs, childcare costs and an education system that reflect that.

Pre dd I would have said " of course things have changed and women can have it all, they just need to be assertive".

Post dd I realise that is utter rubbish.

This. I went for a job interview last week. A lot of it centred around how I would look after my kids whilst working (irregular hours so it would be challenging). I doubt I'd have been asked the same questions if I was a father!

I'd like the job. I could do the job. I doubt I'll get the job.

You are right it's not just directorships it's careers in general that are compromised as a direct result of the stigma attached to being the mum. That is why i didn't take more than 6 months MAT leave so as not to damage my career and the cost of childcare is more than my salary but if I took the time out it would be too damaging to the long term career.
My mother was told in the 80s that she couldn't have a promotion coz her bosses wife couldn't cope with 2 kids at home let alone working full time so she couldn't have the job! Judging by your responses I would say this hasn't changed much! I hope they surprise you and you do get the job. They don't appreciate that as a working mother you work harder than the other assholes that don't have a point to make!!

Sadly I don't think it has changed. Maybe in some industries.

There's still a massive stigma to working part time, and there's still an expectation that women are going to be the ones to drop everything when the kids get ill.

Sorry, I don't understand. Why can't a man phone in to say they can't come in because the kids are sick? Why would they not need a day off to deal with household chores but a woman would?

I'm not saying that's not how it often works in reality (it is) but I don't see why that's the workplace's fault. As opposed to the male parent failing to take their fair share of the responsibility.

I'm a consultant surgeon, my husband is a director. Both work full time. He's far more likely to take a day off due to ill children than I am. Less likely to come in covered on puke but that's because I do drop off in the morning. I found returning after mat leave fine. I did only take 4 months though, but don't think it would have been much more difficult if I'd had longer. So personally I think that yes, you can have it all. But then I'm totally happy with using full time childcare and don't feel any guilt about that, which I understand isn't the same for everyone.

I agree baby hamster.
We've ended up with a much more 1950s set up than I ever expected, but my husband still works a 'short' day once a week and basically does all the time off work because the kids are sick.

When he asked for a short day his employer literally said 'thats what wives are for' but he still got his request approved.

Depends on the job and on the husband. One of dd's friends' dad asked to be passed over for promotion when it turned out one of his children had health issues: he wanted to be sure he did not end up in a situation where he could not take time off to see to her needs.

Dh took a day's unpaid leave a week when dc were little precisely so I would be able to build up my portfolio. (Admittedly it then went pear-shaped when dd became disabled, but that was not normal).

I can't return to my management job because there isn't the childcare available that will cover my hours. Well I could but ....

1. My dh would stay home - he has offered but he can't do anything and look after baby, so on top of working at least 70 hours + commute id have to handle the house work too. This would mean divorce killing him and not a family life and I'd be resentful of having to handle everything

1. Hiring a live-in nanny on very long hours which would wipe out income and we don't have the space for one.
2. My mother retiring and wanting to do all the childcare

So until the point that mum retires and is happy to do some of the school wrap around care I'll be working a part time job that is well below the level I'm on maternity leave from. Then it'll be the battle to get taken seriously at my previous level/ retrain at something else.

Would you ever hear a man say "I can't go back to work because my DW can't handle looking after the baby AND doing the housework"??!!

Bar disability or other extenuating circumstances it just...doesn't happen.