Struggling with 4 yo DS

[PrincessofPersil]

I love my 4 yo DS to bits, but his behaviour over the past few months is putting us all under a lot of strain.

Basically he just will NOT listen! He won't tidy up after himself, get dressed, go for a wee before we go out, go to bed, get in the bath etc. Everything is an argument.

Over the past few weeks he has started mucking about when we're crossing roads... it's really busy by his preschool and he stands right at the edge of the pavement pulling his jumper over his head, or runs off when we're stood at a pedestrian crossing and cars are waiting for us to cross.

I've tried reward charts, time outs, naughty step, taking toys away etc and nothing works long-term. I usually see an improvement in behaviour for a few hours after trying a new technique, then he reverts back and will usually give me a load of verbal abuse to go with it Things like 'you're useless', 'Im going to live somewhere else', and my personal favourite 'nobody else has to put up with a mummy as useless as you!'

He's always been strong-willed, but has always been a really good boy. I'm told that hes well-behaved at preschool, so I know he can do it.

I've just lived through a weekend of almost constant arguements and I'm fed up. His little brother is missing out too.

Is this normal?! Had anyone tried anything that has worked?

Any advice gratefully received!

Hello Princess!

Ah, yes. 4 yo can be trying can't they! One thing that stands out from your OP is that you say you've tried looks of different techniques and nothing is working. It can be really confusing for young children not to know what's coming each time, so you really need to pick a technique and stick to it. Constituency is really the key.

We have DS1 (11), DS2 (7), DS(5) and DD (1). For DS2 and DS3 we have a marble jar. Potential to earn 3 marbles per day: getting ready nicely, good behaviour after school and going to bed nicely. We tweak as needed, i.e. when DS3 was acting up in school, there was a category for good behaviour in school. When the jar is full, they have a treat. For us, marbles are only given for good behaviour, not taken out for bad behaviour. If they are naughty, they simply don't get the marble.

We also use the naughty step/timeout in their room if they play up. I think the important thing is not to give a big reaction to name calling etc. Just, "that's unkind DS, I think you need to sit out for 5 min until you can speak nicely to people". And then ignore any further name calling. Just execute the consequence cooly and calmly.

Have you tried making a big deal out of him being "mummy's big boy"? i.e. Look DS2. DS1 stands so nicely by the road, cos he's a big boy. DS1, you're such a great example, etc. Sounds a little OTT but my lot really go for it. We can go from major acting up to lecturing DD on how to behave properly in 5 seconds flat. They really want to be treated like big kids.

Hope they gives you some ideas OP!