Upset at what I saw on the playground

[wrigglytoes]

Just after some advice on how to deal with this. Dropped Ds2 (9) off at school this morning. The children don't line up, parents drop them off and they either go straight into school or play outside unsupervised until time to go in (some parents do stand there, other drop and go, some wait in car). We usually get there just in time for ds to run straight into school and I drive off.

This morning we were early so I parked right outside school where I could see and he ran onto the playground over to a group of boys in his year and the year above. They immediately started shoving him (not violently) but each of them in turn shoving I'm, until they pushed him into a bench where he was bent backwards over it. I was in the car with ds3 (3 months) and was about to get out of the car to do something, when the bell rang and they all ran in.

The problem is he doesn't have any real friends, he tends to flirt between person to person and he is the youngest in the year and quite immature for his age anyway. I've told him not to go over to these boys and to stick with other children who are less physical but he always seems to be drawn to them.

I've spoken to the teacher about this before when there was a violent incident but they do t tend to take it that seriously. Am I overreacting? I know I can't make people be his friend and I'm not sure what I can ask the school to do?

I've tried getting him to join clubs but he goes a couple of times then says he doesn't want to. He just wants to play computer games. He doesn't play out as there are no other children in our road which is quite busy anyway.

Any advice would be appreciated thanks.

No, you're not over reacting.Describe exactly what you saw to a teacher, today.

Depending on size of school, I would be ringing them now, and asking to see Head shortly before end of school.

Regardless of who your son is, whether he makes friends or has social difficulties, the behaviour you witnessed was unacceptable, and reads ,as you've described it here, as group bullying. The school have a duty to address this, and most schools will want to. Don't get side tracked onto who/how your son is.
Its their behaviour needs addressing. As calmly as you find possible.

Thank you, it's hard to think rationally about it when you just want to cry and throttle the lot of them!

I would have a word too. This would really upset me. I think I need to develop a thicker skin!

Oh, I can empathise with that!
Get in there today- ime once you've seen your DC, they may ask you not to speak to school, and then you're in a bug t of a cleft stick. Even though as an adult you know you owe it to your child to stand up to bullies.

Also, so much harder/impossible for school to investigate once even a couple of days have passed.
Good luck.

I would also phone school, tell them what you saw and asked them to investigate.

I would also restrict computer games if that is all he wants to do. I have a 10 year old. He is not compelled to stay at something he doesn't enjoy but if he gives it up I ensure it is not replaced by TV and computer games.

Is there a local park he can go to after school with you. We have one where lots of kids hang out ( with parents to be clear) or someone he could invite over to develop friendships?

If he is struggling with friends it is also worth a chat with the teacher about that too.

That is awful and I would also report that. Maybe look into him trying to get involved in some activities which are not involving big groups - maybe climbing wall/lego club/computer coding club.
It is really tough for boys at school who aren't 'jocks' - maybe when he goes up to secondary school there will be more people he can pal up with who are interested in the same things.
He shouldn't have to put up with this. It isn't something an adult would tolerate in the workplace - and nor should a child have to.
Maybe try not to stress too much about him joining in things & his time will come.

I do hope that when he moves to secondary school he will make a friendship group with people who have the same interests as him. We live in an area where there are a lot of council estates and I would prefer him not to play out as he isn't streetwise and he would have to cross a busy road to meet up with children from his school anyway. I do regularly take him to parks and indoor play areas. Ds1 (16) never used to play out but still has friends he meets up with after school and chats to via phone/pc.

I've no particular advice for you I'm afraid, but I would be very concerned about the lack of before school playground supervision. Most schools I've been involved with have a staff member on playground duty for 10-15 mins before school.

I spoke to the teacher, she was lovely and said she would speak to the children involved, also said the reason they don't line up outside anymore is to prevent this sort of thing, but now certain children get there early just to meet up with their friends and 'play' before going in to school! I'll just make sure he doesn't get there early in future!